Lishoo

..

Hello, my name is Lisa.
I like all kinds of Metal.
I'm a guitarist and vocalist in a band called Borzig.
I play World of Warcraft. Yes I know that makes me a nerd.

AIM = LameLishoo
The most random things you'll ever know about me:
~Beware... I take sudden left turns.
~I used to wear strings as belts.
~My last name translates to "apple tree"
~I own nine pairs of Converse All-Stars.
~I have scoliosis and kyphosis. Both are spine problems.
~I walk kinda like a penguin.
~I'm not supposed to be able to walk because my knees are connected in the wrong place.
~I drink buttermilk.
~My hair is naturally blonde.
~My ferret is missing a small peice of his tail.
~I can't pronounce many words correctly.
~I hate feet.
~I lean on other people's chairs.
~The white trim in my house squeaks if you rub it.
~I hate when Americans can't speak correct English.
~I've been to second base with nearly all my friends, always accidentally.
~One side of my face can move more than the other side can.
~Most of my house is peach, tan, or off-white.
~I poke people.
~I apologize often.
~My hidden talent IS NOT Twister.
~I can speak some Polish.
~I was not born in Poland, so stop asking!
~I was born in the United States.
~I hate fish.
~I have a lime green closet, and a dark red room.
~I had a habit of biting my nails for three years, but one day I stopped.
~I like walking outside on nights when there's a full moon.
~I've never been to a funeral, only wakes.
~I hate when people bend their toes back.
~My house freaks me out.
~My face gets really oily very often.
~I am paranoid about spending money.
~I hate wasting food.
~I hate fake hair color.
~There was an Advil pill in my acoustic guitar.
~I hate taking off my socks.
~My mom thinks she's young.
~My dad looks like Yanni/Jesus.
~I don't like artificial light.
~The black acoustic guitar is the only remaining artifact that I brought from Europe.
~I make lists.
~I organize everything.
~I always confuse "ankle" with "heel".
~A heel is not a foot elbow.
~At sleepovers I used to eat cheese with Christina at 2 AM.
~I say "like" very often.
~I always press the snooze button.
~I hate when things aren't spelled correctly.
~I hate liars.
~When I walk up stairs, my left ankle cracks on every stair.
~I rarely light the candles in my room.
~When I smile, my smile is crooked.
~I have over 60 birthmarks.
~I hate when bottles fall over.
~Once a spider fell out of my microwave.
~I randomly go on cleaning sprees.
~I like rainy days.
I hate messing up my hair.
~I have blonde eyelashes, but I dye them black.
~I also dye my eyebrows.
~I'm usually too honest.
~I like when things are in alphabetical order.
~I stutter.
~When I tie bows, they are always upside down.
~I constantly clear my throat.
~My house is haunted by the Chocolate Man.
~I have nerve disorders. That's why I'm always twitching and itching.
~My mom says I'm not allowed to sleep on tables anymore.
~Part of the bone on the right side of my nose is chipped off.
~I hate Crayola!
~I always put my hair up before I go to sleep because I'm afraid of suffocating on it.
~I'm the only Polish person that can't roll their R's.
~I don't peel bananas, I slice them.
~I can't frown.
~I have a box of jello that says that it expires in the year 2073.
~I don't like looking at people when I'm talking to them.
~I don't like really loud music.
~I bite with my whole face.
~I can crack my nose.
~I have one love-handle.
~I'm allergic to pandas.
~I'm actually allergic to anything with fur.
~Gwen and I had a mop fight in Jewel.
~Sometimes I avoid sleep because I'm afraid of what I might dream about.
~I hate condensation.
~I hate fabric couches.
~I was the original creator of the Myspace Quote Box.
~My kitchen sink sounds like Gojira.
Quotes/Inside Jokes
"Why are you wearing your Jimmy John's hat?" "Because it's Wayne's"
-Kevin/Mike
"So we can't make fun of Vince anymore" "Why? Did he get hearing aids?" "No, he can ride a bike now"
-Kevin/Me
"Oh Matt is on" "Is he running in circles on top of Org bank?" "No, he's in Shattrath... probably running circles around A'dal"
-Kevin/Me
Best excuse to not run an instance with someone: My pie is done.
"So this is our first show since our last show"
-Me
"He can do it" "I can do it!" "He can do it" "I can do it!" "Look he's doing it right now!" "Technology!"
*Stefan and Victor are beating a stick with other sticks* "Are you guys summoning an ice lord?" "No we're conquering"
-Kevin/Stefan
"It's 12:58, where's my wife?"
-Rich
"Is Prisonbreak the show with that guy you think is hot? Yeah, remember? You told me in the forest"
-Mike (talking to Kevin)
"That's a ridiculously colored guitar!" "That's a ridiculously naked man"
-Kevin/Me
"Caroline hasn't gotten her Visa yet" *Mailman drops letters in our mailbox* "Oh hey she just got it!"
-My mom
"Why would I have a condom in me?" "There's female condoms, you could have one of those in you..... You could have a party in you" "I wanna go there more often" "Torrie's vagina?" "No, the movie theatre" "Yeah but you'd have to bring your own food because the food there is kind of expensive" "In Torrie's vagina?!" "No!"
-Torrie(sp?)/Kevin/Me/Mike
"My ass is falling off!" Heard distantly:"That's unattractive. Try again"
-Me/Torrie(sp?)
"Would you like paper or plastic glove in your ass?"
-Dan
"If you kick Santa's ass I'll kick you in the balls"
-Chad?
"I'm happy because it's my last hour of school, and I have Santa"
-Pat
*Air plane lands on Freddy's desk* "It made it to the trash can!"
-Mr Dalgaard
"Why are you dressed up?" "Cause I fell"
-Me/Steve
"Hey Mr D., wanna touch my gorilla?"
-History student
"If Fruit of the Loom had a flavor this would be it"
-Rich
"I forgot you're going deaf. You didn't even hear me did you?" "What'd you say?"
-Rich/Vince
"I need a violin" "I need a cello" "I love Popeyes. They leave their cups by the coffee machine"
-Rich/Kevin/Mike
Paper ball lands on my lap. I throw the paper ball up in the air. The paper ball bounces off Selena's head and lands in Jessica's ice cream cup.
"Our mission today was to finish all these doughnuts, and we have accomplished the mission. A's for everyone!"
-Mrs Ambrosia
"Be safe" "Did you just tell me to be safe?" "Hitting your head on the sink hurts" "It's only happened to me once" "Me too" "Were you also headbanging in the bathroom?" "No... I slipped in the shower..."
-Me/Kevin
"We're going to make a guild called Three O'Clock Dinner and at 3:00 we're going to log on and do premades... no we're going to eat dinner at 3:00 and do premades at 3:30"
-Kevin
"Guys take girls to the prom just so they can have sex with them" "Wow I wish I knew that in high school"
-Michelle/Mr Bartlett
"This machine is experiencing futuristic difficulties"
-Paper warning Laser Questers of broken machine
*Charlie hands Kevin a paper* Paper: Happy Birthday Jack! *Charlie hands Kevin other paper* Other paper: Happy Birthday Jackie! "This is in case the sex change goes through"
-Charlie
"Don't hit the cop!" "Aw but if I do I get two stars!"
-Rich's mom/Rich
"I love when my students date each other!"
Mrs Ponce
"Michelle and Ashley, you guys fight over it! You know, arm wrestle or thumb thrastle"
-Mr Bartlett
*Everyone is laughing* *Guy gets up and takes off his pants* "Oh my god! What are you doing?!"
-Algebra students
Naked Tauren party in Shattrath
"You're not very genuine" "What's genuine?"
-Mrs Ponce/student
"Mmmmmumnumnum... I like talking to birds"
-Mike
"Don't tear up my books! Go home and tear up your wall!... Antonio that's the wrong ID. You're not Maria or Helga"
-Mr Daalgard
"Ok so if the unicorn is going 20m/s and jumps off a cliff into the jello or fire pit..."
-Mr Bartlett
"Who slapped me? Oh, I slapped me"
-Steve
"Name it WoW! Capital D-..."
-Steve
"I'm such a procrastinator, I've been procrastinating since 1908" "Oh so you're a vampire" "Yup" "And yet somehow it's sunny outside and you're not dying" "I've been procrastinating my death too"
-Rich/Me
"She showed extreme disapproval, but she didn't say no"
-Rich
Scattergories...
Everything with the letter D is Drugs, and everybody's favorite pastimes are anal pleasure and anal leakage.
"I don't drive around looking for funeral homes and expect to look to my nearest bench"
-Rich
"I want two children and he wants three" "Just compromise! Have two and a half children, and I'll take the feet"
-Me/Billy
"Doesn't Freddy Kreuger's sweater have red and white stripes?" "No that's Waldo"
-Me/Jesus
"It's so bad, amazing, fuck yeah"
-Billy
"It's like Russia" "Fuck Russia! There's nothing like Russia!" "Oh fuck you!"
-Vince/Kevin
"I screamed so hard that my teeth fell out"
-Kevin
*guys locker room door keeps opening* "Do they want us to see something?" *guy looks out of door* "Hey do you guys wanna see something?"
-P.E. Class
"You play World of Warcraft? You nerd!" "Well you play Lord of the Rings Online" "Yeah but I already knew I was a nerd"
-Kirk/Kevin
"Yeah Billy always says pawned instead of pwned but I really don't wanna argue about it because it seems ridiculous" "You argued about cheese!"
-Kevin/Mike
"My boyfriend texted me and said he got hit in the face with a horse, and yesterday my friends got my chinchila high! I just got that chinchila!"
-Amanda
"We don't have cake, but we have pie charts"
-Amber
"I hate jello. It reminds me of my grandma, and I hate my grandma"
-Natalie K
"This jello is weird" "Why? Does it taste weird?" "No it behaves weird"
-Kevin/Me
"We would watch it, but I don't have a player in the room" "He's right here!" *points to Billy L*
-Mrs Ambrosia/Julian
"You're so submissive... subordinate..." "Submarine!"
-Hector/Ariela
"I also found out that my hand is 20 degrees colder than my arm at any given time"
-Mike
"How do you guys like it here?" "The wallpaper is pretty bad" "I meant in America..."
-Billy/Kevin
"I've eaten stale chocolate before and it didn't do anything to me" "Are you sure that's not what made your penis messed up?" "No it was messed up long before then" "Oh the chocolate was just that bad?"
-Kevin/Mike
"We're going to that fruit place, you wanted apples and oranges right?" "No I wanted apples and bananas! Angela's the one that wanted the oranges!"
-Billy's dad/Billy
"I keep hearing things in the hall, I think it's a lost security lady or something" *Michelle goes to check door, then comes back* "Please close the door I don't want anything coming in here" *Michelle moves trash can in front of door* "The door opens the other way" "Well if someone comes in they'll trip over it"
-Mr Bartlett/Steve/Michelle
"Well tell Mr Skoda to send a letter to god asking him to smite these people who don't pay attention in math class... What use is a god if he can't smite people?"
-Mr Bartlett
Best excuse for being late to class: "I got stuck"
"I can see how people can love dogs and cats, but not werewolves and humans"
-Kevin
"The table has ten people! I want NyQuil..."
-Angel
"Hair or pear?" "Hair" "Pear?" "Hair!" "Pear?" "Hair! H-E- damnit!"
-Kevin/Me
"Borzig is a Martian named Fred, a little ant that I'm calling Stefan until he gets a new name, a woodpecker named Sean that will replace you as our percussionist, and you will then become a voicebox... your name will be Voicebox Man. Then I will get a panther, and slaughter the panther, and it will be our mascot..... You've gotta remember, the ant and the raccoon will multiply"
-Kevin (talking to Billy)
"I woke up and thought I heard a plane crashing, but it was only a guy driving his car into two houses and flipping the car over"
-Billy's grandma
"You violated the constitution! (Two on one side, two on the other)" "Oh yeah well I made an amendment: Fuck you"
-Kevin/Duncan
*strong wind blows* "Oh no we're under attack!" "Return fire!" *EXPLOSION* (No one had moved)
*Eric pees next to other tent* "Are you peeing on our tent?" "I claim this territory" *Eric returns to our tent* Heard distantly: "Damnit we don't want any more terrorist attacks!"
-Duncan/Eric
"Eric's not the president, he's the Secretary of Defense and Prime Minister" "That's too much responsibility for one man"
-Kevin/Eric
"We're not a team, we're a tent"
-Mike
*Eric shakes 8 ball* "Will Mike be stabbed by a monkey?" 'Concentrate harder and ask again later' *hands ball to Kevin* "Will Mike be stabbed by a monkey in the near future?" 'Don't count on it' "Will Mike be stabbed by a monkey in the far future?" 'Yes, definitely'
-Eric/8 ball/Kevin
Later...
"I wanna be a monkey trainer... now all I need is a monkey"
-Mike
Tent Spaghetti and Tent LaForge (which became Tent Mostaccolli, which then became Tent Pistachio) were enemies. They then became allies against the evil truck.
"Mermaider? Is that your last name or something? That sucks"
-Duncan
"What are you doing?" "I'm trying to kiss you"
-Billy/Kevin
*rolls dice* "Lick... Ear" *rolls dice* "Tease... Ear" *rolls dice* "Blow... Ear... What the hell?"
-Alex
"We're going to North Riverside" "Oh, we're going to Oak Brook"
-Two groups in separate cars
"When I'm 18 I'm going to get latex eye surgery"
-Rich
"Ronald McDonald isn't real and he rapes little kids" "Isn't that the Breast Cancer Fund?" "That rapes children?"
-Eric/Kevin/Me
"Where's step-grandma?" ... "I owe you money"
-Kevin/Kindra
Horse Metal
"Handy horn take the candy porn!"
-Billy
"Do we have any Pepsi?" "What? You want duct tape?"
-Billy/Billy's sister
"Your shoes are the right size and they're laced correctly"
-Meghan's dream
"What's on your socks Lisa?" "My sausage? Why are you looking at my sausage?"
-Debbie/Me
Daisy Bubble Gum Ocean = What I'm going to name my first kid
"You're going to have to get a lot of new things if grinding is going on"
-Billy
"It's not on the couch if you can't see it! Don't you know anything about physics"
-Billy
"Go make dinner, fix my toes" (talking about disrespectful husbands)
-Mr Dalgaard
"Sticks are ok to drive... just not for like civilized street living"
-Billy
"Who's Karl? "That guy that everyone says was born with no spine, but he was actually born with three"
-Billy/Steve
"Vaginas are not treasure chests or cats, they're just vaginas"
-Elise
"There's not enough ass-slapping in church"
-Kevin
"I knew you'd fail! Just like you failed that personality test this morning!"
-Duncan
"Ugh, too much cock"
-Mike
"Why are you driving over 60?" "Yes I am"
-Steve/Me
"Oh yeah it's totally not a safe place... there's niggers in the basement" "And jugulars in the attic"
-Meghan/Alex
"You're so fucking awesome! *my mom walks in, and gets a really surprised look on her face* "Oh no I'm sorry! I'm a bad boy! I'm so sorry!"
-Alex
"If I had to slap someone I'd slap them with..." "Your penis?" "No" "Stefan's penis?" "No, a horse's penis" "Oh yeah, me and Lisa experienced horse penis, remember that?"
-Billy/Me/Alex
"Man, fuck Natalie..... But in a very good way..... That came out in a very bad way..."
-Billy
"I hate black people! But only because they make me read packets about them"
-Hector
(in the middle of a conversation) "You have blue eyes" "Yes I do" "Do you dye your eyebrows?" "Yes" "So they're naturally blonde? Woah... you're like one of those Aryan race people"
-Angel/Me
Misread flyer:
Songs from some American douchebag:
featuring Greg Reish
"All I wrote was segregation" "You didn't even write segregation... you wrote segration"
-Me/Kevin
"Who's your Algebra teacher?" "Ms Ponce... she's white"
-Steve/Me
"Don't worry, when I see the black guy I'll think of racism"
-Me
"Ghetto lesbians... that's just something you don't smell"
-Meghan
"We're all smart here, so go sit at one of the mexican tables" "Dude, you and me are the only white people at this table"
-Steve/Me
How you remember the planets:
My Very Evil Mother Just Served Us Nothing
*smarties wrapper falls on his lap* "Woah did that fall from the sky from Jesus?" "Jesus? You mean the kid next to you?" "His name is Jesus?" "Yeah it is" "Woah... awesome"
-Hector/Me
"So there's a tidal wave and there's a bunch of midgets on top of it, when they land... well the point is, was the Holocaust really Hitler's fault?"
-Mr Skoda
"Maybe you only have nine fingers and one of them is a penis"
-Steve
"What's funnier than a dead baby?" "The Holocaust"
-Steve/Me
"Is that a shirt or a dress?" "That's a fucking dog"
-Me/Kevin
"What if you cut open someone's uterus and shit in it? They'd have a poop baby! *I start walking away quickly* "Come back! I want my poop baby!"
-Kevin
"Enbalm? As in set ablaze?"
-Mike
"Ugh! I haven't ran for two months!" "Ugh! I haven't ran for two days!"
-Me/Gwen
"You guys should mud wrestle!" "I would if my clothes were off"
-Steve/Gwen
"If something is hard does that mean there's alcohol in it?"
-Steve
"You don't! You do! You do not!"
-Billy
*blinds fall* "Damnit!" *puts blinds back on holder* *pulls string to the right* "You're pulling it the wrong way!" *pulls string to the left* *blinds fall off*
-Me/Kevin
"Drunkin Donuts?!"
-?
"My mom won't let me have candles in my room because she says the cats will catch on fire"
-Meghan
"I tore my" "Balls?" "in half" "...dude that thing is huge!"
-David/Kevin/Billy
"The Lion King is the reason..." "that you can't masterbate?" "Yes"
-Kevin/Me
"But I want to believe in the smelly blanket!"
-Me
"Agh! My ribbons! They're not supposed to see light!"
-David
*does motion* "What are you doing?" "That's me sucking the dick of success"
-Billy/David
"So is Kevin's wife mexican?" "...Wha?" "Oh I mean his dad's wife" "Oh... uh... yeah"
-My mom/Me
"That toilet looks a bit bejumbled"
-Martha
"That car is always in the same place, and every day it moves closer"
-Me
"What are those skinny people?" "Anorexics?" "No..." "Bulemics?" "No...... Nazis!"
-AnnMarie/Kevin
"Well I am named after my mom" "Your mom's name is Kevin?" "No her name is Patricia"
-Kevin/Billy
"I remember when Steve was the coolest..... What? What's so funny?"
-Billy
"eHarmony told me they could never find a match for me..."
-Kevin
"QUEEF! QUEEF!" "Use your outdoor-indoor voice!"
-Neighbor's party
"I will rip out your cunt and eat it!"
-Random conversation entering movie theater
"John's bed is so amazing! He can fit like 30 midgets on it"
-Nick
*sticks sticker onto shirt* "It fits you perfectly* *looks at sticker* "I'm not nutritious, I don't taste good, and I didn't know I was for sale"
-Me/Kevin
"I wasn't rubbing you, I was caressing you with my face"
-Gwen
"I was looking at myself dancing in the mirror, and I thought Gwen really dances weird"
-Christina
"They really emphasize the little dinosaurs in Spiderman 3"
-Kevin
"No I don't want the hat, I want your eyes"
-Stefan
"You look cute with that purse and that laptop... You should carry those things more often"
-Christina
"We're just the girlfriends, we're supposed to be useless" *Wayne's girlfriend walks by carrying an amp* "Damn it"
-Christina
"Put that stuff in your eye!" "What?" "It's the miracle liquid!" "What's so miracle about it?" "Pain!"
-Me/Kevin
"I didn't wanna buy any $60 shirts, so I bought an $8 plate"
-Taylor
"I need to pee" "Go over there" *points to dusty corner*
-Me/My mom
"So today I saw Mexican emo guys on skateboards playing basketball..." "Yeah that's pretty normal"
-My dad/Me
"Why is there tape on this key?" "Because it's the key to Lisa's heart" "Oh is Lisa's heart a Honda?"
-David/Christina
"Toast!"
-Billy
"So I bit my mom's leg and gave her a huge bruise"
-Meghan
"But I have such a high egucation!"
-My mom
*carrying large photo pile* "Ah it's so much paper!" "Aren't you afraid of paper?" "Well this isn't paper"
-Steve/Me
"You need to race this car!"
-My mom
"It looks like someone just had crazy sex in this room! I mean seriously, there's a stool in the middle of the room!"
-Meghan
"Let's play a game Lisa... It's called Touch Me"
-Meghan
*runs up Baywatch style wearing HUGE shirt* "Guys wait, I need to be on someone's lap!"
-Kristy
"It would be cool to live in Guam... Just so you can say you've lived in Guam"
-Steve
"Dont have sex until you're 18" "Aren't you supposed to tell me to wait until I'm married?" "Oh yeah... wait until you're married"
-My mom/Me
"You should race ducks in chemistry club" "...and we can name them stupid things like Flamingo Man!"
-Me/Christina
"I love Life... It's my favorite cereal"
-Christina
"The ferret is like Steve... He only cares about himself... and he smells bad"
-Kevin
"It's dripping down my pookie!"
-Meghan
"If you guys have pop tops give them to me" "Are they for breast cancer?" "Yeah, because I like boobies and I don't want them to go away"
-Greg/Kevin
*looks at guitar case* "Holy shit I thought that was a dancing bear!"
-Billy
"Did I tell you guys about the time my dad got a yellow bruise? Well he took a dump on a bike..."
-Mike
"Strawbelly? Oh wait it's just strawberry and celery" "Wouldn't that be strawbelery?"
-Me/Christina
"Ok" "Grape juice?"
-Me/Kevin
"What's that?" "Pineapple?"
-Me/Kevin
"When I go to the prom I'm taking someone-" "Me?" "-who I can have sex with afterwards..."
-Christina/Me
"Because of the great participation in yesterday's Day of Silence, we are proud to see that Morton is becoming more gender approved"
-morning announcements at school
*takes out bandaid from pants* "How'd this get here?" "Dude, you have your period?!"
-Christina/Me (during Smyser's lecturing)
"My bird is so cool! I'd put her on my Top Four if I had a myspace..."
-Barbara
"Tomorrow aren't you going to the pyrocraptor?"
-Christina (trying to say chiropractor)
"David said his neck was hurting too, and I asked 'Oh from bed hanging?' ...But I meant head banging"
-Elise
"Lick my foot and I'll lick you"
-Steve/ferret
*Christina and Mike sit up* *I look at them* "I was awake the whole time"
-Me
"Hey Mike, pull down your pants"
-Christina
"Hey hold on let me squeeze your leg!"
-Me
"Ring bell... I've never seen that before..." "Should we ring bell?"
-Christina/Mike
"Bats! Bats! Bats! Birds? Bats!"
-Me
"My body can't process any more dairy..."
-Kevin
"When we play Extreme Anime Alley Ball my name is Sporty Star"
-David
"What what? That is so gross, why are you doing it sexually... like a shrimp"
-Christina
"Exploding in your mouth" "You dont know what a beatle is?" "You don't kick rollie pollies" "Armadillos aren't that small" "Are rollie pollies spawns of armadillos?" "You're black and I'm white, but we're all still people" "Armadillos are people too"
-Christina/Steve (randomness from picnic in my room)
*camera battery dies* "What a failure of a phone!"
-Steve
"Paranorma?"
-Elise
"Micheal Myers? Is that a DJ?"
-My dad
"Let's call Barney!" "Who's that?" "It's this one guy, we've knows him for a few weeks" "Yeah, and he's purple" "Oh I hate that guy!" "No, not Stefan" "You have another purple friend?" "...I was talking about the dinosaur"
-Meghan/Me/Gwen
"Why'd you send me a text message that said 'You're gonna regret what you did'? It really freaked me out. We left Wayne's house..."
-Keith
"You look really familiar in this picture"
-Christina
"Let's just go to McDonalds, the worst thing that could happen is that the power goes out and they refuse to serve us" *lightning strikes* *power goes out* *drops head*
-Chris T
"We should go ice skating! Well except it's dark out and it's raining" "...And there's no ice"
-Me/Christina
"We're at Starbucks" "Why does it sound like people are playing pool?" "...We're moving chairs"
-Christina/Christina's dad
"He scratched" "His balls?" "It's a pool term..."
Christina/Me
"Everyone knows I hate bodily functions... like sneezing, coughing, laughing, drooling, lactating..."
-Me
"Touch your toes!" *smack!*
-Natalie
"I have a tangle" "Oh I hate when that happens!" *grabs my hair and yanks it apart*
-Me/Meghan
*girl walks by wearing neck brace* "What kind of necklace is that?"
-Steve
"Isn't wench spelled with an R?" "No that's wrench"
-Random conversation overheard in English class
"I have my period" "Do you need a band-aid?"
-Christina/Me
"Milk! Milk! I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!" "It's ok, we'll just buy a new rug, do you want red or black?" "I don't know but I need it now!"
-Me/My mom
"Can I pick that white fur off your ass?"
-Meghan
"You were sleeping and then you started choking for two minutes and then you moaned for three minutes"
-Steve
"You failed at making instant ramen!"
-Christina
"Is that her dad?" "Yeah" "Is that his hair?" "Yeah" "...He looks like Yanni"
-Christina's dad/Christina
"I walked in and said PANTS"
-Christina
"Are you falling?" "No I was just wandering backwards"
-Me/Barbara
"Lisa has a nice ass" "But I don't work out" "It shows"
-Val/Me/Elise
"How many brothers do you have?" "Well there's my younger sister..."
-Val/Gio
"How many fingers do you have?"
-Christina
"How Jewish is Charlie?" "Not at all"
-Mike/Kevin
"Reh-dee-coo-las!"
-Meghan
"Oh no I touched my arm!" *washes hands*
-Me
"So what are we gonna do?" "You" "Besides that" "Negroes" "Besides that" "Well I'm out of ideas"
-Me/Meghan
"Who's the one that's obsessed with pickles?" "I love pickles! They're so juicy and they're made from cucumbers!" "I think it's her"
-Natalie/Amanda/Me
"Are there any more questions?" "Yeah, where do babies come from?" "Well the funny thing about that is that we're actually showing a movie after the show, it's called The Origin of Life"
-Christina/guys from the Nite Light
"I have to write a report about Chinese countries"
-Steve
"I have to go to my locker" "I have to go to the chiropractor" "I'm going to the ortho"
-Meghan/Me/Richard
"I need a headache"
-Steve
"You know why Lisa's uncle is a Polish sorcerer? Because he doesn't have a trash can. And that means he throws it in the air and it sets on fire" "Or he just throws it out the window" *silence* "Or both"
-Kevin/Meghan/Steve
"I really wish I could call my cat and ask him if he has water"
-Kevin
"Why do I feel like I'm dying?" "Because you're not looking at the moon and you're a werewolf"
-Meghan/Steve
*looks at retarded strawberry* "This is like Harry Potter stuff!"
-Meghan
*washing dishes, stops* "My grandmother died when she was 92, and she never used glasses. She always drank from the bottle" *goes back to washing dishes*
-My dad
"I just hit my eye on my knee cap!"
-Keith
"I think my pants are falling off" "Oh sorry"
-Me/Paul
"Juice makes me happy" "Happy makes me juice"
-Meghan/Alex K
"I feel like a cow because I can't see my back"
-David
"My dad told me that he had a myspace and his name was Alice, and that I had a friend named Alice, but he doesn't have a myspace"
-Natalie
"Is Beatrice home?" "Andrew?" "No, Beatrice" "Oh I'm sorry honey, you have the wrong number" "DAMN!"
-Meghan (prank calling)
"I fell asleep holding my calculator again..."
-Natalie
"The only thing I learned in Basic Art last year was what Mod Podge was"
-Steve
"So I had my camera phone on a weird angle and I thought I had a picture of the Sears Tower, but it was just my leg"
-Meghan
"Zoloft?" "No, Zelda" "...I like Zoloft"
-Billy/Steve
"This doughnut tastes like pizza" "This pizza tastes like beer"
-Meghan/Me
"I've been saving up my Coke reward points... I have so many that I can get a snowboard" "...But you don't snowboard" "Well I can sell it on Ebay and get some skis" "...But you already have skis" "Not orange ones"
-Kevin/Mike
"I was walking in the hallway and felt like I really had to puke, so I ran into some random classroom and puked in the trash can, said sorry, and then left"
-Elise
"I mean have you ever licked a tombstone? They taste so acrid"
- Milosh (conversation game in English)
"I hate my school" "Then why do you wear it?"
-Natalie/Me (I heard mascara, not school)
"Why are you touching your tongue?" "I think it's gone!"
-Natalie/Meghan
"You're gonna make me swallow my frickin' walrus!"
-Me
"So Barbara did your group of friends ditch you?" *she looks around* "Oh I haven't noticed, I was thinking about why bread gets lighter when it's baked"
-Me/Barbara
"I have a big..." "You have a big *pop*?"
-David/Me
"Alright guys I guess we wanna see some moshing going on... right around this area... with these like seven women right here..."
-Billy
"Did you say something about the Pythagorean Theorem?"
-Billy
"So our other guitarist is at some boyscout meeting" "Oh what a coincidence! Our bassist is at boyscout camp too!"
-guy from some band/Steve
"Don't make me regurgitate my food" "What about hickory sticks?"
-Me/Steve
"There's concrete on your sock! No, I mean there's chocolate on your counter"
-Meghan
"Why do you have a 40 year old pedophile playing the drums?"
-David's dad
"I always puke on this school"
-David
"Stop talking, you're making me want to take a dump"
-Me
"You called me to ask what 2+2 is? Well it's green! Yeah yeah it's foam green. It has bumps on the back..."
-Meghan (on the phone with her sister)
"Stop making me laugh! It's making my pizza shake!"
-Me
"When I move to Arizona I'm gonna be a cowboy"
-My dad
"I'm second!" "I'm third!" "I'm sideways"
-Steve/Meghan/Me
"My heart itches! *snort*
-Gwen
"I have to tinkle!" "Oh I don't have to tinkle, I have to plop"
-Meghan/Gwen
"That place has good nuts" "I think you have good nuts"
-Steve/Gwen
"My mom would never let me join the Girl Scouts because she said they were preparing me for war"
-Girl from Art Club
"So I painted my nail and then stuck my finger down my pants"
-Meghan
"Look I'm a magician!" "I have a butt!"
-Steve/Greg
"You look like a retarded kid who's just seen snow for the first time"
-Gwen
"I'm gonna cannonball into the pool of lesbians"
-Gwen
"Is that an ass?" "No it's just David"
-Meghan/Me
"Oh it's someone's crotch" "No it's just the picture of David that Meghan thought was an ass"
-Gwen/Me
"It was Captain Jack Daniels" "Gwen there's no such thing! There's Captain Morgan and Jack Daniels"
-Gwen/Greg
"Holy shit! Look at that tv!" "Holy shit! They're watching Aladdin!"
-Meghan/Me
"So today I shaved my hairy beast"
-Meghan
"We all need hearing aids" "What? Canvas?"
-David/Me
"Is that stuff really called Velcro? Cause my whole life I've been calling it Belcro"
-Joey
The best commercial ever:
Some guy is eating Triscuits on a skyscraper, and then he throws the box off the building. Another guy runs up and shaves his head, rips off his clothes, then jumps off the building.
The best insult ever:
Oh yeah well you play Troll Metal...
"Hey can I buy another Cookachoo?"
-Some kid from English class
"Get your Cookachoo off my Scrabble board!"
-David
"You're as tall as you can be" "I'm as tall as a black guy?" "What?" "Didn't you say I'm as tall as Marcus Canby?"
-Steve/David
"What are you doing?" "I'm putting oatmeal in my sock" "Oh that's what I thought you were doing"
-David/My dad
"Credit Cards!"
-David
*starts slapping face* "My eye is itching! I didn't know where it went!"
-Me
"Stupid David can't think while walking backwards" "It was a hard sentence!"
-Steve/David
"Look it's the stuttering, mumbling, speech slurring, fast talking, break dancing, flying woman!"
-David
"Do something cool! Swallow your guitar whole! Breathe fire!"
-David
Coolest games ever: Poke the Polak, Polish Drunk, The Water Game, Toenail Tag, Why Is Billy Under My Covers?, and Cellular Crotch
*farts* "...I need a towel"
-Greg
"Even Liberachi is more of a woman than I am!"
-Me
"Is it big enough to fit a finger in it? Cause if it's not then I know where that one is"
-Elise
"Greg is that can still in your pants?" "No" "...Oh"
-Me/Greg
"I think I'm probably going to open up a bowling alley... or maybe a hog farm"
-My dad
"After we win a lot of money the first thing we're buying is cymbals, and then hearing aids for Lisa"
-Billy
"I lost my contact in the car! *long pause* Found it!"
-Gwen
"Santa Claus! No wait, it's just Jesus"
-Gwen
"He scream like Billy, he scream like angry tiger"
-My mom
"Buttons, buttons? I like buttons! I have a bag of buttons in my pocket!"
-Me
"Ghosts follow me too, that's why I always wear this" "A GigaPet?" "No, the crystal next to it"
-Random kid/Gwen
"Ghosts are trying to kill me!" "Gwen, you're not supposed to tell that to people we just met"
-Gwen/Meghan
"We have the strangest group ever, we have pretty Meghan, fat me, the three in all black, and then there's Steve"
-Gwen
"WATER!" *starts unzipping clothing and moaning*
-Gwen
"Ok now we're just throwing garbage around" "Weren't we always throwing garbage around?"
-Elise/Steve
"I didn't understand what you said until you said it"
-Billy
"Whenever I play that song the people backstage walk up to me and say that if they didn't have a girlfriend they would rape me"
-Barbara
"See I don't have lice, I have roaches!"
-Greg
"Snow? It's not even October!" "It's November"
-Joey/Steve
"What'd we do last night?" "And we're not even drunk!"
-Gwen/Me
"I woke up with your husband!" "I woke up with your husband!" "...I woke up with Barbara"
-Me/Meghan/Gwen
"A sumo wrestler in a screamo band! Oh I'd marry that guy!"
-Gwen
"What's his problem? Hasn't he ever seen a walking sleepover before?"
-Gwen
"I want an indentation on my buttcheeks"
-Gwen
Wet and Hairy
-Gwen's first hit rap song
"Let's get stupid! Who said that?" "Uh, you did"
-David/Billy
*hands him the drum* "Papaya!"
-Billy
*silence* (at same time) "Is your heart on the wrong side?" "Do you have an outie?"
-Me/Steve
"Is that the cookie monster?" "Leukemia monster?" "No it's a frog"
-Me/Meghan/Gwen
"Meghan your gold fish is dead" "No it's in my shirt"
-Me/Meghan
"Why is there a horse on your fridge?" "Why is there a unicorn on your couch" "It's for my dog to eat"
-Steve/Debbie
"Stop gnawing on your balloons" "I'll stop gnawing on my baboons!"
-Me/Greg
"Kilo! That's 32 tortillas!"
-Debbie
"Have you ever eaten Cheerios with milk?"
-Me
"My cousins say they saw a Squatwash in the forest" "Greg, it's called a Sasquatch"
-Greg/Elise
"Oh look the emo train is coming. Eeeeemmmooooo!" Oh look the fag train is coming. It's you! Faggot"
-Greg/Meghan
"Eight!" *licks fingers*
-Me
"Lisa do you think you're a snake?" "Uh... no..." "Oh ok good"
-Billy/Me
"Grrrr! Your pencil is a fffff-FLAMER!"
-Meghan
"I like my guitars pointy"
-Andres
"I still can't believe you thought Alexi Laiho's name was Leslie" "Alexi is still a feminine name"
-Me/Billy
"They're getting smaller these days" "Yeah and they swear a lot" "Your cats?" "Oh yeah, my cats scream obsenities while crapping!"
-Me/Meghan
"I do not control the eyebrows. The eyebrows control me."
-Me
"I'll have to bring a moist towelette..."
-Alex
"So now we're going to be quiet for the rest of class for a while... Look quiet"
-Mr Smyser
"Lisa you miss everything when you're in the bathroom! Val just puked out her nose!"
-My friends from the lunch table
"One day I was in Russia in 1978 and they were selling orange boots everywhere! I guess no one wanted to buy them"
-Mr Como
"When you go to a restaurant you're supposed to leave the forks there" *doorbell rings* "Lisa hide! The cops came to get that fork back!"
-Dad/Mom
"They left the cups on the roof of their car!" "Haha losers!" *hand reaches out of sunroof and grabs cups*
-Greg/Me
"Goddamnit it Meghan! I need the green so I can finish coloring my elephant!"
-Me
"I was gonna dare Lisa to eat a lime, but when I turned around she was already gnawing on one"
-Meghan
"Did you hit your head?" "I dunno, I can't remember"
-Me/Greg
"Everyone is gone or asleep or... BUNNIES?!"
-Me
"Greg you gleaked all over the floor! ....I stepped in your gleak puddle!"
-Billy
"I told my girlfriend and my parents that my cat made those scratches on my arm, then they realized I didn't have a cat"
-Greg (emo lyrics)
"So then I've gotta run away with pigtails and an easter basket" "You've gotta have a ketchup packet..." "Ooh duct tape!"
-Me/Billy
"You're tongue is black" "You're black!" *throws oreo at boob*
-Val/Steve
"I'm gonna colorcode my farts!"
-Greg
"I can name the mice Meghan and Lisa! Lisa you're the fat black one"
-Greg
"So Lisa what's your shower process?" "I don't think you guys wanna watch me touch myself for half an hour" "That's why it takes you so long?" "No not like that! I meant rub! Wait... that still sounds kinda weird..."
-Meghan/Me
*Puts trash can down* "And thus ends my shower"
-Greg
"I just got violated twice on the stairs!"
-Me
"Meghan will you hold my rollie pollie?"
-Greg
"Do you wanna jiggle me?"
-Greg
"I had an idea but I only wrote the first letter and now I can't remember the idea" "What's the letter?" "F"
-Me/Greg
"You carpet pisser!"
-Me
"That was like a perfect hallway kick!"
-Me
"Well it is the bridesmaid's job to make everyone look stupid"
-Barbara
(on the phone) *crash* "Oh no, I broke my imperial destroyer!"
-Greg
"We should be leaving now, it's almost 6:30!" "Really?" "Well actually it's 5:25" "Than why'd you say 6:30?" "Well actually it's 4:55..." "What the hell!"
-Steve/Me
"Do you have Polish krakus? Oh you have Polish butter! Polish Rye!!"
-Meghan
"Cube tube!" "Pube tube?"
-Me/Meghan
"I love these kinds! I love these sponges!"
-Greg
"Someone told me how to say the F word in French! It sounded so nice!"
-My mom
"These bananas are so small! Even Greg's banana is bigger!"
-Meghan
"Dude the potatoes are breathing! They're radioactive!"
-Me
"I got my registration papers and my name was Gregory Crystal Ruesch... Now my dad thinks I'm even more gay"
-Greg
"It's the vibrations of my butt on the floor!"
-Meghan
"You wiggidy-wacked me!"
-Meghan
"Lisa stop growling I can't paint my toenails!"
-Meghan
"Ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-Mexican! *licks foot*
-Meghan
"Meghan my kid got another toothpick launched up his ass!"
-Me
"If you see something that's completely pointless that no one would buy, remember that Christina probably already has it"
-Gwen
"Why are they honking? They can't even see our faces!" "And I'm the one in back..."
-Meghan/Me
"Hey Pocahontis the song's not over!"
-Billy
"We need assistance in the razor blade section"
-Walgreens intercom
"What?! Racial cleansing for dummies?"
-Greg
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