Q: Why should the University of Michigan change its name to the "Opossums"?A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.******************************************************* ************************************************************ One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor Michigan, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"Little Jimmy says, "The Ohio State Buckeyes."The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan, my mom is a Buckeye fan, I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan."The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan."******************************************************* ************************************************************ Q: What do Michigan and pot have in common?A: They both get smoked in bowls!****************************************************** ************************************************************ *It was reported that Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.************************************************* ************************************************************ ******Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?A: So they can park in handicap spaces.***************************************************** ************************************************************ **Q: Why did Michigan change their field from grass to artificial turf?A: To keep the Michigan cheerleaders from grazing at half time.******************************************************* ************************************************************ One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.The Wolverine fan walks over to the Buckeye fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."The Buckeye fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."The Buckeye fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Wolverine, "I think this is another sign--we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Wolverine fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back to the Buckeye fan and says, "Your turn!"The Buckeye fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."******************************************************** ***********************************************************Q : Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?A: Because cats keep covering them up.********************************************************* **********************************************************Ge neral Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish.""Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?"After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."***************************************************** ************************************************************ **Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.****************************************************** ************************************************************ *Ann Arbor News Report: Football practice in Ann Arbor was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field.The head coach, Lloyd Carr, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.****************************************************** ************************************************************ *An Ohio State Buckeye fan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Ohio State Buckeye baby boy weighing 25 pounds Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Ohio fan just shrugs and replies, "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Ohio State Buckeye baby boy. Gonna be an Ohio State football player." Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!" One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, aren't you the father of that typical Ohio State Buckeye baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" The Ohio father takes a slow swig of his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."*********************************************** ************************************************************ ******** I got this layout from Deepbox.com! along with other cool Myspace Layouts and Myspace Comments