LETTERS To The EDITOR
Shannon Burke
Miles, have you been keeping up with the updates on Shannon? What a mess. Super popular radio personality goes postal and tries to shoot wife’s dog but winds up ricocheting the bullet and grazing his wife’s head. Piece in a couple of prior incidents and you’ve got a nice little slingshot for toppling Goliath. I say again: what a mess. I loved his show too. It was men’s radio at its finest. I’m not going to speak to the possibilities of alcohol abuse or anything like that because I wasn’t at the Burke household and I’m not one to throw stones. But I will say is this: it takes years to build a city and only hours to burn it down. It’s almost cruel really how we can work so hard for so long to build up a great career and a great relationship and a great life and then loose it all in one fleeting bout of stupidity. Sure does suck to have to be on your toes all of the time but sometimes it seems as though that’s what it takes. Even if you’ve been straight and narrow for 20 years, your one moment of weakness can tarnish everything and become your legacy. Who knew that it could all be so fragile? Answer: anyone who ever paid attention to the hundreds of thousands of others who have fallen before you. I wish him the best though and I hope he finds the strength to tackle what ever demons he’s facing. I don’t care how many times it happens, the fall of a man is never an easy thing for me to see. What a mess indeed. Have a good weekend, man.
Jeffery in Maitland. 9May2009
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When It Rains
Hey Miles, after a very long dry spell, it finally rained this morning. Halleluyah. I love when it rains. I guess it could mean a lot of things for a lot of different people but for me it means that I’m alive. Isn’t that odd? What a great feeling though. Where I live it usually starts off pretty tranquilly with a few drizzles here and there. I usually just try to keep still and let a hush come over me. Then things start flowing and before I know it I’m caught up in the rhythm of an approaching downpour. This is the only time that I take to truly slow down. I think about everything and nothing all at once. Finally the heavens open up and everything is saturated. I shiver in delight. I love it when it rains. It doesn’t happen quite as frequently as I would like it too but that’s alright. All things in time and a time for all things. It’s elusiveness just makes the rainy season even more enjoyable. I felt alive again this morning and I’m thrilled that this was possibly and quite probably the first indication that a new rainy season is coming. Don’t know how high you get but if you see the rain man anytime soon tell him that I said thanks.
The Rain Dancer. 9May2009
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Joni Mitchell Never Lies
Dear Miles, isn’t it funny and sad how things can hit us? Epiphanies and realizations are horrible time keepers in that you never known when they will come and all to often they arrive far to late. Why is it so many of life’s greatest lessons arrive on the eve of disaster? Why must I have something that’s been right in front of my face forever snatched away from me for me to even realize that it was there? And why is it only then that I realize how much I loved having it right there. On and on it seems to go... But you don’t know what you’ve got til’ it’s gone.
Barabara in Orlando. 3May2009
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Kid Smack
Dear Miles, I pulled up into my driveway this morning after working the graveyard shift and was having a nice little driveway moment with my favorite morning talk show. My neighbor's garage door goes up and out walks his 2 pre-teen boys. They both have their backpacks and as they stand and wait to get into their father's car I can instantly see who was the bully of the two. I've seen them both running around the neighborhood like headless chickens but this morning a fight was brewing. Suddenly the slightly bigger one smacked the little one and threw his backpack to the ground. I watched and laughed because it took me back to my childhood watching my brothers beat each other up. I guess the littler one got fed up because he charged back with a whimpering counter-assault and an all out fifth grade shoving match broke out. They were both yelling loudly. Then the bigger one looked over his shoulder and instantly took off running. I was a little confused at first until I saw their dad thundering out of the garage at full speed. The windows of my car are tinted but I slouched down a little anyway so that he wouldn't notice me. He didn't actually catch the boy running but he did get within striking distance and so he attempted a mighty swipe at the boy. It was hilarious. I've been living there for almost a year and I've never seen him move like that. I'm certainly no advocate of child abuse but I can appreciate a good butt-whooping... especially for little boys because they need it. He was dressed for work and everything but it was clear that if he had to get sweaty for the sake of smacking his boys around then he was ready and willing! You should've seen me slumped over in my car silently rooting him on. "Yeah!! Beat those bad kids!! Beat 'em!!"
Aubrey in Apopka. 25Apr2009
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100 Bowling
Dear Miles, I just saw a 100 year old woman bowling on ESPN and it just made me wonder how odd it is that some people seem to find the magic of long life while the rest of us can only watch and struggle. And I'm not talking just living a long time because modern medical science could probably keep me alive for 150 years as a vegetable. I'm talking about a long and active life. At the very least, I pray to God that I can keep all of my mental capacities up until the very end. How complex is the human body? Complex enough for us to still have no earthy idea how some people can go on so much longer then others. The 95 year old deacon at my church will tell you he attributes his longevity to clean living, prayer, and religious faithfulness but on the other hand my father has an uncle who credits his 102 years to a cigarette and a glass of Bourbon everyday. So not being any closer then some herbal company pushing life-extension pills for 75 bucks each I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the long lifers did stuff that made them happy. Or maybe it's all just in the genes. In spite of themselves, maybe some folks were just born not to die. We'll probably figure it all out one day because it's the nature of man to figure stuff out but I doubt if it will be in my lifetime.
Chauncey in Lake Mary. 20Apr2009
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In Case Of Fire
Dear Miles, my company recently released an internal memo citing some changes to our emergency evacuation procedures. I guess with all of the corporate espionage and cyber thievery going on they want to make sure that no valuable data is left exposed so we're supposed to make sure that we log off of our computers, lock up any open file cabinets, and shred any sensitive material. Who in their right minds would stop to gather up paperwork and go to the shredder if the fire alarm was screeching? And what if the fire was right in front of the paper shredder? I'll bet management would want us to step through the flames to make sure that their precious forged and fraudulent documents get destroyed! They're also wrong to ask me to move calmly towards an exit and wait patiently inline for my turn to exit the building. No way, suits. If someone is in my way while I'm sprinting to the door then they'd better have the hand skills of an offensive lineman because I'm knocking bodies down. And if the exit door is over-crowded then I'm resorting to the tried and true chair-thru-window technique. It's a little crude and outdated but it worked for my great granddad in the textile plant fire of 1902 and it'll work fine for me! Fires and emergency situations of the like are primal tests of survival and only the fit will survive, baby. If I'm stupid enough to wait around for my Windows PC to shutdown while the ambient room temperature is rising to 120 degrees then I deserve to die. My company has some nerve making a request like that when I've got 4 kids and a wife who are waiting for me to come home everyday. Maybe if they weren't so afraid of information being leaked about how shotty their financial bookkeeping was or about how they're paying sub-contractors the equivalent of a basket of fruit then they wouldn't have to worry so much! And they had better not schedule too many fire-drills because whenever I hear that fire alarm I start running and I don't stop until I'm in my car and on my way home.
Gregory in Sales. 12Apr2009
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Regional Pie
Dear Miles, I believe you're a fellow pastry lover so you may appreciate my dilemma. I love pies. Sweet potato, pecan, cheery; you name it. Right now I'm torn between supporting 2 pastry shops: Countrified Pastries and Citified Bakery, Inc. Countrified makes delicious down-home pies like grandmother used to make. They put a lot of love into their pies and the passion for baking is evident with every forkful but they're a very conservative bakery and they take their sweet time in getting your dessert prepared. Their motto: good things are worth the wait. Citified, on the other hand, is an around the clock, pie-producing machine. They take on a more aggressive and direct approach to business and make sure that their quotas are met and that customers get the pies that they want in a prompt manner. My heart is with Countrified but my head is with Citified. I love a conservative, caring pastry shop but I'm also a well-paying customer and I shouldn't have to wait forever and a day for service. Yes, good things are worth the wait but there is such a thing as too long of a wait and every minute that Countrified takes to slowly craft a delicious masterpiece is another minute that a loyal customer has to consider going over to the competition. Times are different now, my dessert loving friend. The consumer is no longer at the mercy of the baker. Countrified Pastries is starting to feel the sting of competition not because their product is inferior but because they simply refuse to change their way of doing business. I don't want them to become the new Citified Bakeries, Inc. I just want them to understand that I and a ton of other good customers just want a bakery who can meet us halfway. Show use a quality pumpkin pie with promptness and quality customer service and we'll make sure that profit margins go through the roof. Sounds like a sweet deal to me. Bon appetite.
Frederick in Baldwin Park. 10Apr2009
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35,000 Dollar Huts
Miles, have you ever heard someone say that if that had just a liiiittle more money that they would be happy? Did you look at them and think to yourself that they were only fooling themselves? Ready for my theory? I'll bet you that 9 times out of 10, as soon as they get the liiiiiittle bit of extra money that they need that they'll soon have need for just a liiiiiiittle bit more. Ever seen footage of remote, "under-developed" communities on National Geographic? Those people are living in huts crafted from dirt and straw, they kill everything that they eat themselves, they walk everywhere that they go, and yet many of them still seem to be very happy with their lives. Okay so let's say that going out and killing dinner and living in a straw hut sucked and so we gave everyone in the village 35,000 a year to upgrade their lives. Surely, happiness and contentment would be widespread throughout the community in a matter of years right? Probably not. And why? Because it's not the amount of money you make or the size of your hut that brings happiness. It's the outlook of the individual. Miles, I'll probably never be a millionaire, I'll probably never be able to buy my wife a yatch, I'll probably never be able to afford a private jet to fly me to the supermarket, and I'm okay with all of that. My wife and kids are healthy, my bills are being paid, and my life is peaceful. Money won't cure a miserable person and it will never satisfy a greedy person. It will never be enough. It's all up to the individual. How else can you explain a couple with a combined income of 30,000 who've been together for 40 years and are both just as content as can be? Would I like more money coming in? Of course, I would. Do I need more money coming in to be happy or feel complete? No. I could live out the rest of my days in happiness even if my situation never got any better then what it is right now. My level of contentment is something that I and I alone can decide. I have a straw hut and I can choose to either embrace my hut or spend the rest of my days wishing that I had a bigger one. There's nothing at spake but my happiness.
Geraldine in Orlando. 9Apr2009
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General Motors
Dear Miles, did you see the new CEO of GM on Meet The Press? I certainly didn't hear any new revelations about how things will be done differently but I guess it would be hard for someone that high up to speak of specifics... or perhaps the changes are still in the works. I certainly hope so. I'm hearing quite a few market purists who are upset because a business has to get permission to do business from Uncle Sam but I think that that's just what happens when you open your palm and accept all of that delicious money. Even with the bailout, most of which probably got allocated to overdue union costs, bankruptcy is still on the table and is looking more and more like a viable option everyday. The sad realization of a GM slim down (cutting brands like Hummer, Saturn, and who knows what else) and re-tooling just shows that things got too big. I know there are hundreds upon thousands of retired and working autoworkers and shareholders who depend on GM but its looking like that giant will not be able to stand anymore. I heard that GM stock was a healthy 40 dollars a share last year and is now 2 dollars. Building a better car or truck doesn't just start at the draft table, it's probably going to mean slicing out some of the massive overhead. There's too much competition from the outside now, so unless we're talking about shutting down trade or levying a huge tax on imports, then the old guard will definitely need to do something other then what it's been doing. Right?
George in Pine Hills. 5Apr2009
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Bears And Wolves
Dear Miles, ready for a bedtime story? There once was a fine kitten with fine fur and paws, whose finest possession was a little red ball. Her ball she would bounce 40 times in a day, hoping and praying for someone to play. Tired of hoping she scheduled her play dates, but found only wolves to serve as her play mates. Her little red ball they'd snag, tear, and bind it. Pummeled to pieces what she thought her finest. And lo every night there'd be tears in her whiskers, cause wolves with a red ball are mean, awful critters. By morning her tears were blown dry by the wind and she'd cleaned her red ball to play with them again. One day when the wolves were done tearing and trouncing she feared that her red ball would see no more bouncing. So she toiled all night with her red glue and plastic, and hated wolf play mates for their play was tragic. "Never o never" she cried the next day, "will I offer my red ball for others to play!" So she bounced her red ball 10 times in a week, until one day a bear passed on his way to eat. This bear, named Sir Teddy, was swift on his paws and fancied the kitten and her finest red ball. So he asked could he play in a manner polite but the kitten cried out "Sir, a wolf you look like!" The bear said "no ma'am I assure you I'm not. My paws, fur, and honey are all that I've got." For the bear was born gentle and loved bouncy things, and promised to bounce softly as flowers in spring. But she snubbed his kindness, said "all wolves are liars!" and, whiskers turned skyward, clutched her red ball tighter. And o that fine kitten with such fine fur and paws, was trapped by her fear of one breaking her ball. And her fear kept her from finding some one to play for even great play mates she'd send on their way.
Sarah. 1Apr2009
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Friday Afternoon
Hi Miles, I'm writing this letter to you live from the sunny shores of Clearwater Beach. When I saw Clearwater Beach I mean my job and when I say sunny shores I mean my dreary desk. My florescent desk lamp blew out about a month ago and the maintenance folks haven't brought a new one so I've pretty much been doing all of my work by flashlight. It's Friday afternoon and while other richer, smarter, and happier folks are out doing all the great things in life other then working, I'm here working. But it's Friday afternoon and everyone knows that no one works on Friday afternoon so actually I'm just here sitting. I'm trapped, Miles. The year is still young and I've already impulsively burned most of my vacation time. I slipped out early everyday this week so now I'm forced to be here and fulfill the 40 hour obligation that I foolishly signed up for when I took the job. I could and probably should be filling out paperwork but who the heck wants to sort through file cabinets overloaded with paperwork dating back to the Nixon administration when they could be out making plans for a beautiful weekend? Not me. But I needed something to do so I decided to write you a letter. Isn't that sweet? After this, I'll probably shoot off a couple of hate emails to some annoying reality television stars and then go looking around for those little, wrapped butterscotch candies that people tend to leave on their desks. They're real popular around here and quite delicious. This stuff should kill about 2 hours and I guess I could try to power through that last critical third hour. But if I can find today's paper laying around here somewhere then I could give that third hour to the crosswords. What's a 5 letter word for having lots of crap to do but not caring to do any of it? Hope you were more productive then I was today. Cheers.
Caroline in Orlando. 20Mar2009
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The Picture of Singularity
Dear Miles, can you please tell me why my married friends think that my life is miserable just because I'm single? Yesterday I was telling a friend about some of my hobbies and she couldn't do anything but give me the sympathy face. As if to say that I only read or paint or jog to supplement not having a man in my life. I'm always quick to remind her that at one point centuries ago she had a life without her husband and was very happy. But she never seems to remember those days and instead subscribes to the theory that only now her life has meaning because she's found a hubby. What a mess! Of course I would also like to find my Mr. Right, get married, and have a horde of babies but that desire doesn't drive my life. I'd also like to win the lotto and move to Paris but you don't see me spazing out about that. I don't let my numbers not being called sink me into a depression. Some things in life I can control like my performance on my job or painting a picture while I listen to my favorite Mary J. Blige song and then there are some things in life that I cannot control. So I try not to worry about the things that are (for the most part) out of my hands. I alone am responsible for my happiness. After her sympathy face she always finds a way to ask a ridiculous question. "So how're things between you and Ethan?" When she knows very well that Ethan was a leech and a mama's boy who I had stopped calling months ago. So I guess what she's thinking is that it's better for me to be with someone who rummages through my purse and still lets his mother fold his underwear rather then be by myself. "Well... at least you were with someone." Honestly Miles, I think that other people have their own issues with being alone and they subconsciously project those onto others like me. But I guess there's not a whole lot that I can do about that, can I? Maybe I'll paint her a sad picture so that she can think that she's right about me and be happy. Have a good weekend.
Ms. Vertina from Peaohef Bay. 13Mar2009
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Mexican Housing Crunch
Dear Miles. Actually, the subject line in my email is not true. I was driving home today and heard a report on NPR about how these tough economic times are affecting housing markets everywhere except for Mexico. The reporter said that this is because Mexico went through a similar housing market down tour some time ago. This led them to adopt some tighter regulations concerning mortgage lending. While most Mexicans would probably be considered poor by American standards, upwards of 90 percent of them own their own houses. We certainly couldn't site a statistic like that here. Analysts say that their market is flourishing because they prohibit questionable sub-prime and fixed rate mortgages. The very same things that put us in this gigantic mess. In addition to this, the banks and lenders are much more eager to help borrowers who default on payments because really no one wins when folks can't pay their mortgages. We got greedy, Miles. Everyone did. We can't just blame greedy lenders for letting sub-prime mortgages slip through. We have to also blame all of the people who bought a $300000 home when they knew that they could only afford a $150000 one. I don't care what people say, everyone is not supposed to be in a $500000 home. A lot of people did things they weren't supposed to do so maybe all of this is just the system purging and balancing itself back out. Hopefully then the dust settles we'll be able to regather ourselves, take a few lessons from our southern neighbors, and put some rules in place to make sure that this kind of thing never happens to our kids or grandkids.
Abondale in Deltona. 5Mar2009
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She's Just Not That Interested
Wassup Miles, I read your article on "the fall of the brotherhood" and I found everything in it to be 2 hundred percent true. Young men are getting soft. They're crying, whining, and throwing tantrums more then the law should allow. And when I see a guy with his period on, nothing pains me more then to see that it was caused by a woman. Young cats just aren't coping like they're supposed to. That's why they're off doing stupid stuff like hiding in her bushes at night and calling her 5 times a day to check up on her. So in order to help these youngbloods pick up on the signs that they're missing I've come up some sure fire ways to see that she's just not that interested. 1) If she says things like "that's why we can never be together" then she's already gone. No need to stick around. 2) A woman will let you know if she's interested. If she's shy then she'll do little things to let you know. If she's not shy then she'll do big things to let you know. If she's not then you wont hear from her. It's that simple. Even old school chicks will find ways to let you know that they're interested. It doesn't matter how busy she is, how much schoolwork is due, how many errands she has to run, how many reports she has to sign off on; if she's feeling you then she will make time to call or take your calls. It's that simple. 3) If she's talking about other guys she's interested in in front of you then she's probably not that interested in you. 4) If she's returning your call days after you left a message or if she calls on Thursday when she said she would call on Sunday then you're probably not that high on her list of priorities. Adjust accordingly, pick up, and move on, youngbloods. Life is full of surprises and there are plenty of other rejections to come, I promise. Man up and move on. Is a great woman worth fighting for? Of course! But if she's really that great for you and if you two were destined to be together then why is it so hard for her to see it that way too? Get it? Spread the word.
Bruce in Gotham City. 28Feb2009
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Fall of the Brotherhood
Miles, is it just me or is the brotherhood getting soft? Has women's liberation and the rise of the independent woman stripped us of our manhood? Was our manhood so fragile that it was capable of being lost so easily? I talk to some of my young nephews and the post-adolescents in my neighborhood and it seems as though young men are softer then ever nowanaddays! Over-sensitivity and the inability to cope seem to be running rampant. You can't even poke fun at a young fella without him putting on a poutty face and scurrying back to his mommy's warm bosom. Seems like while they have enough guts to spread seed there's not enough to get a career and work hard for the things that matter. They all want a man's title but not the responsibility of ownership. What is the deal? Soft, soft, soft! I'm in my early fifties so I'll be the first to admit that it's probably my generations fault. For some reason or another we've turned our back on reaching back to help mold and sculpt these young fellas. And now we're paying for it because we're afraid that those very same boys will rob us or shoot us. But it's not too late, man. Boys just need an example in their lives. A positive example. I'm going to try to reach back and see who I can help. I may get my hand slapped away a few times but that's okay. Something's got to give. This generation of young men are having kids and if they were never properly instructed in the fine art of manhood then how will they be able to train their boys?
Earl in Orlando. 17Feb2009
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My Funny Valentine
Dear Miles, last year I made the horrible mistake of inviting other people into my love life. I accidently told a group of older female co-workers that I had a crush on one of my lady friends and that I was considering asking her out on Valentine's Day. I was just wishfully thinking out loud but they swooped down on me, grabbed me with their claws, and made me their little pet project. My situation had evolved beyond my simple crush and had become an excuse for them to live out a romance novel vicariously through me! They hounded me everyday for 2 weeks leading up to the faithful day and pretty much peer pressured me into making a move against my better judgement. They pumped up my ego and filled my head with ridiculous ideas of me riding in on a great white stallion, professing my burning passion for this girl, and then riding off into the sunset with her. On Valentine's Day night, they were all on speaker-phone encouraging me as I went to the florist and purchased 25 red roses and an "I Love You" balloon so big that the only way that I could transport it was to drive with it hanging outside of my window. I had tried to call my friend a few times to let her know that I was coming by but I'd received no answer. When I arrived at her apartment I gathered the items and boldly marched up the steps to declare my intentions. I knocked intently on the door and after a while it opened. She stood in the doorway with her bathrobe on and a perplexed look on her face. I was smiling from ear to ear and just as my chest was about to explode in victory I heard a deep and very masculine voice coming from inside asking if everything was alright. It was then and only then that it dawned on me that the reason that she wasn't answering her phone was because she was probably making sweet love to her boyfriend. I probably should've spent less time listening to those old women on my job and spent more time actually researching to see if I was doing something smart. The moral of last year's little Valentine's Day debacle and the theme for this year's endeavor is simple: keep your personal business to yourself and be careful about who you take love advice from.
Josh B. in Orlando. 9Feb2009
Good evening, Miles. I just read your Valentine's Day article and I can proudly disagree with you. Not all women use Valentine's Day as a day to "cash in". My boyfriend always treats when we go out and is always a gentlemen about that kind of stuff. This Valentine's Day I'm flipping the script and treating him to a lovely night out. I've booked a table at a nice restaurant and afterwards I've got a nice surprise in store for him when we get back home. I'd give you more details but a lady never tells ;) So you see, it's not all about taking for all of us. I see it as just one of the days that I can show my appreciation for him and I'd honestly be perfectly fine if all he did was give me a kiss on that day.
Renee in MetroWest. 9Feb2009
Dear Miles, we all know that Valentine's Day is just another reason for companies to cash in. The occasion probably was created with the best of intentions but it's since been reduced to just an all out attempt by candy-makers, flower salesmen, and jewelers to guilt poor schlubs into buying as much expensive crap as possible. Right? Of course it is. Why on earth else would a flower shop run a commercial telling me that the only true way to show my wife that I love her is to buy her one of their rose bouquets but then turn around and charge me 50 bucks for this magical, must-have bouquet?? Just last week that bouquet was selling for 12.99! It's all just an elaborate ploy to fleece John Q. Public for as much of his hard earned dollar as possible. They've brilliantly created demand! But do you want to know the sickest irony of all? My wife has a Bachelor's in both psychology and consumer sociology. She's one of the smartest people I know. She speaks eloquently on how our money-hungry, capitalistic society has brain-washed it's people into thinking that material possessions and the purchase of gifts define both ourselves and our relationships. She knows it's all a con. We talk about it all the time..... And yet if I don't show up with a big bouquet of flowers, a shiny box of candy, and a nicely wrapped gift on Valentine's Day she will probably stab me in my kidneys. Welcome to crazy world.
Kyle from the flower shop. 8Feb2009
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I Hate U, Miles 12
Dearest Miles, sometimes I think you're a jerk just for the sheer pleasure of being a jerk. It seems like all you love to do is give me a hard time about everything. You warmonger. All you want to do is argue me to death. Why can't you just let somethings go my way? I mean is that just too much to ask for? You act like it truly hurts your soul to let me have my way. I've never met a guy who was so damn difficult. Sometimes I adore you for not caving in to my every want and desire like most guys I know but other times it makes me want to climb on a rooftop and scream. You don't have to ALWAYS be right. Other people actually do come up with good ideas from time to time. You better not ever be wrong about anything ever in your life again because if you are and I'm around I will never let you hear the end of it. You hear me? Don't slip up, sweety. Don't err, don't fault, don't stumble. Because when you do I'll be there with a smile and a finger in your face saying "maybe you should've tried it someone else's way." Sometimes you really, really make me sick.
Shantell in Orlando. 7Feb2009
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Square One
Dear Miles, isn't it funny how we can sometimes ask God for all of the things that we want and never realize that what we need could already be right in front of us? With all of the access and information that we receive I think it's possible that we can see too much. Everything that we see isn't for us but it sure is easy to think that it should be. Sometimes I think that things were a lot simpler back in the day. You looked for the fundamentals and in time everything else just feel into place. Doesn't it seem like we were happier with less? I'd hate to have to go out searching for something and blow a whole lot of time only to come back and see that what I really should've been looking for was right back where I started. And what would be even worse would be to get back and for it to be gone. Why would God waste his time giving me something that I want when he's already put what I need right in front of me? Before I venture off again, I think I'm going to take a good look at what's in front of me. I'm going to open my eyes and get back to the basics. I'd feel like an absolute fool if I set out on a treasure hunt only to find out that I had gold back at home.
Aneri in Pine Hills. 6Feb2009
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