About Me
Rules for going out to the Bar1. Our names are NOT "Hey" or "Yo", nor do we respond to whistles or banging your bottle or glass on the bar! If you ever do get your drink you can be sure we will serve everyone else at the bar before we decide to serve you.2. Mouth closed, money out! Just because we look at you, doesn't mean we're ready for you! Just because we haven't looked at you doesn't mean that we don't know you are there. WE KNOW YOU ARE THERE!3. If we are making drinks, do NOT say, "When you get a chance." When we get a chance, you will know!4. Never....ever...."EVER".... touch the bartender!5. DO NOT tell us you bartend too! We'll know if you do or don't by the way you conduct yourself!6. There is NO SUCH DRINK called 'Ketel One and Vodka'!!!7. If you order a "Diet Rum and Coke" instead of "rum and Diet Coke", we will look at you like the drunk asshole idiot that you are!8. DO NOT start the order off with, "GIVE ME A STRONG DRINK!" You are guaranteed to have the WEAKEST DRINK EVER!!9. DO NOT say "I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU" if you don't know what that means! $1.00 tip is NOT taking care of us! I REPEAT!!!! LEAVING ONE DOLLAR ($1.00) IS "NOT" TAKING CARE OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!***(FOR THE CHICK BARTENDERS)10. We don't care who you are or who you know - the guy before you hit on us too... and the guy before him and the guy before him... We're bartenders, --WE'RE NOT GOING HOME WITH YOU!!!!!11. Waving your money at us just annoys us - We know you're there and we'll get to you when we get to you!!!12. NO TIPPIE, NO DRINKIE! (Go back and read rule #9 again)13. Do not COMPLAIN ABOUT PRICES!! Jesus.......if you want to act like a big shot and order an expensive drink.....don't ruin it by compaining about the price. Order something cheaper next time.14. Yes, there IS alcohol in it! If you can't taste it, you've drank too much and I should cut you off! IF you want me to put another shot in it, you will pay for it.15. NO SLEEPING ON THE BAR! if we wanted to see you sleep we would go home w/ you. (Read rule ten again)16. Don't ask me to name EVERY beer in stock. You know what the hell you drink so just order it and stop wasting my time. I'll tell you if I don't have it.17. If you are ordering food, don't ask me to read the menu to you. I am not your personal assistant. If you can't order your own food than don't leave the house.18. If you do tip us well and we buy you a drink, DO NOT anounce to the WHOLE bar that the Bartender "hooked you up"…You will never get another free drink again!!!!19. Please do not tell us your personal "stories" b/c we don't care and quite frankly....we just don't have the time. Just give us your order and tip us in dollars...not with paper roses or old valentines day candy.20. Don't come to my bar and act like a big dog just because you are wearing a suit. Chances are I make more than you do and have more fun doing it so take a step back, relax and get over yourself.21. If by some chance you've mustered up the courage to pass your phone number over the bar without my asking, flattered as I may be....I still may not call you so don't get all pissy and give me dirty looks on future visits to my bar.22. DO NOT assume that we are allowed to give a few drinks away because not all bars are the same. And certainly DO NOT ask me for a free drink because you tipped me well. As much as I appreciate your generosity........I can assure you that your tip will not be enough to pay my bills for the month.23. DO NOT ask me the price of every drink before you order. The only question you're allowed is "Do you have any specials?" Order what you want to drink. It's early, if you find that choice was to expensive for your taste, you have plenty of time to adjust your next drink choice accordingly. Note: Beer costs less than hard liquor. Domestics cost less than imports. Anything you've learned to drink from rap videos or hollywood movies is usually priced out the ass so either bring a lot of cash to the bar or stop trying to be a high roller. OH, and IF U DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO TIP ALONG WITH PURCHASING THAT HIGHLY PRICED DRINK......U DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOR THE DRINK. PERIOD YO!!!! You know who you are.24. When ordering a mixed drink, the liquor comes before the mixer. Don't order a cranberry with vodka! It is vodka and cranberry.25. When you finally get our attention do not turn around and then ask your group of friends what they want. We will walk away and make you wait until you are actually ready to order and that would be nice. We may make you wait longer!26. Just be respectful and I'm sure you will see a difference in your bartender's response time. I know it's hard for some of you to understand what that means. If you still don't know, go back and read this whole thing over and over until you grasp a firm understanding of the concept. Thank you!!!! Now go have a good time.27. Do NOT string-order your drinks. Tell me what you want... your FULL order, if I forget, I will ask YOU. If I come to you with your 2 little drinks and you say, " and can I get..." NO, you cant. I am busy, there are other people waiting, and you should've told me the first time I asked you what you wanted. Now you'll have to wait.28. Do NOT ask me for a free drink on your birthday. Do you go to the grocery store and ask for a free loaf of bread too? Do you go to the gas station and ask for free gas? If I want to buy you a drink, I will if I feel like it. NOT just because its your birthday...29. When you say, "I tip at the end of the night." or " I'll take care of you later." we already know you're going to be a cheap-ass and not tip at all. Nice try.30. (Refering to #1) Even if you DO know my name, yelling it across the bar will not get me to serve you any quicker. As a matter of fact, it will probably annoy the piss out of me and will once again result in you waiting longer.31. If you want the other bartender to serve you, dont ask me to get them for you. If you're standing in front of me, that is most likely my station and no, I wont go get them for you. Walk your happy ass down to the other end of the bar and get them yourself. I might throw in that you're probably not as special as you think and now you'll probably wait longer, because I could have served you.32. (Refering #4) Do NOT lean as far as you can over the bar, in case I didnt see you. I see you. Really, I do.33. If you use a credit/debit card, do NOT make me continuously run your card through for just one round. Open a tab. When you close it, be sure you are not going to want anything else. I am not going to run your credit card all night long each time you just want "one more round." Also, cash tips are always better! Thanks.34. If you spill your drink because you're drunk, then NO, Im not giving you another one. You dont need another one if you cant hold on to the one I just made you. Also, if you tell me, "someone threw my drink away." well too bad! You shouldnt have left it unattended anyways!35. If you want to buy a drink for "that girl over there" then I hope you know what she's drinking. I dont. And no, I wont go find out, or leave the bar to serve it to her.36. Last call is LAST CALL! FINISH YOUR DRINK AND GET THE FUCK OUT! No, you cant stay after everyone else has left. You're not the only friend I have, nor are you the first person to ask. Just leave before you get yelled at, or I do!37. If I am nice enough to call a taxi for you, you better be outside when it gets there. Enough said.Lastly, this is not directed towards anyone in particular, just the few ignorant fucks out there that must have grown up in a barn... most of you reading this are my friends and this doesnt apply
