I'd like to meet:

Mr.T, Gaiman, Gandhi, The Pope, Murphey, Satan, Maryann Rottcrotch, Budha,
%D%AZeus, Magnus, Prince, Shannyn Sossamon, Madam Butterfly,
%D%ATokyo Rose, and Elvis. Bruce Campbell, Osama Bin Laden,
%D%A Antichrist, Roger Waters, Andrew Dice Clay,
%D%AJesus Christ, Jefrey Dahmer
Jenna Haze, Babylon, Pratchett%D%A

%D%ASomeday i will meet and Fight William Shatner.. this is my dream
%D%A%D%A --- My Livejournal

Music:

E Nomine, Terrorfakt, SalvagedMessiah, Pig, Slayer, Hatebreed, Hanzel Und Gretyl, The Damned, The Bastards, SickOfItAll, Seraphim Shock, Das Ich, Samian, The Damned, Ich Dich, Hanzel Und Gretle, Exploited, KMFDM, Ratt, Poison, Laibach,
The Unadored, Chirstis, Crass, Chemlab, Celldweller,
MSI, FunkerVoght, Assemblage 23, Vampstar, Salom'es Wish,
Nothing Inside, Enomine, Suicde Commando, Abney Park,
And One, Ministry, Cevin Key, Sins Of Lust, New Order,
Colony 5, Frontline Assembly, Flock Of Seagulls, DAF,
Christian Death, Einsterzende Neubauten, Download,
Skinny Puppy, Lamb Of God, Pig, Pihface, Fleshless,
NeuroticFish, Samhain, Misfits, Agnostic Front, Black Flag,
Wolfsheim, Delerium, Beborn Beton, Prject Pitchfork,
Absurd Minds, Bruderschaft, Ecraft, CKY, Negative Format,
God Module, Diary Of Dreams, Ivory Frequency, Nitzer Ebb,
Front 242, De/vision, Melotron, Velvet Acid Christ, Alien Sex Fiend,
Angels and Agony, Clan Of Xymox, Razed In Black, Informatik,
Hocico, In Strict Confidence, Pride and Fall, Depeche Mode,
Siouxie and The Banshees, Spahn Ranch, Swans,
Switchblade Symphony, Faith & The Muse, Gary Neuman,
Gene Loves Jezebel, Bauhaus, Ghoultown, H.I.M. Haujobb, Ikon,
Icon Of Coil, Kraftwerk, Covenent, Die Krupts,
London after Midnight, Love Lies Crushing, Last Dance, Bella Morte, TSOL

Movies:

Vanilla Sky, City Of Lost Children, Necromatix,Exorcist III, Les Miserables, The Boondock Saints Fight Club,
Army Of Darkness, Boondock Saints, Scarface, Reservoir Dogs,
The Wall, That Video your mother and I made last
weekend while you were at camp, 9th Gate, Filth and Fury,
Cradle OF Fear, Dawn Of The Dead, Day Of The Dead,
Return of the living dead 2, Return of the living dead 3,
Parents, Lesser intentions of psychotic Mention,
American Psycho

Television:

Viva La Bam, Sopranos, Carnivale, Dead Wood, That 80's Show,
Simpsons, Beavis and Butthead, Family Guy, Pimp My Ride,
Hitler Channel, Why Be Something Your Not
(damn the fact its not on the air anymore)

Books:

Ayn Rand - Atlas Shrugged, Brett Easton Elis - American Psycho,
Aliester Crowley - Book Of Lies, Chuck Palahniuk - Fight Club,
H.P. Lovecraft - Horror At Redhook,
Friedrich Niezshe - The Antichrist,
Dan Brown - The Da Vinci Code

Heroes:

Jello Biafra, Micheal Moore, Henry Rollins, Ayn Rand, Erwin Rommel,
Sam Kinison, Graham Greene, Steven Wright, GG Allin, Jack The Ripper,
HH Holmes, Micheal Ramirez, Steven Hawkins, Jack Grisham,
Ron Emory, and Mike Roche
I know you
you were too short you had bad skin
you couldn't talk to them very well
words didn't seem to work
they lied when they came out of your mouth
you tried so hard to understand them
you wanted to be part of what was happening
you saw them having fun
and it seemed like such a mystery almost magic
made you think that there was something wrong with you
you'd look in the mirror trying to find it
you thought that you were ugly
and that everyone was looking at you
so you learned to be invisible
to look down
to avoid conversation
the hours- days- weekends- ah the weekend nights, alone
where were you in the basement? in the attic?
in your room? working some job?
just to have something to do just to have a place to put yourself
just to have a way to get away from them
a chance to get away from the ones that made you feel so strange and
ill-at-ease inside yourself
did you ever get invited to one of their parties
you sat and wondered if you would go or not
for hours you imagined the scenarios that might transpire
they would laugh at you- if you would know what to do
if you would have the right things on
if they would notice that you came from a different planet
did you get all brave in your thoughts
like you were going to be able to go in there and deal with it
and have a great time
did you think that you might be "the life of the party"
that all these people were gonna talk to you
and you would find out that you were wrong
that you had a lot of friends- and you weren't so strange after all?
did you end up going- did they mess with you- did they single you out
did you find out that you were invited
because they thought you were so weird
yeah, I think I know you
you spent a lot of time full of hate
a hate that was pure as sunshine
a hate that saw for miles
a hate that kept you up at night
a hate that filled your every waking moment
a hate that carried you for a long time
yes I think I know you
you couldn't figure out what they saw and the way they lived
home was not home- your room was home- a corner was home
the place they weren't- that was home
I know you- you're sensitive
and you hide it, because you fear getting stepped on one more time
it seems that when you show a part of yourself that is the least bit Vulnerable
someone takes advantage of you
one of them steps on you
they mistake kindness for weakness
but you know the difference
you've been the brunt of their weakness for years
and strength is something you know a bit about
because you had to be strong to keep yourself alive
you know yourself very well now
and you don't trust people
you know them too well you try to find that "special person"
someone you can be with
someone you can touch- someone you can talk to
someone you won't feel so strange around
and you found that they don't really exist
you feel closer to people on movie screens
yeah, I think I know you
you spend a lot of time daydreaming
and people have made comment to that effect
telling you that you're "self-involved" and "self-centered"
but they don't know, do they- about the long nightshifts alone
about the years of keeping yourself company
all the nights you wrapped your arms around yourself
so you could imagine someone holding you
the hours of indecision- self-doubt- the intense depression
the blinding hate- the rage that made you stagger
the devastation of rejection- well- maybe they do know
but if they do- they sure do a good job of hiding it
it astounds you how they can be so smooth
how they seem to pass through life as if life
itself was some divine gift
and it infuriates you to watch yourself with your apparent skill,
and finding every way possible to screw it up
for you, life is a long trip- terrifying and wonderful- birds sing to you at night
the rain and the sun- the changing seasons- are true friends
solitude is a hard won ally- faithful and patient- yeah, I think I know you

RIP
William O. "Bill" Gillespie
Sunday, Sept. 26, 2004
My Beloved Grandfather, You will never be forgotten

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