Finnerty

You know sometimes when I get up in the morning, I don't know if I can face another day because shit's been so fucking hard for so fucking long and it don't seem like shits ever going to change. Sometimes it seems like the shit ain't doin nothin' but getting worse. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I really despise at what I see. 'Cause pride strength, honor, love and life they don't seem to have a lot to do with me. Feels like something went wrong with me a long time ago, something inside me way deep down died and I can't remember when, I just don't know where the fuck I went wrong... What's life but a river of tears anyway, huh?Let me tell you something, rock bottom is a sweet fucking dream, a myth made up by a liar who's despair is a void you can slip into forever. I've been as low as you can go and I guess here at the bottom the only place you can go is up, but everytime I get ahead everytime I start to get somewhere it's seems like someone or something knocks me the fuck back down. One step forward, two steps back. I read somewhere "without hope, man is but an animal" ...I think I've lost hopeI'm so fuckin' tired of being fucked up all the time but I can't seem to do it any other way, maybe I'm not as strong as you but sometimes my fucked up life brings me down when I look around. My life it didn't make me hard, it just hardened something deep down inside of me. I think it was my humanity. I want it back, I want to feel normal again, I wanna feel like a human. I don't wanna be like this no more, I'm just looking for some shelter of salvation or something to believe in or maybe just, just someone who cared.There's no where to turn, everyone betrays you. I can't trust anyone and I'm so fucking paranoid. I'm always waiting for the fall, for the let down. It's just no way for sure. I can't remember when a day's gone by that I haven't thought about taking myself out. I know I ain't shit and I know I ain't ever be shit. I've got no future but I think I can deal with it, I think I can live, if I can just look at one person and see them smile at me and know that they meant it.No one ever said that life was fair and I'm not saying that it should be so knowing that you are what you want to be and I'm not comes as no surprise but don't expect me to be happy for you and don't smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too I don't want your pity...I hate your pity taste your vanity and its sweet bitterness as you hide behind your veil of my stolen hopes and lost dreams ...you took them all... I watched you steal my thoughts and had to see you smile as you build your dreams on my shattered hopes I'll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy.......