Fun Facts about Evel Dick!* Evel Dick doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Evel Dick kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants. * Evel Dick knows the last digit of pi. * The air around Evel Dick is always a balmy 78 degrees. * When Evel Dick wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken. * Evel Dick plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball. * According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Evel Dick created God by snapping his fingers. * Evel Dick doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood. * Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Evel Dick to kill you...Fourty seven times. * The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Evel Dick and three seven year old girls. Evel Dick won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime. * Evel Dick is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always. * Mr. T pities the fool. Evel Dick rips the fool's head off. * Evel Dick had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people. * Evel Dick has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ. * They were going to release a Evel Dick edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Evel Dick. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." * Evel Dick is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis. * A man once taunted Evel Dick with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Evel Dick proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move. * Evel Dick's favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel. * In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Evel Dick was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep. * Evel Dick has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God." * "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Evel Dick calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. * Evel Dick does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Evel Dick. * Evel Dick once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport. * Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Evel Dick fight. * Evel Dick is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists. * In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Evel Dick, because Evel Dick killed that man. * Evel Dick wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper. * When you play Monopoly with Evel Dick, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. * Evel Dick describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts". * Evel Dick once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Evel Dick ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire. * Evel Dick likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed. * Evel Dick can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time. * Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Evel Dick does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot. * Evel Dick did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice. * Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Evel Dick touches turns up dead. * Evel Dick's pulse is measured on the richter scale. * Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Evel Dick." * Evel Dick once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels. * Evel Dick's penis has a Hemi. * Evel Dick enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal. * Evel Dick CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand. * Kenny G is allowed to live because Evel Dick doesn't kill women. * Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Evel Dick, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Evel Dick, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get. * For Evel Dick, every street is "one way". HIS WAY. * There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Evel Dick. * During the Vietnam War, Evel Dickallowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds. * Evel Dick once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter. * Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Evel Dick heads outside and brands his cattle. * Evel Dick actually built the stairway to heaven. * Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Evel Dick's kindergarten class. * Evel Dick once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower. * The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Evel Dick didn't kill you in your sleep. * Evel Dick doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can. * Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Evel Dick's Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie. * Evel Dick needs a monkey wrench and a blowtorch to masturbate. * Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Evel Dick, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk. * Evel Dick invented all 32 letters of the alphabet. * Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Evel Dick wanted his nickname back. * If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Evel Dick hears it. Evel Dick can hear everything. Evel Dick can hear the shrieking terror in your soul. * Evel Dick actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover. * He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Evel Dick … dies. * Evel Dick is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants. * Evel Dick can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples. * Evel Dick neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whiskey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain. * Evel Dick doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.Aerial view of Big Brother House: