[the one and only]

The MESSAGE
Everyone's got "that" friend. You know, that one girl who only calls when she needs something; the one that will cry and complain about every little misstep in her life but is all too apathetic when your own hasn't exactly been peaches and cream.It's that friend that is more interested in sharing what's on her mind and waits only for her turn to talk. That one that seemingly has absolutely nothing to contribute to a conversation unless it concerns her.To those people, this message is for you...Please...ladies, I am not your boyfriend. I do not exist to be your personal companion in life, pickin you up when you need consolation and helping you through all the world's troubles and heartaches. I have neither the obligation, nor the desire to do so.Besides, I don't wanna hear you yammer about your bullshit if you don't even have the decency to listen to mine. And I mean really LISTEN...as in look at me with some intent and comprehend the words that are coming out of my mouth so you can digest it and offer your opinion, comments, etc., etc.....shit, sometimes I feel like I've had more meaningful exchanges with one night stands. I mean, come on...It's not like I'm a boring guy. As a matter of fact, popular opinion suggests otherwise.So don't treat me like your emotional cushion. Please...please, DO NOT call me when shit's not all roses and daisies with your significant other/ex-boyfriend you still have feelings for/love interest/last fuck. Know that, whenever you do, you take away a little bit of the youthful complacence that I enjoy.Cuz really, when it comes down to it, I'm a fuckin nice guy; I'll listen to you and try to reassure you that despite life's little attempts to bring you down, things are gonna be alright.I'll bare myself and empathize with your aches and pains, even though that essentially and consequently brings ME down. Somehow, feeling for you pulls me down from my air of optimism; you take away that precious real estate of mine that is my "happy place" as I try to absorb some of your torments. Not to say that the women in my life are all like that. On the contrary, there are only a select few...though it's still more than I'd want (which would be a resounding ZERO).On that note, I thought I'd thank the ones whose calls and meetings I actually looked forward to. You, ladies, are my assurance that there's better out there. I really enjoy having a drink with you while you talk about anything and everything whether it be Roe v. Wade, or California vs. Texas; I like it when you try to convince me to have an opinion on the war (which I don't), or when you tell me what Colorado is like over the phone.I'd much rather have that than dead silence on the phone, realizing that you didn't learn anything about the other person the entire time you were "talking" to her. I mean, I'm not an expert on the sociology of personal interaction, but isn't that what a conversation's about?So to those for whom this message is intended, do me a favor and just think before you call. If you wouldn't wanna put up with the same tired bullshit that you're about to tell me, maybe you'd better save your breath and call me when you're finally ready to TALK.Some commentary (or at least some shit I thought was relevant)I'm sure some of you guys out there are with me on this...well, at least the ones that aren't total assholes. I know you've been there before. Hell, everybody has. I just chose not to be ignorant and believe that nice guys DO finish last. Every single girl you know will tell you otherwise but I guarantee that most girls our age are lying and they don't even know it.They don't wanna settle with the nice guy...not now when they can go out, live life, make mistakes, and be with the jerkoffs that'll use and abuse them. Shit, especially thinking that "you'll always be there" for them, waiting to piece their hearts back together.Gents, have some dignity, DO NOT be that idiot...
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