Help Blake's mommy

NO ONE CAN LOVE THEM MORE: A collaboration of stories of innocent parents of Shaken Baby Syndrome victims and their battle with the system. This book is dedicated to the parents who have had their child(ren) removed from their care/custody because of someone else’s negligence. Too often, children are placed in foster care or with relatives because of injuries caused to them. A portion of these children had at least one parent that had no idea harm was being done. All that parent did “wrong” was trust someone with the child, whether it be their spouse, friend, licensed childcare professional, or other family member. As a result of this “trust”, they have lost their child, sometimes permanently. They are charged with “Failure to Protect” and labeled as an irresponsible and neglectful parent though they never ‘allowed’ their child to be hurt. I strongly believe that no one can love a child more than their parents, and if a parent did not do or know about the abuse, then that is where the child belongs. Included in this book will be REAL stories of REAL parents of SBS victims. These parents either have already fought for custody of their child(ren), or are currently in the process of doing so. In some cases, even termination of parental rights took place, or is about to. How fair is this to the child? Have they not been through enough with the surgeries, the tubes, the life-long disabilities? This is the time that they need ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’ most. Also included in this book are the signs and symptoms of Shaken Baby Syndrome along with advice on how to handle your frustration before taking it out on a child. Unfortunately, despite the determination of keeping a child safe, a parent is always at risk of losing custody. Something needs to be done. This is only a start…
Blake's SBS Story: Blake was born a very large baby boy (10lbs) on October 28th, 2003. He seemed happy and healthy until around Christmas time when he began to cry a little more. He got to a point where he always wanted to be held. We thought we were dealing with a colic baby at one point. Then he began vomiting one day, and I'm not talking about a normal throw-up session; I'm talking about vomit that, while in the backseat of the car in the infant seat, would shoot from his mouth all the way to the back of the seat. We took him into the doctor about 7 times in a 2 week period time and got all kinds of possible diagnoses. We heard things like: stomach virus, reflux, an opening in his stomach is too small... the list went on and on. One day Blake was brought in by ambulance because he was unresponsive and lethargic. He was turning blue. After we got to the Emergency Room, we were sent to the WAITING ROOM because at this time he had 'come to'. We saw the doctor for a few minutes and he basically referred to us as "over-dramatic parents" and sent us home. At this point, Blake was starting to sleep more and more and was less active. He also cried a lot and was hard to consol. Finally, on January 6th, after a long night of Blake throwing everything up and crying uncontrollably unless he was held in an upright position, we went in to the doctor and demanded that further tests be done. Just to 'make us happy', they did a CT scan. That CT scan may be what saved his life. The scan revealed that Blake had Subdural Hematomas and Retinal Hemorrhaging. Basically, he was bleeding (and had a pocket of blood) at the front and back of his brain and was also bleeding behind his eyes. These are common symptoms of Shaken Baby Syndrome. Blake was transported by ambulance to ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 /Cape Fear Valley Medical Center which had a better PICU unit. While at the other hospital, the questioning began. We had to talk to Social Workers and Investigators and hospital staff, who were all trying to find someone to blame. That very day, they had picked someone: My [then] husband. While in the waiting room while my then 7 week old baby was in the operating room getting blood drained from his head, I watched them arrest his father on the local news. The story spread and even my mom saw it on the news across the country. The story read: Fort Bragg Soldier Charged With Felony Child Abuse. Here is a link to an article: http://wral.com/news/local/story/108342/ So now my entire life had officially flipped upside-down. Blake's first surgery went well. He came out with 2 tubes in the left side of his head. After this surgery is when the doctors sat down and started talking to me about possible prognosis. They said that he may not live through it, and that scared me into instant tears. They also said that if he did, he would most likely be a vegetable for the rest of his life because of the damage the shaking could have caused. They told me that he would most likely be blind and never be able to walk. Basically, it wasn't looking good. However, Blake made several positive steps in the right direction. He seemed to be responsive and looking around. After giving him a thorough eye exam, they concluded that he could see, just not very well. That's okay, we can live with that. After about 3 weeks in the PICU, Blake was moved out onto the floor, but after his head started swelling up because the fluid was building back up again, they put him back into the PICU and then back in the OR for another set of burr holes, this time in the right side of his head. He spent the next couple weeks recovering and was eventually sent back out onto the floor. I think Blake was about 13 weeks old when he was finally released from the hospital. He then began physical therapy and continued with it until he was released by his doctor at about 7 months. At this point, they thought he really didn't need it, but to still look out for severe learning disabilities. I wanted to be extra sure that he wasn't behind and we started working on things at an early age. I thought that he may need extra time to learn things. At age 1 ½, he knew all his letters and could count a little. By age 2, he could count to 10 and could also tell you a word that went with every letter of the alphabet. Now, at age 3, he can count to 60, spell his name, write his name, spell about 5-6 words (including mommy), knows his phone number, address, and where he was born. He even knows who the president and vice president are. We obviously weren't dealing with a child who was going to be severely, or even moderately, developmentally challenged when he tested at the 5-6 year old level on his pre-school evaluation. He just proved the doctors wrong his entire life up to this very day. There are some reminders of the incident, though. He wears glasses and has since he was an infant. But that's okay, they are cute and he has become accustomed to them completely. Also, if you push his hair aside, you can see 4 scars on his scalp, 2 on the left and 2 on the right. We call them his 'war wounds'. Now he plays t-ball and soccer and even does karate. (He will be doing his first tournament this month) He excels at everything and has proven to be a very fast learner, picking up on things that most kids his age don't for years. We had a happy ending. For those of you who are wondering about the article: I did not change his name. His full name is John Blake Murphy. We have always just called him Blake. To this day, his daddy swears he didn't shake Blake. Several of you have written to me saying that you hope he is behind bars. That's what makes this such a hard case; there was no witnesses to anything. He was in the care of myself, my [then] husband, and his babysitter when the symptoms began. My ex fit the profile of an abuser and that is why he was arrested: pure circumstancial evidence. It was such a hard case that it took 3 years to go to trial and he plea bargained down to 3 years supervised probation from the 30 years in prison he was facing. There were 3 doctors saying he did it, and 3 saying he didn't. There seemed to be no solid case either way. He may not have done it; and that makes it hard. I just thought I would add that in. It's just one of many things about the Shaken Baby Syndrome diagnosis that are frustrating.