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Insults are always free. COME GET SOME!
AOL screen name: DickEBiggs
AIM screen name: BiggsInLV
Some muzak for your entertainment. ENJOY!
My son is first priority. The 3 B's of life *BEER, BOWLING, BOOBS!*. Good comedy. Family Guy. Futurama. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Ska Music. Comedy movies. Stand up comedy. Asian chicks. Linkin Park. Metallica. Wu-Tang Clan. Mute Vietnamese hookers. Newcastle. Hot women and loose slots *or vice versa*. Proving to the world that fat guys OWN ALL. Starting a naked fishing charity organization and naming it 'Asses For Basses'. Finding a permanent cure for carpul tunnel syndrome before it starts to get worse. Billiards. Arcade games. Home video games. Nude twister with the cast of The Golden Girls. Farting in public and blaming it on children near me. Yucko The Clown *My new hero*. People who can make me laugh.
Anything to give me a good laugh...
Still a video game nerd and damn proud of it...DEAL WITH IT YA BASTIDS!
Go ahead...Rot your brain with this one
how jedi are you? :: by lawrie malen
I like to meet people who have the same warped sense of humor as I do. I believe that laughter IS the best medicine. As for preferences in women. I like em with a lil thickness. Some meat on the bones...I think you get the freakin' idea here, folks. I wanna meet someone who has the same interests as I do. If you wanna know those...You'll have to find out the hard way.
BIGGS'S SICK HUMOR!
I'll be adding jokes on here so you can share with your friends. And I WANT YOU!...YES YOU to send me jokes. The dirtier, the more tasteless, the more vulgar, THE BETTER!
You will see them in WHITE COLORED FONT! So basically if you're gonna be a whiny lil shit, don't read any further cause I attack ALL. ENJOY, SCUMBAGS!...
How do you know for a fact Jesus was never Mexican?
Lets see you try to find 3 wise men and a virgin down in Tijuana.
What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
An epileptic
Whats red and has seven little dents in it?
Snow Whites cherry
What's the ultimate in courage?
Two cannibals having oral sex
What do Polish lesbians use for lube?
Tartar sauce
What's the difference between a nympho and a lover?
A lover stops to eat.
What do you get when you cross a rooster and a peanut-butter sandwich?
A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
How can you tell the head nurse?
The dirt on her knees
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A chunk!
What's the difference between garbage and a Jersey girl?
The garbage gets picked up
Hear bout the guy who was half Polish and half Italian?
He made himself an offer he couldn't understand
What can you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag
Did you hear Helen Keller's dog ran away?
You'd run away too if your name was 'RUNNNNGHFUGHHFFF!'
How do you confuse the shit out of a blind person?
Get them to try to read a stucco wall
What do you call a lesbian eskimo?
A KlonDYKE!
What did the blonde do after she was done sucking cock?
Spit out the feathers
Whats a Jewish dilemma?
Free ham
What's the difference between karate and judo?
Karate is a method of self-defense...Judo is what bagels are made from
What's the difference between OOH and AAH?
About 3 inches
What's eight miles long and has an IQ of forty?
The St. Patrick's Day Parade
Why did God give Mexicans noses?
So they have something to pick in the off season
What do you call a gay milkman?
A Dairy Queen!
How do you spot a blonde who owns a vibrator?
She has a chipped front tooth
How do you know when a mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is CLEAN
A drunk guy is walkin out of a bar and he just HURLS all over himself. He looks down and goes: "Aww shit! My wife is gonna kill me if she found out I was drinkin. Now i got puke all over me!" A man next to him says "Don't worry, friend. Just tell your wife some jackass puked on you and you'll be OK" He takes the advice and goes home to his wife who yells about the shirt. The wife says, "OK so someone puked on your shirt. Then why you walking funny?" The drunk shouts, "HE SHIT IN MY PANTS TOO!"Random Thoughts
You know i'm sick and tired of ranting. What good does bitching and complaing do? Nothing. If I had a buck for every time i've had a complaint about something or wanted to slap a person silly, i'd be a fuckin BILLIONAIRE!
And my mind just wanders with such random stupidity I figured it's bout time i wrote it down for your enjoyment...If you enjoy this kind of shit.
NEW RANDOM THOUGHS IN RED FONT
The other day I was at work and The Maury Show happened to be on TV at the bar. I saw a quick glimpse of it and they had a thing about Siamese twins. Well as we all know me, i'm a freak. First thought that came to my head was...If you got laid by one of the Siamese twins still conjoined...Would that automatically be a threesome? SERIOUSLY! Help me on this one. Another brain bender. What if they shared the same lower extremeties, one likes you and the other despises you. If you slept with half of one at her will and against the others...is that rape? Sick. I know. But my mind doesn't stop there, heh.
Take THIS into consideration. Siamese Twins...Joined at the hip...Meets another Siamese twin joined at the hip as well and fall in love. Before you think 'Hes fuckin lost it' hear me out on this. Now say one night they get hot n heavy. They all have to do it all TOGETHER. It's an orgy every time! But the bitch is they couldn't do any 'variations' such as doggy style or 69'ing each other. Then it would be cheating. Think bout it. Take your hands and make a peace sign. Hold fingertips to fingertips. Thats missionary. Now invert. Thats 69'ing. They couldn't! Unless they wanna consider themselves swingers. Write to me. Tell me what you think....or just write and tell me i'm a complete fuckin crackpot that needs to be put away for years.
Thought 2
You know something you never see? A restaraunt that caters to people who suffer from bulimia. They eat just as well as normal people. They just have to run to the bathroom, visit the porcelain god, make a deposit and come back all guilty. Why not give them a guilt free environment? WHY you ask? Well shit they cater to everyone else whos got a freakin problem. Hell, they're giving fat people handicap stickers for their cars. Some countries give addicts sterile needles to heroine addicts. People with bulimia just think they're a lil chubby. Let em blow it all back up! And give them a place to do it.
We'll call the restaraunt 'Scarf N' Barf'. Each booth will be in their own cubicle so they can feel more comfortable instead of people staring them down. Each table or booth will come complete with their own little toilet, air freshener, and bib so they don't get themselves TOO messy. And everyday they'll have menu specials like 'The Breakfast Blast', 'The Lunch Launch' or even 'The Dinner Drop'. And every meal will finish off with a shot of Syrup of Ipecac. *LOOK IT UP FUCKOS* I think its great. They eat guilt free and those will be some busy fuckin chefs! I WAS thinking of a place for anorexics...but those cooks would be bored off their asses.
All random thoughts are straight from my mind. If you got pissed off, offended, freaked out...all i can say is FUCK YOU. If you can't handle my mind, you don't stand a snowballs chance in hell of knowing the true me.
Not TOO picky. I'll give anything a try once. But i'm not too big on the new rap/hip-hop scene. Mostly rock, 80's, old school hip hop, and anything else that perks my interest.
Comedy and action. Blazing Saddles, The Fifth Element, Brain Donors, Tombstone...Anything that will make me laugh my ass off or some good non-stop action to keep me goin.
A little clip from one of the greatest movies of all time, Blazing Saddles. Muggers, buggers, bushwackers, bulldykes, and methodists....Which category do you fall into?
Beerfest...Now THATS beer chuggin at its finest. 'Finish your beer, asshole!'
A great man. Fast thinkin, smooth talkin. My idol, Van Wilder
I think it's funny as hell how most people don't know how dirty Bob Saget from 'Full House' fame was. Well here's a little taste of it in 'Half Baked': "Ever suck some dick for coke?!"
Here's another great classic. This is a trailer for the 1980's classic comedy 'Airplane!' "Surely you can't be serious!" "I am serious...And don't call me Shirley"
Seth MacFarlane is a genius when it comes to pop culture references and comedy writing. Here's some of the great ones.
Bundy is a god. Don't fuck with AL.
What are those?
Anyone that inspired me to do comedy and has pushed the envelope over the years. First my folks. Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Hicks, Sam Kinneson, Howard Stern, Yucko The Clown, Stephen Lynch, Bill Cosby, Gallagher...The list keeps going and going and going...