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My BlogMonday, August 6, 2007 Playing Dead Ryan Saves the World I Live! Fresh Grapes Quick Entry A Little Love for Lefty My Abusive Relationship with Myself Crackhead Happy Love Day! Goal! Everybody Blogs! Appreciating the Unhappiest Day of the Year Dreams and Body Hair You Sure You Haven't Just Made Thousands of Mistakes?Updates
April 28, 2007: Spring cleaning...About Me
It's not winter anymore, so my about-me section was, yet again, horribly out of date. It's actually 90 degrees outside today, and there are all sorts of warnings of deadly winds and hail the size of your head --luckily, not the size of my head; that'd be truly disastrous. It's even so bad that it lead an up-north school district to cancel classes today in anticipation of the storms. Now I don't want to get into the habit of going off on when-I-was-a-kid tangents, I'm still in my early twenties for another two months, but I seem to recall tunneling through thirty-foot drifts of snow and chartering transportation by dog-sled to get to class when I was growing up. If we let kids off this easy, if our children aren't regularly taking quarter-sized hail-balls to the head, what's going to happen? I'll tell you what: We're going to have a wave of super-intelligent "up-north" children; and aside from the agricultural advances, no good can come from that. No cow will go un-tipped! No water-tower will go un-graffiti'd! Main Streets will be cruised with the utmost efficiency! Every pickup will have a lift kit, a glass-pack and a rear-window mural of a crying eagle over an American flag backdrop. I know how it goes; I've seen Children of the Corn.So you may be asking yourself, what about you, Ryan? What principles do you believe in? Well, I'll give you two. I believe in standing up against over-entitled consumers: your $5.50 entitles you to a Big Mac, a reasonable amount of french fries, and far more soda than any healthy person needs to survive. It does not entitle you to berate underpaid employees. Your $110 entitles you to one month of shitty cable service and one month of fairly decent high-speed data service. it does not give you a free shot at the unfortunate Time Warner employee who answers your call when you have trouble getting your WWE event to start (Hint: It's probably your fault.) You are not as important as you think you are. I truly believe that if everybody told themselves this, once daily, the world would be a better place. You're only as important as every single other person.The other stand I'd like to take today: cellphone usage. Namely, my cellphone usage. Is people talking ..phones while driving such an important problem that you'll devalue you vehicle with a hang-up-and-drive bumper sticker? You know what causes cellphone-related car crashes? Morons. You know what would cause these people to drive into things if cellphones were removed from the equation? Something else. Don't blame the things morons are doing while they crash into you; blame the morons. Banning cellphone usage while driving won't get the accident-prone morons off the street and you can't ban the morons because, as I mentioned earlier, and whether you like it or not, they're just as important as you or me.So that's that. I have other things I'd like to talk about; but I've already stretched my lunch out beyond the bounds of good employee-like behavior. Perhaps tomorrow I'll write about how I've started jogging at night to avoid people seeing me jog; and how a plane crashing just offshore of my neighborhood can bring all sorts of morbid gawkers out to throw a wrench in my anti-social jogging scheme. Stay tuned.

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