SHOCKER profile picture

SHOCKER

I invented the Sham-WOW to clean up those pesky messes in the bedroom!

About Me

SHOCKER (shok-her)
Noun
def:
1- a Three fingered salute commonly used as an expression of love and devotion to those both close to ones self, and to just met aquaintences.
2- A sick and twisted fucker on myspace who has the uncanny ability to make people laugh. Most known for building strange contraptions, spanking people, masturbating profusely, and speaking his mind.
Welcome to the madness my minions of twisted reality! What can I tell you about myself. Hmm, where to begin? I enjoy the art of Bukakke and have made many beautiful paintings using this ancient and wonderous Japanese technique. The looks on the faces of those who have seen and experienced my works are a testament to my abilities and an artist!
I also enjoy creating strange contraptions that are loud, dangerous, and many times employ the use of large quantities of flamable materials which have been known to produce large explosions.
Toad licking and inhaling nitrous oxide are some of the ways I spend my evenings. Occasionally I bathe in maple syrup and roll in feathers or dirt so that I can look more normal while strolling the streets of my neighborhood looking for people to expose myself to.
Short women are a definite turn on to me, possibly because I am tall, often tired, and tend to slouch so it evens up the height difference. Midgets are ok, so long as they will fit into my backpack.
I like the zoo because molesting baby rhinos causes them to make the most adorable noises. Monkeys scare me. They bite. They don't taste good when you bite them back... unless you cook them very well with a nice marinade first.
I have an extensive collection of whips, chains, bad German porn, and a turkey baster. If this makes sense to you, we should talk!
I tend to write too much. I enjoy it. The voices in my head tell me to do it. They need an outlet or they get rowdy and cause problems.
I take random trips to the dentist, just because I like to have my teeth drilled. I love cheese. Piercings are hot. Touching va-jay-jay makes me feel naughty.... but in a good way. Not like when the priest touched me when I was a small boy. Or even when he did it last week.
Maybe I'll write more later. Right now I'm needing a cigarette. Did I mention I smoke and drink a lot... but never too much. You can never have enough!

Absinthe

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Psycho


Background art By Mel - 2DARK http://2dark.deviantart.com/

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Midgets, clowns, circus performers, cereal killers (yes the breakfast food), hackers, people who own stun guns and like to use them for no reason, the mentally ill, naked people, those who partake in drinking their own bodily fluids because they make me laugh, Germans (they also make me laugh), people who can lick their own body parts like dogs can, people into spankings, stamp collectors, the elderly, people with a penchant for wearing butter, butchers, avon representatives, jehovas witnesses, anyone that is naturally colored green or blue, and most others especially if they can make me laugh or give me a hard on.

My Blog

THESE ARE THE RULES!

Alright my dears, welcome to the madness of my mind.  Within these blogs lies a compendium of information about me, personal moments, and just plain strange stuff.  Get used to it.  It'...
Posted by on Mon, 13 Sep 2010 23:39:00 GMT

Another year has come and gone..... butt.............

Ok, so this blog is brought to you by our good friend tequilla!  Smooth, robust, never bitter, but sometimes a bit rowdy. Tequilla makes you just wanna "slap your momma!".So here's the deal. It's abou...
Posted by on Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:37:00 GMT

The news makes me laugh!

OK, its has been a while since I've put thoughts to the old keyboard, but after reading a news story tonight I just couldn't help it any longer. This has got to be one of the funniest things I've seen...
Posted by on Thu, 12 Mar 2009 05:06:00 GMT

Farewell my friend

This blog is for me.  Not for any of you.  It is just my way of saying goodbye.  As fucked up as it all is.  I needed to get it all out of my sysstem.  I can never recover the...
Posted by on Mon, 01 Dec 2008 10:11:00 GMT

2008 Halloween Party Invitation!!!

Come celebrate Halloween with us!  It will be a devilishly good time for all who attend!! Please click on the Event Page link below to RSVP. Hosted By: Miss Tish, Beazil Black and ShockerWhen...
Posted by on Sat, 18 Oct 2008 05:35:00 GMT

Left Speechless

Not much to say.   Pulled in and grasped like some lumbering giant ripped at me and forced my hand.  Guided me in the direction of where to go.    Brought out from storage. Old to...
Posted by on Thu, 07 Aug 2008 01:42:00 GMT

Unreplaceable

There are in life, certain things which dwell in our minds forever.  Memories that will never fade.  Locked in tight like the chiseled stone of some great monument.  Yet so special to t...
Posted by on Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:22:00 GMT

Deadly Fish and Sexy Singing

Hello again my minions of madness.  I know it has bee quite a while since I have posted a good-old-sit-down blog for your reading enjoyment.  Lots of interesting things have happened in my l...
Posted by on Tue, 13 May 2008 09:04:00 GMT

Horse Heads and Angel Wings Pt. 3

Well hello again dear readers.  I see I've caught your interest with the title of this blog eh?  Yes, it's finally time for part 3 of this little adventure series.  Again, if you haven'...
Posted by on Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:00:00 GMT

Far beyond broken

Far Beyond Broken - a short story by yours trulyThis is an experiment to see if I can still write like I used to.  I'm not a stranger in the least to putting pen to paper, although it has been so...
Posted by on Sun, 28 Oct 2007 08:14:00 GMT