Nicky

I was the first person in Merthyr to own one of those guys in the toilet that gives you aftershave and towels for money.Needless to say, I always have the last laugh.Everyone thought I was doing the robot dance in Kooler last week, it wasn't the case. I wanted to dance freely however my mother used too much starch when washing my clothes.Noel Edmunds once said to me "Get the fuck out of my bin before I call the police".I was once arrested for identity theft, but I told the police I just wanted to be called Graham for the day.Bacon and egg is nice, but bacon and finding money on the floor is better.How come they sell toilet roll in the spar yet you're not allowed to crap in there?I've been on the Telly, but my mother played fuck because she was trying to watch Emmerdale.Inside the monkey costume on the cadbury's phil collins advert is another monkey who is claiming dole and couldn't be seen to be doing work.If my father is Irish and my mother Jamaican, why the hell am I dutch?My phobia is Ostriches, or any large bird for that matter.I like nice smells and don't like bad smells unless they're nice smells.It's been widely penned, that the major driving force behind the Bob Wilding empire came from my humble beginnings as his muse.I'm known around Merthyr as being the boy who wore a black ribbon on a yellow shirt behind the bar in the log cabin the day of the Diana Funeral.I'm currently working on a new album with rapper 50 cent. But I've never met him and by working on a new album I mean watching old episodes of lovejoy on UKTV gold.One of my ambitions in life, is to be the first black poet laureate.My two favourite things in the kitchen, hell the house even, is foil and kitchen roll.I won a game of pass the parcel the other day and it wasn't even my birthday. However it was just myself playing on my own in my room. On a similar note, I came second at musical chairs the same evening.I once won a 10 minute trolley dash in farm foods. It come to £6.32.Unlike the trend followers, I like to think I liked bread before it became sliced.I once bought 9 chewing gums for 9 pence.That's all I can think of about me for now. If I remember owt else, I'll duly update.