Genius. Visionary. Humanitarian. Good-Looking. These
are just a few of the adjectives that come to mind when
one thinks of the man Time Magazine once called "The 9th
Most Important Person To Ever Live." Nick Rossi
is like a breathtaking valley awash in warm
sunlight. Most know him as being responsible for some
of the most important talkies ever committed to film;
classics like Railroad Love and Die Commie
Die. However, it is his stone-faced perserverance
and unyielding dedication to acquiring unfathomable
amounts of money and bitches that truly sets him apart
from the other so-called greats of the 20th century.
Wilt Chamberlain once said, "Rats! I wish I had sex as
often as Nick Rossi." Bill Gates was found vomiting
after seeing one of Nick's bank statements. From the
man himself: "Truth be told, I'm pretty valiant. Mother
Theresa can go fuck herself." Even Mother Theresa
commented, "I'm tempted to go fuck myself." Nick is
said to have modeled his entire life after the film
Night Shift starring Henry Winkler and Michael
Keaton. "I'm an admirer of the cutthroat yet
compassionate business ethics employed by both
Mr. Keaton and Mr. Winkler in the film, and the delightfully
sensitive manner in which the prostitutes were
treated." After long days, Nick likes to treat himself
to a warm jasmine scented bath and a good
book. His favorite authors are William Faulkner and
Charles Barkley.
