Disaster of Kate-aclysmic Proportions

About Me

Hello. I've not slept. I never really sleep. I'm a slave to my cats and often question the elasticity of the intestinal lining used in the making of sausage or other similar "tube meats". I'm a whirling dervish of unfortunate household mishap/slapstick. I often break stuff. My roommate knows... it's often her's. I'm not a mean drunk... though my alcohol intake has NOTHING to do with my wrecking ball lifestyle. I'm naturally calamitous and envied by freestyle walkers everywhere. I crochet, but not well. Patterns befuddle me. I'm a good cook and find that other's generally find joy in eating the food I make... unless, of course, they're feeding it to unseen dogs under unseen tables (I broke our table, fell right through it) which is why I don't trust dogs. They're all liars. I was (and maybe still am) madly, deeply and truly in love with Gael Garcia Bernal and would seriously consider having little Mexican love babies with him but he never calls me back. Oh, and apparently, I'm a mule.
LOOK!! MY BITCH HAS A FAT ASS!!! .. width="425" height="350">.. ..>
AND... MY BITCH IS LAZY!!!!! .. width="425" height="350">.. ..>
(Ashley-the-Amazing-Amazon in our cluttered kitchen as she displays one of my phenominal quiches... you know you want some...)
(Ashley-the-Amazing-Amazon's cat. He's a little gay)
Me n' the boys at the wedding reception that almost wasn't... but then was again.
My father is secretly St. Francis.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

I don't think I'd like to meet anyone new. It's exasperating and I'll probably accidentily break everything they own anyway. I'm becoming more and more reclusive as the years go by so if I could NOT meet a few new reclusive people like myself and just know in my heart that they're good people and exist somewhere... out there... I'd be content.

My Blog

Affinity for Folding Ham

So, things here are never as bad as they seem... at least not when there's dust storms in Tehran causing women in burkas to up the ante by also sporting sterile face masks. I've decided today to make ...
Posted by on Mon, 06 Jul 2009 09:11:00 GMT

Latarian Milton Hoodrat Remix

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rmo0VdPpkDA
Posted by on Sat, 04 Apr 2009 22:38:00 GMT

Wanted: New Friends

I deeply and profoundly love the friends I've made (including those who are currently m.i.a. - even if they don't plan on being found). I'm one of the fortunate who have managed to maintain ties with...
Posted by on Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:46:00 GMT

Unemployed: Annoyed

Week 2. Not yet nuts. So, I just filed for my very first unemployment check thereafter being laid off from a job of 7 years. As a new member to non-working society, I can safel...
Posted by on Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:58:00 GMT

Blatant Lack of Responsibility: On Hold Haiku Time!

*snack chip addiction usual brand depleted gagging on pork rinds*
Posted by on Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:56:00 GMT

FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL:

Me. I lost my friggin phone! I need phone numbers like homeless people need Cisco. Please, for the love of cookies, e-me some digits!
Posted by on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 10:01:00 GMT

There comes a time in ones life where one has to say.....

"What the hell is this titanium spork doing in my dirty laundry?" Today, after 27 years of stealthfully avoiding tooth decay, I suffered an unfortunate bump in the road to an untarnished dental recor...
Posted by on Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:17:00 GMT

Luck of the UnIrish

Ah...if only work wasn't quite so.... worky! I'm currently sitting at my desk, suckling upon the juiciest of oranges (which has since soaked some of the otherwise tear stained financial hardship lett...
Posted by on Tue, 18 Mar 2008 11:19:00 GMT

KNEE PADS ARE FOR HOOKERS AND FLY GIRLS...

Wish me luck.... I just purchased a unicycle. As of today, all of my bones are thoroughly in tact. I'll report back shortly...
Posted by on Sun, 04 Nov 2007 20:09:00 GMT

Note To Self

Was everyone else aware that Alaska ranked 1 in porn viewing which scientists attribute to their (the Alaskans, not the scientists) average rate of rape... which they are also rank 1 in? (Go team!) I ...
Posted by on Mon, 23 Jul 2007 21:21:00 GMT