Billy Webster / Eschaton

I think Eschaton is too hot. The internet is melting . . . wait, Eschaton is even hotter than we thought, because the internet which at first we thought to be melting is now evaporating! Evaporating, and condensing at vast altitudes into cute little internet clouds! . . . and those saucy little clouds, they appear to be gathering for a storm . . .the little internet clouds are cute and pink even though they look black now, silouhetted against the sun. But they are light like hydrogen and float higher and higher. As they rise, they approach the part of the sky that has no clouds: the cold part. We call to them in warning, but they cannot hear us. What will happen to the little internet clouds? We are all very worried here on earth because we have personified the little pink clouds of internet vapor, and now they are our friends. And just look at those naughty, foolish clouds, sailing higher and higher without any considerations or concerns for anybody else! Just like Icarus - but wait, what was that splash? I believe it's beginning to rain . . . Dear ancestors, I am writing from the 50th century to tell you the amazing story of how mankind achieved complete enlightenment. It will happen to you very soon, but because I am a prankster and I like to mess with your minds, I'm telling you the story now. One day, in the early 21st century, some Eschaton-infused data was blasted into the internet via e-mail (I know you are comparitively ignorant, but surely I do not have to explain Eschaton to you). If you are a student of Eschatology, you will have already guessed the consequences: the data was so hot that the metaphysical substance known as "the internet" literally began to evaporate. For several hours, the internet disappeared from the earth's surface as it gathered into light, floating structures known as "cute little pink clouds" and rose skyward. In this form, the internet rose and rose until finally it cooled down, and as it cooled, it begain to rain. Everywhere on Earth, it was raining internet. And what is the internet but information - the symbolic representation of human knowledge? It was astounding, it was breathtaking, and it nearly drowned the entire world. People were too dumbfounded to open their umbrellas, and soon everyone was soaked with internet. It flooded lakes and rivers and penetrated the drinking water. Eventually a person could not eat, drink, breathe, or smoke anything without absorbing a significant amount of knowledge. Eventually, everyone knew everything. And that is how humanity achieved complete enlightenment. What, you don't believe me? Then see for yourself . . . -Thea Jaffe