Just what the hell is LOCKBODY, anyway?
Lockbody n. a medical condition involving such severe,
incapacitating, paralyzing, mind-destroying drunkenness
that as the sufferer stands (try as you might, you cannot
kneel), bowing like polite Japan and wretchedly retching
over the stained porcelain of shattered promise, you will
freeze -- rigidly stricken -- doubled over like a little knick-
knack shelf-bracket holding up yr mommy's cheesy Hum-
mel figurines, and the only way to release yourself from
the bondage-of-the-barf is to stomp one foot repeatedly
on the floor while punching yourself in the other leg (or
the gut) for good measure, thus alleviating the puke-
pressure that cramps your muscles into a Gordian
knot no blade can pierce.
wow, that sounds really nasty!
...so what's it got to do with some band?
Well, Tonya Wise said she thought it meant the way
the singer's chest hair curled up into little locks
whenever he got all sweaty with the rockin'.
He likes that one best.
aaawwww... that is so-o-o-o-o cuuuute!!!
but i mean, seriously...
OK, OK....:
Lockbody was originally formed in 1993 by two
surviving members of Birmingham, Alabama thrash
monsters COMPOUND FRACTURE. Master guitar-
slasher "Bullet" Bob Russom & drummin'-demon
Skohti "Butthole-Saw Shitter-Splitter" Ham-
ilton had been tossing around for some time the
reformation of the most vile & offensive band
on the late '80s scene. There were reasons to
avoid the original bassist, we won't go into that
here. Possibly, at the time, no-one knew where
he was anyway. Nomatter.... With the addition
of bass-brutalizer Dave "Mr. Beverage"
Manning, the mad-scientists' fiendish
creation began to take form....
But who could possibly handle the vocal reins of
such a tempestuous beast? No mere mortal, obviously!
The original CF singer, DAZ, was sought out initially to
reclaim his former glory, but was mostly unavailable
for one reason or another. You can ask him, if you
like (good luck...). The next sickie-pervo to be
offered the job of fronting this sonic bulldozer
was Mad Dawg Doom. Well, he was just too
damn' busy, couldn't never get ov'r'air....
Enter "The Reap Whistle".
He was actually the original choice for singer, but was
already playing guitar and writing for grossest national
product , drumming for Scrudge & was bassist, sometime
lyricist & half-time vocalist for the powerhouse trio Pinkie
the Stabber , so they figured three bands was enough, &
tried out the other two fellas first. Before long, as fate
would have it, Pinkie imploded, thus freeing Hendrix
to assail willing (and un-) audiences with his
logorrhæic lip-love, sans any stringed
encumbrance.
The world would have no idea what hit it.
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I sodomized my profile with Satans' Myhell Editor V6.6.6