self gratification
jon stewart, alton brown (well, i did once, but it was all too brief at a book signing, and he'd put on some weight, so there's still a tugjob waiting for next time), Michael Gira (someone else i've met all too briefly, though at least it was in a filthy men's room, regretfully it was not the degrading/objectifying encounter i'm still waiting for...)
i don't want to hear about your band, i'm sure it's awful and you'll never get anywhere. it's okay though, neither will i. it's the circle of life... [cue Lion King music]
reading is for queers. that said, i highly recommend The Consumer by Michael Gira. just thinking about it makes me want to treated like the worthless piece of meat i know i am (damn, i'm all hot and bothered just thinking about it).