About Me
There is a void inside of me.It is deep, and it is all encompassing.It changes, sometimes it is like a witches cauldron with some kind of divining spell in place, it tells me things, it shows me pictures. It tries to predict the future. I know it cant. But it tries.Sometimes it is like some kind of logical mixing bowl, I throw in the constituent components of the puzzle, and then scratch my head whilst it mixes itself, and it shows me the answer.Sometimes, it is just a void. A black hole, sucking the life out of me.Sometimes, it seems, again like a witches cauldron, this time with a summoning spell, to summon forth daemons, those of hate, anger, revenge. At those times, the daemons possess me, and I am forced back, until I am but a fly on the wall, watching my own life with morbid curiosity, detached, empty. Those times are the worst.Although, sometimes, the daemons don’t possess me, sometimes they debate amongst themselves. It isn’t always daemons that come forth either. Sometimes the angel of love shows face, and enlightens me with her shining rays. But the angel has a mischievous pet, that of jealousy.There are other monsters, those created by a concentrated effort of the daemons, formed as hideous parodies of the people I have loved, and the few I have hated. These are the worst. They haunt me, and I find that as the daemons who gave these terrifying doppelgangers birth are called back to the cauldron, as the spell expires, the twisted progeny of those daemons is here to stay. They sometimes settle though, and it is at these times I feel at peace.There is one given birth by the angel of love who lives within me right now. She knows who she is. It is this one I strive to keep pure, this image I keep within me. But as hard as I try, the image becomes tainted. Not because the real life counterpart has done me wrong, but because the daemons inside have had their way with me. These taints I can but bear, although fortunately, due to the nature of my feelings for this person, the untrue taints are purged when I am around her.Sometimes, the cauldron becomes a sea that I drown in from time to time. It expands until it fills my whole head. It takes me away, and I begin to float within myself. These times are good and bad. They become like waking dreams, showing me stories of what might be, or what has been. I know these waking dreams are but images of my considerations for the future. But they come as premonitions, they take hold of my mind, and I am powerless to release myself, until they are finished. I start, and look around, and realise that it has lasted but a moment.This dark abyss, this black hole, it sucks the happiness from my mind at all times, with but one exception, when I am bathed in the angel's glorifying light. The darkness I experience is the beginning. It comes at night, it comes during the day, it can come at any time, as soon as I am alone. In this darkness, is where the daemons play, it is where my mind begins its metamorphosis from the almost sane person whom I become when I am with people, to the expanding confluence of running thoughts, and emotionally charged ideas. It is in this darkness I am jaded. It is when alone I am possessed.The only way I can release these daemons is through the written word. And still, this is release is but mere resistance, a true exorcism is impossible. They watch and cackle, and it is this daemonic possession that drives my hand across the page, until the feeling is expelled, and they go back to the depths from whence they came, ready to come back with the slightest provocation. And so I write, I write, and I write.There is not a single poem that has no contact with this process. So, if you want a glimpse inside my mind, give my poetry a look, and you shall have one. Also, please comment, if only to say you read them, I love to share them.
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----------- What do you see I say when you see what you see? ------------------------------------------------------------
-------- You see what you thought you saw, and as you close your eyes the image warps, ------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------- Changes itself in accordance with your mentality, ------------------------------------------------------------
--------- And as it warps, ------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------- You see something you saw before, in another time, another place, ------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------- A face, a friend you never met, ------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------- A body, a person you never undressed, ------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------- But wanted to, they stole your heart, ------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------- Also you see the things you hate, that you despise, ------------------------------------------------------------
---------- These things that live behind your eyes... ------------------------------------------------------------
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This is what goes on inside my head, so how about what goes on inside yours?