Death Fusionist

We are a band unlike any other, we are fueled by a source to reckoned with. The Army Of Darkness. We discovered our talent when we were at Denny’s. Dillon had the Grand Slam Meal and Jesse Had one cube of tofu. I (Jesse) looked behind Dillon and Satan was sitting there behind him. I said, "Hey Satan". He Turned around and threw his soggy, chewing sausage at Dillon’s head. He yelled, "Fuck you I'm eating".
Dillon jumped from his chair and the week old grand slam went every- fucking-where. Satan Too, leaped from his seat and a battle royale broke out between Dobbas and the anti-Christ.
I was too busy eating my meal and was too lazy because I had just talen my daily dose of Aderal. I watched as they fought but Dillon was just too weak being a mortal man. So after he was done getting his ass beat 9 ways from Sunday we went home to rest.
The next day Dillon was super pissed and decided to give this his all. I was bored and smelt an adventure, and I think adventures Kick super ass, so I came along. We started by searching Satan’s myspace page and cross searching it with his weaknesses. We discovered that his one true weakness is a dragon by the name of Balthizare, A.K.A. "The Dragon Of Darkness".
We Found where the dragon was locked away. I don’t really remember the name because it was super long and I don’t care anymore. We entered and I drew my sword I sliced threw his shackles with my long and shinny blade. Balthizare jumped and hollered for joy as he was now free and could fight Satan because he too had a super grudge against him. Dillon jumped on his back and as I was about to Balthizare stopped me. He said, ”Hey man I already have one dude on my back, but two? I don’t want to look like a bitch”. I asked ”well what the hell do I ride, do you know what we went through to get here?! We are in Fucking Antarctica!”. He then handed me a magic Vespa and I was happy. So we left and went straight to hell…well it wasn’t that easy, we had to die.
We chose our methods of death and so I kicked Dillon in the nuts until he was dead then I did it my version (this is long and how I really want to die).I got super fat and hijacked a plane, then I got uber high on a shit load of drugs and free fell from the plane while having a massive orgy with super hot babes and did as many flips as I could while doing so, I then took out as many buildings and people as possible with my fatness.
When we arrived in hell the dark army surrounded us. I already had my doubts until Balthizare showed up. The dark leader put his sword to my throat and was going to banish me until Balthizare lit his ass on fire. The leader then ran back over from the entrance and said, “if you could please not do that anymore because it hurts and I am already dead so I would just come back anyway, that would be great.” He then told us that they did not want to fight us. We asked why this is so.
He told us about how hell is just an even worse version of earth (no shit) and that Satan is the president in a way. And that he a distant relative to president Bush. The demon explained, “ You see, apparently the acorn doesn’t fall too far from the tree, or should I say the nut. This place sucks, it’s not supposed to be half bad for us demons but Satan is our new leader, there are many Satans, like your presidents , and this one is doing all this weird shit and talking about his cattle when there is a lava drought in Old Arcadies. This guy is fuckin’ dumb and uh, we’re not too fond. So we ask you, please let us join you in battle“.
We obviously said sure. But the demon said, “ you are not quite ready, you are still the sole of a mortal and must become immortal by joining you soles with ours.” So after we joined we set off. Dillon on Balthizare, me on my Vespa. We came to Satan and the most evil of battles emerged. The earth shook and all hell broke loose. The fight was on and a lot of cool shit happened.
A dead monkey on Satans shoulder threw poop at Dillon and he got covered. Balthizare struck Satan down and the battle was over and then Satan came back through the entrance. But since he had been beaten he was no longer the leader. Now the leader was Al Satan. And this guy always talked about hell-bound freezing. We went back home and got super duper smashed and started listening to that song from “o brother where art thou” that those chicks sing called “down to the river”. We started to sing along and realized we kicked ass and that those demons must still be within us. That or we were just really drunk.
we are Jese "Maverick" Forbes and Nasty Dirty Dobbas
and now we are known as…