SAM

......You Know You're Haitian When.... Your parents still put you "a genou" even though you are 19. You use bed sheets as window curtains. You've eaten rice within the past 3 days. You eat too much chicken, diri kole, or diri a djon djon. Your living room couches are covered with plastic. You buy your cereal at Farmer's Market. You buy your fruit at Basket Market. You try to bargain your way out of everything and anywhere even in department stores. To get out of trouble with a fellow Haitian, you use the phrase: "bon sa-ou genyen la?, se Ayisyen nou ye mon(ma)che." Once the temperature gets below a certain level, you lose all concepts of coordination when it comes to things like snow boots, winter coats, scarves, and hats often doing things like wearing two different color hats at the same time. You have a bunch of expensive perfumes on your dresser but prefer to use the cheaper ones because you don't want to waste your good stuff. You point at things and people with your lips. You just don't feel fresh until you've drenched yourself in "Bien Etre" Your house is so packed with meubles and *biblos* that you can't even take two steps. There are entire rooms in your house that no one is allowed to go in because they are reserved for company. You have three sets of china: odd, even, and miss-matched. You might be late for a wedding or may not even even show up at all,... but damn it, you are early for the reception! And of course you bring home a plate wrapped in aluminum foil and some 'gateau'. You prefer juice in the form of concentrated syrup. The weakest old woman can strike fear into your heart with just one look. When you really get mad at someone you want to take off your shoe and slap him or her with it. You prefer salt and pepper in your peanut butter rather than sugar. Saturday is "bouillon day" at your house Yawning more often indicates hunger than fatigue. All soda is called "cola" and all chewing gum is called "Chicklets". Maggi, Matouk's/Tabasco, & tomato paste are cooking essentials. You refuse to throw out old grease. So that everything you fry has that taste of fried fish, chicken, bannan pese, or griot. The US is only made up of three cities: Miami, NY, and Boston. 2001 was more significant than the year 2000. Deep fried pork (griot) is one of your favorite dishes. You have either Jean or Marie placed somewhere in your name and you know someone named Roro, Fanfan, Pouchon or Marie Rose. Your furniture is too big for your house. You dip bread in your coffee, hot chocolate, and even certain kinds of liquor (Kremas). You go to work as though you were dressed for church, you go to church as if you were dressed for a wedding, and you go to a wedding as if you were dressed to meet Queen Elizabeth. When you hear "pssssssssst", you know that someone is trying to get your attention. You nod your head upward to greet someone when you're too busy to talk. If someone says that the party starts at 8pm, then you know not to show up until 11PM! You're proud to be Haitian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Haitian friends!