Jules - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I hate when people leave you with no alternative but to say something stupid. Like when you're introduced to a bunch of people with: 'Jules- this is everyone. Everyone- this is Jules...'. This tells you nothing. All you can say in the space that follows is 'hi everyone', giving one of those goofy little waves that people do when they stand up at self help groups. Or how about when you call up a Pizza joint and they answer with just 'hello'? You then have to say something along the lines of 'yeah...I'd like to order a pizza...' -as if the place also provided dry cleaning or something.Once I was eating a mango in a Brazilian hotel room with just my bare hands, scraping and gouging the flesh with my teeth. I got so much shit stuck between my teeth it looked like I'd chewed my way out of a haystack. There was no floss in the room so I took a thread from an item of clothing and tried to dislodge the fibres with it. The thread got stuck. I could barely close my mouth to explete. That's pretty much all you need to know.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

People who can admit that they hate things. You only love as much as you loathe, it's all about passion. You got to be passionate in one direction or the other. All you get from sitting on the fence is splinters in your shvinxter. Also, people who talk about themselves in the third person. I find that hysterical. I also have recently started playing the banjo. I haven't got the dungarees yet but I do find myself craving fried chicken and yams.

My Blog

When I die...

...I want them to cremate me, take my ashes to the best restaruant in town and sprinkle a pinch of me into every dish they serve 'til I run out.
Posted by on Thu, 24 Nov 2005 16:07:00 GMT

BubbleWing

I made bubble-wing the other day. Bubblewing happens in the shower when, elbow bent and hand on hip, the lather forms a sheet of bubble between your arm and your torso. Its kind of cool. When ...
Posted by on Mon, 31 Oct 2005 02:49:00 GMT

Bugbear .101

People who give me evil eye when crossing in front of my stationary car. What? Dude, I already stopped for you. Cross. No- don't glare, just cross. I'm in a car, you are on foot. Whereas your...
Posted by on Mon, 31 Oct 2005 02:14:00 GMT

Look Good for when the Bombs Come

"Botulism is a rare but serious paralytic illness caused by a nerve toxin that is produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum. There are three main kinds of botulism. Foodborne botulism is caused ...
Posted by on Fri, 12 Aug 2005 08:55:00 GMT

Badly Dressed Stones

Kay, I haven't written a blog in a while and truth is I really have no reason to write one now. Sure, stuff's happened since I last wrote but none of it has really been either funny or poignant. Bough...
Posted by on Fri, 05 Aug 2005 03:57:00 GMT

Get Behind Me Satan

I'm liable to get excited about things. Usually music or film. Today I'm still excited about the White Stripes album. My excitement started yesterday when, like an angst addled fanboy, I bought 'G...
Posted by on Tue, 07 Jun 2005 06:30:00 GMT

Quentin Thomas

I guess this won't make much sense to all six of my readers- being as you're from the other side of the atlantic and all- but over here, before every film you go and see at the cinema, a certificate c...
Posted by on Thu, 02 Jun 2005 02:44:00 GMT

Stoned Again

*sigh* Maybe if I sit here long enough and concentrate hard enough my dinner will just make itself and bring itself to me...
Posted by on Sun, 15 May 2005 08:26:00 GMT

The Man-Hug

I'm heterosexual but I'm not averse to touching men. Let me just make that clear. With a little bit of confidence in your own sexuality touching other males can even be fun. Nowhere is this more appar...
Posted by on Fri, 13 May 2005 04:19:00 GMT

Swamp Tour

So I went on a swamp tour today. My timing was all off. Every time the boat guy pointed something out i would turn my head a fraction too late only to see ripples in the water or movement in the grass...
Posted by on Thu, 05 May 2005 16:03:00 GMT