grievousnagel profile picture

grievousnagel

The Man with the Tiny Beard

About Me

i am the randomn chromosome. i am the last person you want to meet in a dark confessional booth and the first one youd want escourting you down a dark alley. i am lean. i am lucid. i am bored with the confines of this mortal toil, but refuse to actively seek an alternate vendor. i am waiting for something yet to be disclosed, all the while glancing at the wristwatch i dont have. i am the sort youd take home to mom, presuming of course, that you hate her. i am raskolnikov without the initiative. i am the middle brother, vanya, after he ate the heart of alyosha. (ya eat their heart ya get their courage, ya know) i am a pinball player without quarters. i am the one who cries 'freebird' and actually wants to hear the fucking song. i am a tornado lookin' fer a trailer park. i am a naked singularity. ..

My Interests

i play a whole helluva lot of pinball. i write things. i hold my liquor like two men twice my size. i frequently describe baseball as delicious, in the same tone of voice fatkids talk about cake. i am the most dedicated smoker you could possibly meet. girls seem to like me. i am a staunch supporter of mass transit. wiffleball sundays. my vocabulary is so vast i have to curse a lot to be understood. i like girls in sundresses and cowboy boots. i am, by leaps and bounds, the black sheep of my sweet sourthern family. i am still a recovering womanizer. i have awesome belt buckles. i have had two guns pulled on me in anger, neither of which was whilst i was in the army. i dont need a sidekick, a partner perhaps, but no sidekicks. i am the sort of fella you want on yer team come zombie time. i dont believe that anyone (except my momma) is too good to get punched in the face. i brush my teeth in the shower. i would rather have no biscuits with my gravy than substandard biscuits. i drink a lot of whiskey. my sideburns are sharper than most peoples wit. i dont often lose at scrabble....... and things like this...

I'd like to meet:

someone with change for a dollar, a blackbelt in haiku and a full deck of cigarettes . . ..robbie fulks doing 'each night i try'drive-by truckers 'aftermath usa'

Music:

gram parsons, robbie fulks .vs. ryan adams, black sabbath, the clash, lyle lovett, johnny cash, social distortion, the who, the new pornographers, miles davis, the dresden dolls, chris issac, patsy cline, wilco, son volt, the rolling stones, dwight yoakam, uhh..

Movies:

raising arizona, mother night, this is spinal tap, the big lebowski, dawn of the dead('77) 28 days later, iron monkey, zoolander, anchorman, the life aquatic, joe dirt, once upon a time in mexico, stop making sense, wild zero, sin city, uhh.

Books:

damn near anything by vonnegut or Tom robbins, most notably 'mother night' and 'still life with woodpecker'. i take my literature big and arbitrary, like 'the brothers karamozov' or 'infinite jest'. i take my bukowski like i take my whiskey, a whole fuckin' lot over a short period of time. and of course there is a hefty chunk of my brain well-seeped in robert jordan books.

Heroes:

my heroes have always been cowboys, but... people who can hold their liquor. people who handle their drugs as well they handle their kids. people who arent in the military. Miah Mabe. people who can distinguish between a daquari straw and the barrel of a shotgun. Richard Pryor. i like girls who rub my back. i like girls who dont smoke who will still make out with me. somewhere in the world there is a girl out there who would rather just stab me than hold a grudge when i commit some cataclysmic fuck-up (which is an inevitablity), i would like to buy this girl a drink.<

My Blog

puttin' the .hor. back in metaphor.

so, the ides of march, huh? two hours in and its already been a big stinkin' pain in my narrow ass. folks, our hero here needs a fucking vacation, not because my existence is so riddled with struggle,...
Posted by grievousnagel on Thu, 15 Mar 2007 03:19:00 PST

a fork in the eye, and a spider monkry on yer back

i can only assume that rehab is a lot like love. stupid. unbecoming. just wiaitin' fer yer sentence to end before you get shanked. fleeting. painfull. stupid. warm, soft sensual. beats the hell out of...
Posted by grievousnagel on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 10:41:00 PST

it'd be a lot cooler if i'd shut the fuck up

'wouldst thou  shape a noble life? then, cast no backwards glances to the past and though be somewhat lost and gone, thou still live as one newly born'   ..goethe during a rather specta...
Posted by grievousnagel on Mon, 25 Sep 2006 12:23:00 PST

with every rollover of every second, our hero here is only getting bettter.

you motherfuckers.a labour day creeps by with a pace traditionaly reserved fer the likes of yer respective grandmas digin change out their undersized coinpursses tryin; to round out thecoupons on thei...
Posted by grievousnagel on Tue, 05 Sep 2006 02:40:00 PST

more curves than a bucket of snakes

its probably too early fer a fella to be pourin' hisself shots. in lieu of any sort of functional breakfast ive  turned to bourbon whiskey. cigarettes count but just barely. drinkin' jim beam ou...
Posted by grievousnagel on Fri, 21 Apr 2006 11:39:00 PST

the harvest of the sideburns.

im feeling like shit, so i get to talk a lot of it.  day 2 of this sickness and im floatin' on herbal tea and coldmedicine. and cigarettes. the latter bein' an inevitably. the first two would be...
Posted by grievousnagel on Wed, 05 Apr 2006 08:56:00 PST

the call me the wrecking ball, cuz im the baddest of them all.

one shot of bourbon and a cigarette lit. friday night rolls by only to find me drinkin' by myself waitin' on whatever is to happen next. i was up 'til five.five this am past. this girl with whom i am...
Posted by grievousnagel on Sat, 01 Apr 2006 07:59:00 PST

pococurantism.

so it seems there is an ending in sight for our hero here. soon enough Texas wil be left starin' at the south end of this here particular northbound cat. thats a fucking dream come true, this state ha...
Posted by grievousnagel on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

a lil' bit more broken glass

will she even recognize me? upon our next inevitable encounter, the one ive spent far too many hours  anticipating. its not that theres been such obvious outward physical change, other than the i...
Posted by grievousnagel on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

shooting monkeys in the face and sleeping on broken glass (vol1)

friday in the am. i didnt know that people actually said shit like TGIF. yer gonna have to excuse my ignorance, this is the first regular old nine-to-five style job our hero here has ever had. but i ...
Posted by grievousnagel on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST