I Am A Survivor
I have been victimized.
I was in a fight that was not a fair fight.
I did not ask for the fight. I lost.
There is no shame in losing
such fights, only in winning.
I have reached the stage of survivor
and am no longer a slave of victim status.
I look back with sadness rather than hate.
I look forward with hope rather than despair.
I may never forget
but I need not constantly remember.
I was a victim.
I am a survivor
This site is dedicated to ALL the women who have fought, survived, living with, and have lost against Domestic Violence. Too many of our mothers, sisters, daughters, best friends, aunts, cousins, neighbors, and others have hid in the fear of knowing how to get help. Well now here is an outlet, it may be small and it may be MySpace but help can be provided here. Sharing of stories, finding friends, finding confidence from others. I myself was a victim to domestic violence! For years I hid behind my baggy clothes and my house walls not wanting ANYONE to know the true story. Finally with the helo of some amazing people i was able to free myself, I was ONE fo the lucky ones. Many women do NOt get the chance to have help. This site will provide information for those who seek it. They can ask myself, or other people who decide to become apart of this. We ask ALL women across the world to leave comments and messages on here for some women may feel to ashamed or afraid to add this to there page! We are here to help and help only!!!! Thank you!
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. The abusive person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover or dating partner. A psychologist and law school professor who is an expert in domestic violence has described it as "a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behavior of the other partner." (Mary Ann Dutton)
Domestic violence happens to people of all ages, races, ethnicities, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships. Economic or professional status does not indicate domestic violence - abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors, judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, schoolteachers, truck drivers, homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest ghettos, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.
About 95% of victims of domestic violence are women. Over 50% of all women will experience physical violence in an intimate relationship, and for 24-30% of those women, the battering will be regular and on-going. Every 15 seconds the crime of battering occurs. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence General Information Packet). Most abusers are men. They may seem gentle, mean, quiet or loud, and may be big or small. There is some evidence that shows boys who grow up with domestic violence often become abusers as adults, however, many abusers are from non-violent homes, and many boys from violent homes do not grow up to be abusive.
The law defines domestic violence in very specific ways. Every state and U.S. territory has laws that allow its courts to issue protection orders, as do many Indian tribes. Each state, territory or tribe decides for itself how to define domestic violence and how its laws will help and protect victims, so the laws are different from one jurisdiction to another. Although you may be a victim of domestic violence, the laws in your jurisdiction may be written in a way that does not include or protect you. This does not mean that you are not a victim, and it does not mean that you should not seek help.
The law is a useful and important tool for increasing safety and independence, but it is not the only tool. In addition to legal assistance, you might benefit from safety planning, medical care, counseling, economic assistance and planning, job placement, childcare, eldercare or pet care assistance, or many other types of practical help and advice. You can seek assistance from advocates, shelters, support groups, the National Domestic Violence Hotline, and perhaps even your religious leader or doctor.
Shot at 2007-07-01
STATISTICS
♥Domestic violence has impacted about 44% of women at some point during their adult lives, according to a recently published survey.
♥Considerably fewer women, about 15%, reported domestic violence within the past five years, and that figure fell to about 8% for incidents in the past year
♥Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime
♥Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey
♥Nearly 25 percent of American women report being raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or date at some time in their lifetime, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey, conducted from November 1995 to May 1996.
♥Thirty percent of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year.
♥In the year 2001, more than half a million American women (588,490 women) were victims of nonfatal violence committed by an intimate partner.
♥Intimate partner violence is primarily a crime against women. In 2001, women accounted for 85 percent of the victims of intimate partner violence (588,490 total) and men accounted for approximately 15 percent of the victims (103,220 total).
♥As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy
♥Women of all races are about equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate
♥Male violence against women does much more damage than female violence against men; women are much more likely to be injured than men
♥The most rapid growth in domestic relations caseloads is occurring in domestic violence filings. Between 1993 and 1995, 18 of 32 states with three year filing figures reported an increase of 20 percent or more
♥Women are seven to 14 times more likely than men to report suffering severe physical assaults from an intimate partner
DOMESTIC HOMICIDES
On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.
Women are much more likely than men to be killed by an intimate partner. In 2000, intimate partner homicides accounted for 33.5 percent of the murders of women and less than four percent of the murders of men
Pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than to die of any other cause18 , and evidence exists that a significant proportion of all female homicide victims are killed by their intimate partners.
Research suggests that injury related deaths, including homicide and suicide, account for approximately one-third of all maternal mortality cases, while medical reasons make up the rest. But, homicide is the leading cause of death overall for pregnant women, followed by cancer, acute and chronic respiratory conditions, motor vehicle collisions and drug overdose, peripartum and postpartum cardiomyopthy, and suicide
..6Are You Being Abused?
Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it’s abuse. Does your partner.... ____Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
____Put down your accomplishments or goals?
____Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
____Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
____Tell you that you are nothing without them?
____Treat you roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
____Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
____Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
____Blame you for how they feel or act?
____Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
____Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
____Prevent you from doing things you want - like spending time with your friends or family?
____Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson"?
Do You...
____Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
____Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
____Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
____Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
____Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you?
____Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
____Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.
Your Domestic Violence Survival Kit
Protecting Yourself in a Dangerous Relationship
Print and Carry with you
Shot at 2007-07-02
If you are still in the relationship:
• Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs; avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom) or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
• Think about and make a list of safe people to call.
• Keep change with you at all times.
• Memorize all important numbers.
• Establish a code word or sign so that family, friends, teachers or coworkers know when to call for help.
• Think about what you will say to your partner if he or she becomes violent.
• Remember you have the right to live without fear and violence.
Your Personal Safety Plan
The following steps are my plan for increasing my safety and preparing to protect myself in case of further abuse. Although I can't control my abuser's violence, I do have a choice about how I respond and how I get to safety. I will decide for myself whether and when I will tell others that I have been abused or that I am still at risk. Friends, family and coworkers can help protect me, if they know what is happening and what they can do to help. To increase my safety, I can do some or all of the following:
When I have to talk to my abuser in person, I can ________________________________
When I talk to my abuser on the phone, I can ___________________________________
I will have a code word for my family, coworkers or friends, so they know when to call for help for me. My code word is ________________
When I feel a fight coming on, I will try to move to a place that is lowest risk for getting hurt such as (at work)__________, (at home)____________, (in public)_________________.
I can tell my family, coworkers, boss or a friend about my situation.
I feel safe telling: ______________________________________________
I can use an answering machine or ask my coworkers, friends or other family members to screen my calls and visitors.
I have the right to not receive harassing phone calls.
I can ask to help screen my phone calls. (home)________ (work) _____________
I can keep change for phone calls with me at all times.
I can call any of the following people for assistance or support if necessary and can ask them to call the police if they see my abuser bothering me.
Friend _______________________________________
Relative ______________________________________
Coworker _____________________________________
Counselor _____________________________________
Shelter _______________________________________
Other ________________________________________
When leaving work I can:
_________________________________________________
When walking, riding or driving home, if problems occur, I can: _____________________
I can attend a support group for women who have been abused. Support groups are:_______ ____________________________________________________________ ________
Telephone numbers I need to know:
• Police/Sheriff's Department: ___________________
• Probation officer: _________________
• Domestic violence/sexual assault program:________________
• Counselor: ________________
• Clergy: _____________________
• Lawyer: ___________________
After you have left the relationship:
• Change your phone number. • Screen calls.
• Save and .. all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer.
• Change locks if the batterer has a key.
• Avoid staying alone.
• Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
• If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place.
• Vary your routine.
• Notify school and work contacts.
• Call a shelter for battered women.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
WHAT IS BATTERING?
Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Battering happens when one person believes they are entitled to control another. Assault, battering and domestic violence are crimes. Definitions: Abuse of family members can take many forms. Battering may include emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, using children, threats, using male privilege, intimidation, isolation, and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation and power. In all cultures, the perpetrators are most commonly the men of the family. Women are most commonly the victims of violence. Elder and child abuse are also prevalent. Acts of domestic violence generally fall into one or more of the following categories: Physical Battering - The abuser’s physical attacks or aggressive behavior can range from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is excused as trivial contacts which escalate into more frequent and serious attacks. Sexual Abuse - Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied by, or culminates in, sexual violence wherein the woman is forced to have sexual intercourse with her abuser or take part in unwanted sexual activity. Psychological Battering -The abuser’s psychological or mental violence can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal property. Battering escalates. It often begins with behaviors like threats, name calling, violence in her presence (such as punching a fist through a wall), and/or damage to objects or pets. It may escalate to restraining, pushing, slapping, and/or pinching. The battering may include punching, kicking, biting, sexual assault, tripping, throwing. Finally, it may become life-threatening with serious behaviors such as choking, breaking bones, or the use of weapons.
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