I'm a passive-aggressive, socially domineering, sarcastic, exhausting, know-it-all, WASP seeking a distant, yet occasionally affectionate ‘straight’ male who will feign interest while we reenact my failed relationship with my emotionally unavailable, drunk father. Don’t plan on anything lasting as I have the attention span of a hummingbird on crystal meth. I enjoy: video games, gambling, shirking responsibility, mocking those less fortunate in order to boost my own lack of self-esteem, taking pills, complaining, making promises I never intend to live up to, fostering in others the idea that I am ‘special’, blaming circumstances for my shortcomings, and admiring myself in the mirror while fretting over every new gray hair as if it’s some third-world genocide. I do NOT enjoy: sharing, talking, stability, long-term anything, or the word ‘potential’. I don’t wanna even meet your boring friends, but I’ll expect you to go out of your way to accommodate mine. Should any problems in the relationship surface, I’ll either ignore them or leave. Physically, the only two things I ask are that a) you look like the guy from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?†and b) you put out immediately, but will then ignore me if we ever meet again.