Travis profile picture

Travis

This method acting, well, I call that living.

About Me

I'm your typical, completely self-absorbed, hypocritical, egotistical, pretentious L.A. asshole who wont think twice about employing manipulation, deceit, or any other Machiavellian-esque technique to get what I want from others. On the positive side, I'm intelligent, charming, and goodlooking....all the better to carry out aforementioned surreptitiousness in said fashion. In short, I'm better than you are. My low self-esteem causes me to point this out to whoever will listen - which is generally no one. My therapist has assured me that it's just a phase, though.

My Interests

working, traveling, reading fiction and political science, writing, poker, psychology, golf, being gluttonous, mensa, sarcasm (see "About Me"), satire, making fun of fat/ugly/grammatically-challenged people in order to placate my ego, waxing poetic and/or eloquent, modern art, shenanigans, whining, self-deprecation, irony, debauchery, playing fashion police, avocado and cottage cheese with lawry's seasoning salt, hippie-bashing, women in glasses, winetasting, daytrading, sneaking, crying at long-distance phone commercials. in that order.

I'd like to meet:

Other people as shallow as myself. Anyone interested in giving me a cush job. A lovely wife. Please dont bother sending me a friend request from your crappy band - I'm not interested. If you send me a friend request - because your masochistic personality has not turned you off after reading my About Me - it better be accompanied by a message as well. Also, if your favorite TV show is on the WB, if you can't recall the last time you picked up a book, or iF yOu TyPe LiKe ThIs, YoU nEeD nOt ApPlY. Idiot.

Music:

bright eyes, radiohead, postal service, the faint, beastie boys, 80's, rilo kiley, the streets, muse, !!!, death cab, DMX crew, wilco, mars volta, her space holiday, the presets, elliot smith, kings of convenience, peaches, anything off the saddlecreek label

Movies:

zoolander, the princess bride, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, reservoir dogs, the big lebowski, office space, garden state, happy endings, trainspotting, wedding crashers, clerks, the graduate, me,you,and everyone we know, shawshank redemption, royal tenenbaums, secretary, oldboy, buffalo '66,

Television:

aquateen hunger force, family guy, jeopardy, the daily show, bullshit!, da ali g show, curb your enthusiasm, the history channel

Books:

anything by Tom Robbins ("Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates" - favorite book), Elmore Leonard, Noam Chomsky, H. S. Thompson, James Elroy, Kurt Vonnegut, Robert Ludlum, Evanovich, Sanford, Clancy, Patterson, Hiasson...some cliche favorites include "A Clockwork Orange", "Brave New World", "A Brief History of Time", "Catcher In the Rye"... currently reading "Choke" (I became sick of everyone telling me they just read it, and finally gave in).

Heroes:

mom

My Blog

Travis Finally Finds a Friend in Sacramento

"Six dollars." The bartender placed my Ketel Martini  dirty, up, a splash of dry vermouth, and three olives  on the counter.   At least the drinks in this town are cheap.   I had noticed t...
Posted by Travis on Wed, 04 Oct 2006 08:29:00 PST

Strip-Searched In Germany, or, How I Came to Appreciate Our Bill of Rights

So I'm leaving for Prague in two days for a much-needed vacation from my miserable job. No doubt, I will return with many a story of slain gorgeous eastern European women, and surely said anecdotes wi...
Posted by Travis on Wed, 22 Feb 2006 10:30:00 PST

I Have Issues

I was supposed to be happy. I sure felt happy when I woke up. I had gone clothes-shopping the previous night, and had found this awesome warmup jacket. (I am perhaps the only straight male that t...
Posted by Travis on Fri, 17 Feb 2006 08:40:00 PST

Terms and Conditions for Compromise, Concession and Reconciliation Agreement

My brief foray into law...    Terms and Conditions for Compromise, Concession and Reconciliation AgreementApplicant(s): Travis B.         &nbs p;&...
Posted by Travis on Tue, 17 Jan 2006 10:10:00 PST

CalTrans (mis)Adventures II

Hmmm, maybe his Sour Cream & Onion chips are tax-deductible, I think to myself. Surely there could be no other reason why my new gothic community service associate Larry would be rummaging through...
Posted by Travis on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

CalTrans (mis)Adventures

For the past month I have been spending my weekends performing community service for West Hollywood. Affectionately dubbed Graffiti Removal by my friendly local court system, in reality it entails no ...
Posted by Travis on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

misaddressed letter

So I'm perusing the ubersite's "most recently viewed" list when i come across "Donovan's Youre A Racist Dr. Suess". Donovan? Why, I knew a Donovan in college! Could it be the same "swigging-water-from...
Posted by Travis on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST