I take two showers a day one so I am clean and the second so I have a thick layer of chocolate coating. When nobody is looking I scream out obscenities as loud as I can, then I remember that even though they are not looking they still may be able to hear me. I enjoy talking into fans. Every time I lie I get caught because I immediately begin laughing. I hate driving but I love going places. I love buying shit but I hate spending money including other peoples. Peanuts are too much work. They stopped manufacturing candy corn in 1919, which leaves me to wonder how some always ends up in my house every Halloween. Nobody I ask knows the meaning of the letters "IDK". I wear boxer briefs because they are flattering. No matter how thirsty I am, I always leave a tiny bit of beverage in its container so that I do not have to throw it away. I love movies. I have a million things better to do than this but if I sat down and wrote the list I would then have one less than a million and for the sake of having an even number I’m going to sit on my ass. I rhythmically clear my throat. I love hoodies. I need a heavy blanket to sleep at night. I do not chew on my ice cubes; I throw them at people. I am in no way a leader, I love to blend in; that is until I start cursing. I do not need to explain myself.
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