vRight now I am feeling as if I can't find my direction or the way to my soul. A big part of me is missing. The loss of these five family members will for sure take its toll. The reason why I had this space is to be able to watch and contact my little sister Tammy~. I miss her sweet smile, her cute little face, calling to ask me “Pam Pam can you do my hair?†She will spend her whole day waiting for a chance just to sit by my side. So sweet and affectionate loves to give hugs and to cuddle with you. I keep coming back to it and keep looking at her space thinking she is still here alive in this world, but she’s not. Yet I go to her space time after time in hopes she will be there. How long will it take...? I don't think I ever will accept it. This feeling I have is so hard to bear. It feels as though it’s about to burst through my chest. It’s restless yet tired. Angry yet, sad. And yes definitely crazy, this energy that boils deep in my soul. Why would they take someone so young and so sweet? It didn’t stop there my brother funny little brother Daniel... we had so much fun. Thank god for my memories I will always hold dear we went snowboarding and on lots of trips to Magic Mountain but my favorite by far is when I took you three boys to Las Vegas to see WCW Wrestling live! my brother with cancer has lost his fight. It tore up his life it ruined his smile for my sweet young brother it was too much to fight. Why did they let him suffer, let him whither away give him more poison to see if he’d subsist. Who makes these decisions who says they will suffer without a thought of the people who care. It’s so hard to see it you can see they feel helpless with no will to live. !! A very important person to me is/was my GRANDMA. My whole life she was always there for me, I can’t believe she is gone...the world will now be forever cold. It feels like I am a kid who lost her softest security blanket. She was such a caring sweet loving grandma. She would pick me up from school when I pretended to be sick, she took us for ice cream every Tuesday night and, she took us kids in to keep us out of the foster homes. And because of my bratty ways...She fed me a lot of soap (too often)! One more sad story of my family’s great loss. They were new to our family Suzanne and lil Zeke. My brother’s new family new love is so sweet. She had such an impact so much more than one could speak. With her big loving hugs her pretty red hair you know shell be playing her video games? She gave him the smile on his face. You could feel how much he loved them with a love so real and so true. Zeke is his son such a sweet little boy. When I looked in his eyes I saw her too. This sweet little guy was only 15 months. I can not imagine the pain he must feel. If I thought I could bear it I would take on his too. My loss is so great but my heart aches for him too. These 5 people it kills me to lose. Wherever they are whatever you believe I know they are lucky to be free of this place. It’s not good enough for sweet people such as you! I wish I never found out.... I now know why they call it a broken heart when you lose people you love!
ALL MY LOVE TO YOU!
