The Claw ®

I. Am. Awesome. So awesome, in fact, it will BLOW YOUR MIND. I have the most kick-ass friends EVER, and my family is very important to me. I will do almost anything for a laugh. I am a drummer. I LOVE music. I have a general contempt for most people because there are just WAY too many of the stupid ones wandering around. I'm honest (albeit brutally so), but I consider myself to be a loving and caring individual at heart - if I like you. That being said, every person I meet gets one chance. I'm a very forgiving person, but I'm NOT a pushover, so I don't believe in 3rd or 4th chances. I HATE to be rushed, so don't do it. I don't high-five, so don't try it - I WILL leave you hanging. I don't do mornings. I DETEST drama and pettiness. I have a love/hate relationship with all things scatological. I have a terrible short-term memory, which should not be confused with dullardism. My memory loss is probably directly linked to the sheer volume of alcohol and THC I have consumed throughout my life. Despite my intelligence, I still need to count on my fingers, as I am TERRIBLE at math. I am exceedingly difficult to offend, and I have been called "uncouth" on several occasions. I have a delightfully filthy sense of humor. If you really wanna know more about me, just ask. Unless you're one of the aforementioned "stupid people." In which case, leave me the hell alone. Seriously.