2114374

I am a dynamic character, often seen scaling walls and catching high flying objects with my mouth. I have been known to chop down light posts and mail boxes with one swift jab after long road trips. I am occasionally associated with international synchronized knitting demonstrations. Once I released an army of ladybugs into an ex-girlfriends mothers' garden to destroy all the beauty heryard had to offer. I can turn ethnic slurs into politically correct dinnerconversation. I can do six minute abs in five, bake thirty minute cookies in twenty. However time isn't always on my side. In my younger years I operated a three ton fort lift to lift my fathers pick up truck so that my buddies and I could play a game of ultra four square in which lasted a whole weekend; I was named the victor, with my signature move the triple grip fake out spinner. I've read forty comic books in one day and still had enough time to masturbate seven times. After high school I took a year off and took a missionary trip to Mexico in which I entered in a bull fighting competition after a night of too much Jose Cuervo and two Paso Mexican whores. I spent three years in Canada hunting polar bears, eating snow cones, and learning the langue. I eat with my elbows on the table, and I jump on furniture when my parents have their backs turned. I pick my nose, I talk with my mouth full, and after countless mistakes in my younger years I now scratch my genitals often. I've been the tenth caller and won the sold out tickets. I know where you can find "Wild, Wild West" and "What Women Want" in any blockbuster video rental store. I sleep but once a month, when I do sleep its with your mother. Finally last winter while in Jerusalem, I found the meaning of life but was too stoned to remember.