Other people.
So...I realized due to my stunning lack of inspiration to write in my own witticisms, I should start a collection of other people's:
Sir Ian Dangerous' Favorite Quotations!!
.."I used to be an atheist, until I realized I had nothing to shout during blowjobs. "Oh Random Chance! Oh Random Chance!" just doesn't cut it…." - Robert Anton Wilson
"I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal." - Groucho Marx
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin
"People suck, and that's my contention. I can prove it on a scratch of paper with a pen. Give me a fucking Etch-a-sketch, I'll do it in three minutes. The proof, the fact, the factorum. I'll show my work, case closed. I'm tired of this back-slapping "aren't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are." - Bill Hicks
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." - H. L. Mencken
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde
"A witticism is an epigram on the death of a feeling." - Frederick Nietzsche
"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me." -Hunter S. Thompson