The R J Wagsmith Band was a seminal band in the eighties and nineties. All the guys played seminals and they often featured on alternative music and cookery shows of the day.
Their influence on today's musicians is undisputed. Or, if it is disputed, it's only disputed by Ralph and, to be honest, Ralph's memory's gone. Let's face it, the human body can't take that much corned beef.
When the Wagsmiths first started performing their unique blend of indie/rock/house/garage/loft extension/fusion they were mocked and reviled. Little has changed.
Ralph, Norman, Graham and Tarquin refused to be discouraged. They toured the country playing in pubs, youth hostels, village halls - anywhere they could get an audience. Gradually, word spread and soon no-one at all was coming to see them. Then Ralph had his big idea. Or The Big Idea as he called it.
As no-one in the band could actually sing, or even hold a tune, it would be better if they just talked. And sometimes shouted.
The rest, as they say, is History. Though quite a lot of it is Geography as well because they were on the road for months on end and to do that you have to have someone who is good at map reading and quite frankly Graham was bloody useless. I mean, who in their right mind would take you down the A303 and the A30 to Exeter and then up the A396 to Tiverton when it's obviously much easier to go down the M5, come off at Junction 27 and then go straight down the A373? Which is why we were late for the Tiverton Animal Liberation Front Dinner Dance. Still, that's Graham for you. A useless twat.
Graham has been out of the business for a while but Wagsmith fans will be thrilled to hear that he has vowed to return to the band pending the result of the indecency charge.
Meanwhile Tarquin, Ralph and Norman have vowed to keep the Wagsmith flag flying. They feel they have to. Music is their life.
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