My autobiography written by James Frey: (some parts embellished)
In 1975, my parents needed some extra money so they enlisted me in the Army. At the age of 3, I was sent off to Vietnam to serve my country. It was tough crawling around in the jungle, but it was easy to hide and bite the ankles of the enemy. Six months into my tour of duty, I was shot in the diaper and had to return home.
Angry at my parents for sending me away, I ran off and became a carnie. I quickly worked my way up from puke cleaner upper, to cotton candy salesman, to dart game worker. I eventually made it all the way up to the top and became the youngest human cannon ball ever. Unfortunately, the other guys were jealous of my success and ended up shooting me straight into the ferris wheel one night. Workers comp doesn't cover cannon accidents so I had to quit and move back home to Georgia.
I went back to school and got my degree and then decided to travel. Since then, I've been all over Cobb county and have been able to see Marietta, Smyrna, Mableton and more. Eventually I hope to live in a van down by the Chattahoochee river, but I'm still waiting to be able to buy gas for a van.
Other than that, I like to make up stories, try and teach middle schoolers, run 5K races, watch movies, yell at Bobby Cox and the Braves every October, and go mullet spotting at the fair.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Kevin
Birthday: April 3
Birthplace: Shelby, NC
Current Location: Smyrna, GA
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Blonde
Height: 5'8"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: German/English/sugar/spice
The Shoes You Wore Today: Adidas tennis shoes
Your Weakness: Panda Express orange chicken
Your Fears: snakes
Your Perfect Pizza: stuffed pepperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: to get a job closer than Duluth
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: no, I won't send $1000 to Nigeria to collect my fortune
Thoughts First Waking Up: where is the snooze button?
Your Best Physical Feature: my finger nails
Your Bedtime: midnight
Your Most Missed Memory: frolicking through the flower patch chasing after unicorns
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King/ them onion rings is tasty
Single or Group Dates: any would be fine
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: any as long as it is sweet
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: coffee
Do you Smoke: no
Do you Swear: only on Fridays on I 285
Do you Sing: until people ask me to stop
Do you Shower Daily: yep
Have you Been in Love: yes, but then they canceled Buffy
Do you want to go to College: not again
Do you want to get Married: my mom thinks I should
Do you belive in yourself: yes, I believe I can fly
Do you get Motion Sickness: no
Do you think you are Attractive: I guess, my grandmother says so
Are you a Health Freak: yeah, I go and run after eating at Ci Ci's
Do you get along with your Parents: yeah, until they ask when I'm getting married
Do you like Thunderstorms: no, they knock out my cable
Do you play an Instrument: not since I played the recorder in 4th grade
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: no
In the past month have you Smoked: no
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no, crack is whack
In the past month have you gone on a Date: my grandmother took me to lunch, does that count?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no, I look my food cooked
In the past month have you been on Stage: yeah, but security at the Fox didn't like me playing the Nutcracker
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: yeah, I went to college
Ever been called a Tease: no
Ever been Beaten up: no
Ever Shoplifted: no
How do you want to Die: I want to be beaten to death while teasing someone about shoplifting because I'm drunk
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: President of the US or the PTA
What country would you most like to Visit: Spain
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: any
Favourite Hair Color: anything but purple
Short or Long Hair: either
Height: below 7 feet
Weight: below 300
Best Clothing Style: jeans is good
Number of Drugs I have taken: none
Number of CDs I own: 500
Number of Piercings: none
Number of Tattoos: none
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 14
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