Brendan

Biology of BrendanIssue 1: The Amazon FileWelcome to my fun world in the Peruvian Amazon and highlands. This is a collection of my journal entries while I was on the trip, including pictures and videos from various days of the trip. Just a warning that I am not afraid to say what I want to say about people, or about myself, so don’t read any further if you’re faint of heart. Enjoy!February 18, 2007 Woke up this morning in what I like to call “Jungle Ghetts”, which is actually the city of Puerto Maldonado. We stayed in this hotel with “tity” somewhere in the name, and I actually enjoyed it. There’s a shocker for ya! After breakfast we got on our little bus to go to the boat taking us to Explorer’s inn. We caught the boat around these shanty houses, and boy did I ever have to shit badly! Gino (who is really sexy) asked around for a toilet. Jenny also had to go. We went into this house with a young girl, and all we saw was a hole in the concrete floor, two raised parts resembling footpads, and no toilet paper! After Jenny went, I went to the boat, telling Dan I’d grim and bear it, but Anna was kind enough to lend me toilet paper. I ran back and pulled m shorts and underwear completely off. There was no way I wouldn’t shit all over myself if I just pulled them down. After that fun experience, I went back to the boat, relieved that no one was grossed out with my now well known diarrhea! The boat trip was fantastic (despite more diarrhea cramps, even after drinking Ashley’s pepto). I got a couple good nature shots of the river, not to mention some good ones of Gino J. Aterwards, we arrived at Explorer’s inn, and I was amazed right away. The ever so bold macaw “Wowie” was sitting on a railing to greet us (and later to attack us!). The rest of the day consisted of lunch, followed by a hike through the “Ant Trail”. We some some cute monkeys with black fur and brown butts on the way in. It seems a large portion of people are focused only on birds for this course, while others are pissed off that we aren’t focusing on all organisms (inverts, mammals, plants, etc.). Personally, I’m not so obsessive over the birds. What has a bird ever done for me? Now plants, on the other hand, they’ve done many things for me (you know what I’m talking about ;). Won’t be smoking any of that for 2 weeks though! I’m so excited now that I don’t care. My lungs, on the other hand, are deciding to say “fuck you Brendan”, and proceed up my trachea! This should actually be really good for me. Anyway, many more things happened (dinner, lecture, Eucher), but it is getting late, and I have to get up at 5AM for an early jungle trek.Me tree hugging in Puerto MaldonadoOur hotelJenny coming out of the house we crapped inGinoMe and Professor Dan MennillWowieWowie attacking me (Video)February 19, 2007 Today kinda blew for a while at the beginning, with torrential rain till about 1:30PM. We had to look through bird, mammal, and other field guides, and I was really just made to feel stupid most of the time for not knowing much about animals! The day got better as the rain cleared up. I’m becoming quite the Eucher player with a bit of practice. Our trek through the Tapir Trail was pretty uneventful, until we got to this crazy caterpillar. I thought I was hallucinating when I first saw half of a snake, still moving! Turns out it was a caterpillar mimicking a poisonous snake! Before that trek, I managed to get some bullshit done on my bullshit research proposal for that bullshit professor Cogley. I should be able to fake my way thorugh our meeting on the Monday March 5th J. Being the only homo here (to my knowledge) is definitely rough, especially since most of the guys in the group are hot. I feel somewhat ignored at times, but maybe I’m just mental. There’s one really tall girl who seems like the biggest lesbian. . .maybe I should get to know her and not feel as alone. Tomorrow is another early mornin’, and we’re hiking 5km to Cocacocha to see the giant river otters. Let’s hope it’s not just more bird sounds with little sightings like today! I can’t believe I haven’t smoked up or masturbated in 3 days! This place is doing something weird to me!BeetleViper mimicking caterpillarFebruary 20, 2007 Another fun filled day has passed of hiking, card playing, and learning about copper wires in uteruses. We started off again at 6AM to go see the giant river otters. I saw no such thing, but apparently others did on our canoe trip through an oxbow lake. I did however, get to see an anteater about 3 meters away. He was so cute! I also got a lesson on contraceptives; apparently you can get your uterus copper-ified, so an egg can’t plant itself! Crazy! It’s cheap too, like $70. Mind you, I’m glad it’s something I won’t have to worry about. I had lots of personal interaction with my new classmates, and got to learn of Windsor’s sexual scandals, including Jay’s multiple girlfriends in Costa Rica (joke by Ashley), Ashley’s stealing back of her ex, while destroying his then current girlfriend (true), and Courtneys 30 boysfirends (another joke by Ashley). I don’t think I can handle another second with that pretentious, arrogant, British, closet fag David! Every conversation had with him seems like he just wants to tell other people that they are wrong. Why does the only other fag have to be a jackass loser? I’ll still keep an open mind, and open bedroom door, in case I’m desperate (kidding!). I finally got to see Gino again tonight J. He was quite sick with flu all day the past 2 days, and said “I took something called ibuprofin, and I think it worked” . . .so cute. I hope we get to spend more time with him. I think I shall return to my classmates for now for some more late night chit-chat.AnteaterJay and KyleCrazy SpiderCocacochaFebruary 21, 2007 Today was fuckin awesome! It started off rainy, but got better around 1:30PM. We set up mist nets to capture birds, and the first one was a gorgeous green hummingbird. We caught another really cute and tiny one. Amongst the bird catching, we saw an 8 or 9 member group of red howler monkeys hanging upside down and eating leaves. All this happened on camp, not on the trails! Luckly, none of the howlers threw their feces at us. I got to hold my first bird today, a pretty ugly one, but my first nonetheless. I also noticed another group come in with another fag (I think) too. Finally I may not be the only one (I was just making fun of David yesterday. . .he may very well be straight). I got an excellent display from a blue macaw today, although it kinda disturbed me that I was the only one around, and a bird was doing a sexual display for me. Is that the only male that will go for me? Don’t think I’ll be getting that desperate Mr. Macaw. Dan mentioned that I should go to Gino’s cabin tomorrow to help me ID a species of spider. I hope that’s code for something else J. Ended the night with more Eucher, and I finally won with Ashley. To end the night, Tom, Marie and I looked at the stars, in the (for once) clear sky, and it was unbelievable! Saw a crazy shooting star. I didn’t wish for anything; this trip couldn’t be any better! Maybe I should have wished for all my other homework to go away! I thought of Kaitlyn when Marie said something about a movie so bad that it’s funny. Apparently we’ll have to rent “Beartooth” when I’m back home. Setting up mistnets with Professor Stephanie Doucet Me getting the lesson on bird holding Success! Red Howler Monkeys Measuring birds Very Tiny Hummingbird Ahh, so many birds! Blue Macaw displayFebruary 22, 2007 Finally a sunny day! It was absolutely beautiful, but I was incredibly hot going up the Main Trail. I didn’t get to have my little rendevous with Gino unfortunately, and hot tourist boy was gone L. I’m not here for boys though, I’m here for science; I just figure if I can’t get boys back home, maybe I would have better luck in the southern hemisphere. Guess that’s not how it works. I decided to use fungus as my topic, rather than spiders, so I spent most of the morning photographing shrooms. . .YAY! I caught a cute lil’ turtle in a puddle too, and he pissed and scratched, but was really pretty, so I forgave him. Later, we hung some fake moths on trees for an experiment on colouration patterns to see if birds will eat the less camouflaged ones. I think birds are smart enough to distinguish moths from paper and plasticine, but maybe they’ll prove me wrong tomorrow. I’ll laugh if we get published in a real journal for doing this. On the way back to camp, Tom found a giant rhinocerous bettle, and I got to pick it up. I hate to think of all the parasites in my hands from bird, beetle, and turtle holding! Thankfully, there is running water again. . hurray! I got to hose down my hot, sweaty, muddy, soaking we body in water cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. I’m having too many late nights and getting up at 5:30AM, so that’ll be all for tonight! Western Twist-Necked Turtle Rhinocerous Beetle Fungus Courtney, Ashley, myself, and MarieFebruary 23, 2007 With only 3 days left in the jungle, I’m realizing just how lucky I am to be here. . .and how screwed I am for homework when I get back home! Today was another beautiful sunny day with boring fungus data collection this morning, and a walk alone with our TA David. I thought he may be cooler if we were alone together, but he’s still the same jackass as before. He basically told me how I haven’t done enough work for my project, and that he’d be looking forward to reading it. He’s right that I need more data, but why does he have to be the one reading it? I should coat the assignment in anthrax or something! The butterflies were really active today. I got to see some really pretty colours, and also a bug that looks just like a leaf. At 6 tonight, we had a presentation on caiman by Gino (who smiled at me and patted my back J). Maybe I could become a resident naturalist like him one day, and get to come back here. He took us on a caiman spotlighting boat trip at 7, which was absolutely fabulous. We saw at least 3 caiman, one of them on land. They were all babies, and Gino made the cutest squeaks to try and attract them. I better be well rested for tomorrow. I have to present on epiphytes. Until next time, goodnight. Lilius’ Urania Moth Leaf-mimicking Katydid Moths and Butterfly Caiman (Photo by Jenny Lazebnik) Spotlighting for CaimanFebruary 24, 2007 Today was not the most exciting day of the trip, but I did get a lot of work done. I got really frustrated in the rain and was yelling at my field notebook to stop getting wet. Luckily, Erica and Lindsay helped me take notes while I measured fungus logs. I later went down the Ant Trail with Ashley and helped her look for butterflies. She had a little episode of falling in the mud on the way back, and cried and said how much she hates this place. Tried my best to calm her down, but with no success. It’s hard to please a princess. . .especially one with mud in parts of her body that mud should never be! (I wish I videotaped her reaction!). I spent the rest of the day practiving my presentation, and working on biotech homework. I thought my presentation was not that great, but I got so man compliments after, I couldn’t believe it! We had a talk with Gino about the clay licks afterwards, and some fat scary man kept asking badgering questions. I was close to saying “Shut up fat man. Society doesn’t value your opinion!”. . .A little harsh, ut I just wanted to hear Gino’s hot accent J. Tomorrow will be the earliest morning yet, just before 5AM, so we can get to the clay lick on time to see the macaws and parrots. I sure hope it doesn’t rain, cuz then we can’t go! Jungle Man Crazy GrasshopperFebruary 25, 2007 This morning was quite an early one, but well worth it. We caught the boat to the clay lick at 5:30AM, and the parrots started arriving around 6AM to feed on the clay. We must have seen over 100 birds at one time, including parrots, macaws, and parakeets. We even saw a titty (tity) monkey J. After the clay lick, we started on a super-long treak to the High Forest Loop. Ashley took another spill ( that I didn’t get to witness, to my disappointment), and Peter Slater and I joked about how pleasant she is after a fall. That man is so much fun! The high forest loop was really tough, and involved a lot of strattling big logs, and bending over. . .all things you’d think I’d be used to J. . but a difficult trail regardless. After seeing nothing for the entire 11km walk, we caught sight of 2 tayras at the end. Took a nice cold shower and a nap for the afternoon, then watched the sunset before seminars. I’m amazed that I’ve lived through an 11km walk in weather over 30°C and 99% humidity. I’ve impressed myself, and enjoyed myself. I’m really gonna miss this place. Clay lick Very happy after seeing the clay lick Tayra SunsetFebruary 26, 2007 Well it is now my last night at Explorer’s inn. I’ll be sad to leave the jungle, but I think what’s to come will be just as good. I certainly won’t miss showring in brown water, getting bamboo spikes stuck in my skull, and smelling like crap all the time. . .but still, I’ll have to come back here some day. This morning I finished taking measurements for my fungus project, and got caught in at least 20 spiderwebs on the way back. Didn’t see too much today, aside from birds, lizards, and butterflies. . .well, I guess that is a lot actually! Tomorrow should be fantastic, but we were told to be on our guard in Cuzco for pickpockets. Apparently the have elaborate schemes, with old ladies falling on the ground, and someone stealing your money while you help her. A bunch of crackers like us will be easy targets, so I’ll have to be on the lookout. I’m excited to see the town, and hope to get gifts for the upcoming birthdays of my roomies. I want to get an alpaca sweater for myself too J. Mostly, I’m looking forward to Machu Picchu, and also the hotel stay. I wish Gino was coming with us too L. Gino and I Moth Hot and sweaty in my roomFebruary 28, 2007 Amongst the excitement yesterday, I forgot to write my journal, along with forgetting my anti-malarial pill! I took it this morning, so I should be safe from parasites. I can’t believe the fucked up dream I had last night! This new environment must be affecting my head. I don’t normally dream up whacky molestation stories involving my teachers! I’m sitting next to Erica, and the bell is dinging for our train to leave. It’s 6AM, and in 3 hours I’ll be in Aguas Calientes, to see one of the wonders of the world. Machu Picchu. We will zig-zag back and forth 7 times, and get super high up before we get there. This should be an exciting ride! Our hotel in CuzcoMarch 1, 2007 Just boarded the train back to Cuzco. I had a really special day at Machu Picchu yesterday. Aside from having to pay to use a seatless toilet, and grotesquely overpriced food, I had a wonderful time. I did not wear my sunscreen, and I’m definitely feeling the burn now! Hopefully it turns into a nice tan. I couldn’t believe how beautiful Machu Picchu was. Most of the class was not hardcore and left after our tour of the ruins, but Tom, Marie and I stayed another few hours to explore some more. It’s a very spiritual place for me, and I’ll have to go back some day. I attempted to shop in the Aguas Calientes market today, but I’m too picky. I don’t want an alpaca sweater, I want an alpaca tank-top! I don’t think they exist. Hopefully I’ll find some good shit in Cuzco. Tonight we should be partying, possibly salsa dancing, and going to a “gay friendly disco”. They don’t have real gay bars in Cuzco L. Very religious place. Tomorrow we’ll be back on the plane to Lima, and getting back to Canada Saturday. I hope all the snow melts for me. Vanessa, me and Jessica I had to pay to use this! Machu Picchu Marie and I Cuzco at night on a camera not meant to take dark pics!March 2, 2007 I’ve just boarded the plane from Cuzco to Lima. I’ll have to wait 9 hours at the Lima airport before getting back to Canada L. Yesterday’s train ride was totally fun, with an alpaca fashion show right on the train. They then were selling the clothes, but they were over $100 US! I only notices trashy cougars making purchases. Today we shopped around the market in Cuzco, and toured a beautiful cathedral (Basilica Cathedral). Unfortunately, they don’t allow pictures inside. Last night I went with a few course members to a club in Cuzco. The music made me feel like I was back in high school. . .so did the cigarettes! They need to adopt the no indoor smoking laws here! This whole trip has been increadible, and despite the extreme heat, deadly diseases, and toilets you can’t throw toilet paper into, I will really miss everything. I’m certainly homesick, but the amount of schoolwork waiting for me is not gonna be fun. Oh well. . .only 2 more months till school is done for me and I can travel to more fun places, and learn more. Alpaca Fashion Show on our Train Basilica CathedralAnd that was my trip! Hopefully I’ll visit other crazy places and produce another issue of “Biology of Brendan”Just a guy in Peterborough, doing my final year of University at Trent this year. For the summer I'm working at a call center, and I hope to get a good job and move to BC after I'm done school.
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