trying my best...... my hobbies are photography and trying to understand my imagination...........i often think my imagination is so strong that it becomes reality for everyone........i think people are convinced i don't have my own personality.....I do not, repeat, DO NOT have a dominate personality.....I watch what others do and try to copy and fit in as bestI can to win their approval.....i want to meet new friends but its so hard to find them.....hopefully setting up my space will help me in this area..... iam 30 years old and single..... it seems i cannot get nosatisfaction. (like the song says)..... I wish i could live inconstant satisfaction all the time..... the thing is, when ithink something is right and true somebody else comesalong and always puts me in my place, and makes me feellower and ashamed i even tried to stand up for what ithought was right..... some people may think I’m stuck onmyself but I tend to disagree..... if anything, i bring myselfdown to a lower degree..... people talk about betteringthemselves for their own good..... and we all have our personalsatisfactions..... what we call good another person might callbad..... you never really can find out for a certainty..... you'vegot to focus on pleasing yourself before you can pleaseanyone else..... some people may not like your personalsatisfaction ,but you have to be satisfied with yourselfbefore you can be satisfied with other people.....i have not found a girlfriend yet, though I’ve come to theconclusion that i would be just fine staying single forthe rest of my life..... and I’m not being sarcastic..... itreally doesn’t bother me being single..... i love my job butits hard to convince people of this..... it seems like youalways have to make an effort to make somebody believe inwhat you are saying..... It takes mental energy to convincesomeone who doubts you..... I think this has a lot to do withlove and relationships..... Guys try to persuade women tolike them and girls do the same..... Once a man and a womanwin each others approval then they got each other..... Nomore worrying about setting the bait because the catch isalready reeled in the boat..... What I have trouble with iskeeping the catch from leaping out of the boat, back intowhat they call the mainstream of life..... As if being with meis unrealistic or impractical..... When a woman is with mefor a certain amount of time they begin to see me as notin tuned with reality..... Not on the same frequency of thesophisticated up to date world..... From past experience withwomen I’ve been told that I don’t get out much..... Why is itthat women require you to know everything about anythingin this world..... Its like there’s some set standard people haveto comply with in order for them to be boyfriend andgirlfriend, or husband and wife.....its like there has to be a level of quality orexcellence that is accepted as the norm or by which actualattainments are judged.....Why do men have to prove to women and everyone else thatthey have a symbol..... Like we have to represent someonehigher than us..... I believe there is a higher power, whichis God..... And of course younger people have to submit tothe authority of their parents..... And employee’s have toyield to their employer..... But when it comes to love andrelationships all these things should be second.....Including how you should act in front of the public.....Believe it or not I’ve actually turned a woman away by howshe see’s the way I behave in public verses privatesituations..... Its almost like the general public choosesfor the woman instead of the individual man..... it’s a forcebeyond our control, the force of other peoples influenceson us..... power to sway: the power that somebody has toaffect other people's thinking or actions by means ofargument, example, or force of personality..... The every daypeople that a couple (who is in a relationship) comes incontact with, could effect the couples behavior toward oneanother if they allow it to happen..... A truly dedicatedloving relationship is when the couple loves one anotherfor themselves and nobody else’s opinion matters..... Why dowe have to prove to people that we are from a certainclass or group..... I think we all should look at each otheras individual human beings who have their own beliefs andpersonalities..... And if a woman doesn’t like something abouta man, then she should move on to another man whosatisfies her need..... But I don’t think she should leavethe man over what the general public persuaded her to do..........And I do believe the general public has that kind ofpower..... The power to influence to a point of changingrelationships and even, I dare say, personalities..... Toclarify my point, lets imagine a man and a woman who aresharing their lives together, they love each other..... Thewoman decides they need groceries, so she goes shopping.....The man observes the attitude the woman has when sheleaves to go to the store verses when the woman returns.....Its as though the woman is another person just by going tothe store..... I’ve seen this happen from experience, and Ithink its because we allow the general public to influenceour behavior..... But we don’t have to let the general publichave the satisfaction..... I believe the general public cansee it in our actions whether or not we are letting theminfluence us..... And these influences can break or mend arelationship..... I hope my spirit and soul feel the samesatisfaction and pleasures as my physical body does when Ipass-on..... I’m sorry for abusing my blessings..... I take myblessings for granted too much..... I could be crippled orhave no arms or legs..... I’m happy and very grateful thatI’m healthy..... I thank God for his blessings..... I can be soselfish sometimes..... I don’t want to be selfish..... I want tohave a giving and loving spirit..... I want to choose mywords carefully..... Sometimes I get all worked-up and myemotions get stirred..... This is usually when I tend to saymean hurtful things to the people I love..... And it makes mefeel bad after I say what my over-active imagination hasconjured-up..... I think Ijust need to not think so much, I would be a lot happier.....When I concentrate my attention on something or someonefor too long I begin to blame the person or thing andconnect it to my current problems..... Its like inmathematics how you need to find a solution to theproblem..... I look to other people and my close family tohelp me find the solution, when really the solution lieswithin myself..... When I feel good with-in myself then I’mhappier toward others..... I don’t want to make the impressionto people that I have damaged-goods with-in me..... But Iwant them to see I have repaired the damaged parts so theynow work again..... And I don’t want to hold any grudges orhave people think I’m holding on to any grudges regardingthe way I was raised or who I’ve become now..... I have ahard time trying not to think about people conspiringsomething against me..... If I think about this too long Ibegin to feel like I’m getting paranoid..........Anyway, i enjoy watching a good movie every now and thenfollowed by a long bath.
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