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IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY HUSBAND MARK BONILLA/Jan 56/May 07
BEST VIDEO,TRY AGAIN ! SUICIDE PREVENTION,LIVE !
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If I'd've known the way that this would endIf I'd've read the last page first If I'd've had the strength to walk away If I'd've known how this would hurt...I would've loved you anyway I'd do it all the same Not a second I would change Not a touch that I would trade Had I known my heart would break I'd've loved you anywayIt's bittersweet to look back now At mem'ries withered on the vine But just to hold you close to me For a moment in time...And even if I'd seen it coming You'd still've seen me running Straight into your armsI would've loved you anyway I'd do it all the same Not a second I would change Not a touch that I would trade Had I known my heart would break I would've loved you anyway I would've loved you anyway
"The capacity to love requires the necessity to mourn. ~ Dr. Alan Wolfelt"Your buddy MY COMFORTERThe world had all gone wrong that day And tired and in despair, Discouraged with the ways of life, I sank into my chair.A soft caress fell on my cheek, My hands were thrust apart. And two big sympathizing eyes Gazed down into my heart.I had a friend; what cared I now For fifty worlds? I knew One heart was anxious when I grieved— My dog's heart, loyal, true."God bless him," breathed I soft and low, And hugged him close and tight. One lingering lick upon my ear And we were happy—quite.I miss him. I'm learning to live with the grief. Grief is with me wherever I go and in whatever I do. Sometimes stays under control and sometimes tries to be the center of my attention. Sometimes I win and somtimes grief wins the moment. ~Rita Cope (( "You hurt so bad because you loved so deep".))The man asked the woman " Will you love me until I die?". The woman looked gently at the man, took his face in her hands and said "No, I will love you until I die".So many people will ask us during our grief, why do we still love them after what they have done before the death by suicide and afterwards. That one statement is an indication of true love, unconditionally given and taken.This is exactly how I feel about my Mark. I did not stop loving him when he died, I will love him until I die.
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE,MY HUSBAND,MY SOUL MATE "MARK BONILLA"1956~2007 "SUICIDE doesn"t end Pain.It only lays it on the broken shoulders of the survivors.
My love will stay 'till the river bed run dry And my love lasts long as the sunshine blue sky I love him longer as each damn day goes The man is gone and heaven only knows'Cause I've cried days, I've cried nights For the lord just to send me home some sign Is he near ? is he far ? Bring peace to my black and empty heart So long day, so long night Oh Lord, be near me tonight Is he near ? is he far ? Bring peace to my black and empty heart.On May 4th,07 my world turned dark,when my husband and soul mate committed suicide. I am left wondering Why? He was my best friend,soul mate , my world. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest! I am angry and want to isolate myself from others who just don't get it! Unless you are dealing with this kind of pain others just do not understand this grieving process and associate it with any other grief of losing a loved one. I am here to tell you that this grief is not the same!! This is sudden,a shock,it leaves you with wondering why? Why did'nt I see it coming,why?! we were so close. Why did'nt I know?! What could I have done different to have prevented this? I carry guilt because I feel I could of prevented this. My world has been shaken to the very core,something I never gave a thought about has happened to me,and my love. I thought suicide was rare! I did'nt know over 30,000 people in the United States alone kill their selves!! Most likely this number is higher because some accidents and overdoses may be a suicide.. Every 45 seconds there is an attempt,Every 16 minutes a suicide is completed !Every 17 minutes someone is left to try and make sense of it!..if only I had known these things..Maybe---? I did'nt know. I cry everyday, Im pissed off at God! Why did'nt you heal him? Why did'nt you save him? he loved you and you let him down!Yet I know God is my only Hope. Now I am a survivor of my husbands suicide. I just want him BACK! How do I live without him? How do I go on!This is like an amputation of a Limb that has taken place! It Hurts! I will never be the same person again! Mark was my world..I never thought we would part this way..We both were working so hard at his sobriety.He wanted it really bad,getting drunk was no longer a party,he was losing everything. I know he felt hopeless , but it was'nt hopeless,he just needed to brush himself off , get up and try again! I was waiting for him..I was walking beside him threw his pain but I could,nt enable him.. Please anyone thinking this will end the pain,it does'nt ,it just transfer's the Pain onto already heavily burdened shoulder's .Look at our faces!There are other survivors on my myspace friends,look at the pain! If you need help call:1-(877)7-crisis or 1 (877)727-4747 STOP SUICIDE! It does'nt stop the Pain, it's only the beginning! One has died and the other one feels as if they did!
glitter-graphics.com I cry in private, I cry alone. The tears are not always those warm and comforting ones that bring solace. They sometimes are those of anger, shouting out against injustice and the sore trials of life, sometimes those of raging against the world and sometimes those of self-pity. They are sad tears and angry tears and even tears of joy. I do not often share them with the world.But tears they are. Whether public or private, tears are an honest expressionof grief. They are God's gift and not to be denied. In my tears and grief, I question, search and grow. I cannot do it with dishonesty and denial. God is in my tears and in my sorrow as well as in my joy and my hope. God is there to shower down love and to soften the pain.Do not ask me to deny my tears. Allow them to wash my inner wounds and speed the healing of my heart. I claim the privilege of tears, for God has not asked me to do otherwise. He has promised to be with me always, even in my tears.
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