About Me
...Just make it go away...Hated yet loved in a simple state of shock leaves the mind restless in the age of tomarrow(HAHAHA!! dont ask it just came to me for some reason while i was typing) The one I secretly love, I would fall to my knees for you...Spend every second of my life just trying to get to you...my longing for you has overcome my life and now I still see your face, it haunts my dreams and never leaves. Still searching for the moment I can be there by your side. Walking down the dark alley where a soft orange glow of a street lamp can be seen from afar, I see you, standing there waiting. I call out your name in the silence of the night but it cannot be heard, no matter how close i try to get to you, you still seem so far away...I run as fast as i can and stop when i realize its just not working. I find that if i stay here and you love me enough, then you will come to me...ive been waiting for a while now and you havent budged...whats holding you back? doubt, hatred, sadness? You dont have to doubt me, the fact that hurts is that i dont know love, i never had it...so i wait still stareing at you from a distance that cannot be seen in reality. The thoughts run through my mind as i lay bleeding waiting for you to take notice and save me...im running out of time, i try screaming your name but nothing comes out, so i lay on my back gazing at the moon waiting, bleeding, confused...it all seems so strange that all i want is u but it cannot be true. the thought stays in my mind till i see someone walk up to me and smile gracefully, i close my eyes and open them slowly and i see memories of that i have never had but wanted truely i am awoken from these untrue memories and see him infront of me moving in for a kiss. As his lips gently press against mine, i realize that i am dreaming...i wake up looking to the ceiling in a gaze of wonder..."am i feeling this for a reason"..." who is this that i am waiting/longing for"... the song keeps repeating...I cant stop thinking about you...what is happening to me? is this what love is? but how can i love something not in this world? "it is not possible" the phrase that keeps flowing through my mind. Can i be saved by these thoughts, can they have some meaning...noone can tell me. the thoughts are persistant. How can i stop the pain, if i really want it...i cant stop it keeps appearing, i think of something else and it reminds me of the pain that i endure with every endless second of my life. "Whats happening?" the pain can be delt with...i kinda enjoy it...why? can it be answered in one word? would it be the word i hate with all my heart...love? the thoughts keep comming. the song keeps playing... i cant stop listening. i change the song but i change it back again, not able to control myself...what is this?! i look back at my past to remember the real memories but the unreal memories come back. how can i have these memories...they are not real, i again realize i just want you...you...the one who keeps haunting my dreams...except now, i dont have to be asleep to hear you...i dont have to be asleep to see you, your here somewhere. i just cant find you...of course...i know now that it must be my fate that has drivin me crazy with the thoughts of you...my love, my life, the one keeping me alive...can you show me true love? or is that not your place...if not, then what? i still cannot tell. i sleep again with the same thoughts...yet another shows...here again it continues...your lips pressing against mine, i didnt want you to let me go...the kissing stops and you slowly dissapear as you walk further away from me...a tear rolls down my cheek as i watch, but i dont feel anything because before you left you whispered...you'll be waiting...i wipe my emotionless face, erasing the tear that had fallen. i am determined to find you...i keep running after you. im getting closer this time. then as i realize it you are still walking. i stop and notice that i am not ready to run quite yet, so i walk, slowly but sure i will reach you...i wonder if you will be waiting aswell. i stop walking and lay on the ground gazing at the moon once again...in this never ending alley...Dreams can be chased yet, they are hard to reach if you really want them, i chase this dream forever, even knowing it is almost impossbile to get to..i hate knowing this..i want to get there, i want to reach it, i have to..I think ill just give up on everything and just chase my dream..i know i dont want to give up on love..romance..or anything else that i cannot get my hands on anyways...not able to be with someone just tears me apart..so why try, ill just maybe give up...haha, expressive arn't I..
