About Me
Well, I'm a dork. Or weren't you paying attention. I was raised a vegan yogi. I mean VEGAN. We didn't eat anything but veggies and even those weren't cooked all the way. So, when I was 11, I started drinking and eating KFC and Burger King and Ragu pasta meals (remember those?). I also really enjoyed the Entenman's (spelled.....how?) chocolate crumb glazed donuts. Yum Yum. I was born in Huntington Beach, CA and we moved to Encinitas when I was 6. I grew up with the old skater doods like Lance Mountain, Tony Alva, Dave Duncan, & yep, you guessed it, Tony Hawk. I was really good friends with Gator. But, I don't know him anymore. He's in prison, you know. I miss him how he was. I don't know how he is now. My big brother Josh rips skating. He's like the best or something. But other people think he's really good too, so I'm not alone in my theory that he should be making money skateboarding. You should send him some money right now. No, really...it's okay. I have 3 half sisters, 2 brothers, 1 full sister, and 4 step sisters. I have like 16 nieces & nephews. Consequently, I do not have to have kids. Just because I have a uterus, doesn't mean I have to use it. It'll get rotten and fall out one day and that's just fine with me. That was gross, huh. Sorry. Maybe. Maybe I want to gross you out. But, I probably don't because I'm kind of a nice girl. Maybe I'm not really and I'm fooling you with my nice words. Something to ponder....I love to play! There's a game called run fall down that I play with Tatiana. This is how it goes. Okay. You go to the beach. You know how the water's cold and you are afraid of the gushy sand and rocks and pits and ocean monsters? Well, here's how run fall down helps you stay cool on those hot summer days. You run as fast as you can into the water until you fall down. Now, I know what you're thinking. "The monsters will still get me." Not so. They will be surprised at the quickness of your little agile footsies and scurry away. And you will be cool and maybe not have a top on anymore. And sometimes, if you're lucky, your bottoms kind of slip to the side so that half of your deal is showing. Fun for everyone. Unless you have ugly boobies and a creepy deal. I do not. So there. There's this other game that is also fun to play. You would think it's played at the beach, but you would be incorrect. It's called Baywatch, which is what would lead you to thinking it's played at the beach. Again, it's not. Stop thinking that. Anyway, to play Baywatch, you must have big pants on. You unbotton and/or unzip the big pants, and make sure you have underwear on, unless you are into showing off your deal. Again, unbotton the big pants and unzip them about halfway. Dickies are especially great for this game. Run in slow motion. As you run, make sure it's in slow motion, your pants will slide sexily down your ass and show your clean underwears off. You will resemble the girls on Baywatch. No, it's true. People often mistake me for a lifeguard girl with huge fake boobs when I play this game. Don't ask me why, it's just the way it is. I write kids stories. I used to write them for my baby sister, but she's almost 21 now. She used to think I was really cool, but I think we're too old for that now. So, I am not cool and don't exude cool and can't be cool because I'm too old. And I can't think of anything cool to say in my stories anyway. When you're my age, and a dork, well.....it's like I said before, I'm a dork. I love crossword puzzles and reading and painting things. Little ceramic things. Not just random things that I come across during the day. I don't paint the walls in my apartment...I don't think they would appreciate that. They who? You know, those they people. I recently discovered that I really like to take my old jeans (or the new ones that I've either never worn or haven't worn in a long time) and I cut them and bleach them and change them into jeans I like. It's a good time. I have such a good job and the guys I work with are really fun. I am the only girl...that's great for me. Boys are sometimes nicer to work with than girls. And they aren't quite as anal about piles of paper I keep on my desk. I like the disorder of order. I am a word freak. I correct everything but my own writing. I almost couldn't eat at this restaurant in Seattle because of all the typos and misspellings. I hope I spelled that correctly. That would be funny if I didn't. Hee Hee. My Dad got married in June 2005. He lives in Port Townsend WA. Visit. It's absolutely lovely. Enough about my Daddy. My turn. I am SOBER! My sobriety date is 8-27-87. It's a little weird to me that I haven't put anything mind altering in my body for that many years. But, some of the guys I've been with have and who knows...maybe it transfered. Gross! Hey, maybe I am just a yucky girl. But I don't think so. I love my friends and family. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but it better be good. Or happy. Or give me lots of money. I don't like sprouts. I don't like sprouts. Or didn't you get that? I really don't like sprouts. There, that should do it. My mom used to make me eat a handful of home grown alfalfa sprouts after I drank all of my carrot, apple, celery juice, but before I was allowed to eat my salad of all organic produce (no, there wasn't iceberg lettuce) with no dressing. After that, I was allowed to eat my potato and some crunchy steamed veggies. Which I still like. Except squash. I'm not a big squash fan. I really, really like swiss chard. Nummy!!! I am pretty silly. Ask anybody. Well, anybody who knows me. I think I look better in pictures (mostly) than I do in person. I type really fucking fast. I'll tell you what! Anyway, I will perhaps think of some other stuff to say about myself at another time. Oh look! I've found more to say. Who's surprised? Probably not anyone. By the by, am I smarter with my glasses on? Why, yes. I am. And now, serious Heather (no, my real name is not Fart Face). Once upon a time, I was a little girl and I had dreams and hopes and even wishes. And I had light in my eyes and hope in my heart and I was happy. And I get closer and closer to that little girl every day and farther and farther away from the cynical, sad woman I was very close to becoming. And, my final thought for the evening is, Life is Good. Love you.
