Coma toe

Before the age of two there is no recollection of having a conscience. The first memory was watching mother's, adoptive stepfather's and grandfather's breathing rhythms.As a child, one grew to abhor violence while a sizable portion of the neighborhood advocated things such as pro-wrestling, guns, and callousness.Struggling with the world's seemingly cruel and distorted values, lead one to the use of drugs, vandalism and general contempt for the authority/male/father-figures of society, which began in the mid-teens.School, church, and home became a source of great misery and were all but non-existent. One gave up the notions of a God, for the gods of alcohol and hard-work. Repeated attempts by family and friends to tidy up living standards were also ignored.At the age of eighteen, one was the subject of a powerful psychic experience. Coupled with the current abuse of stimulants, and the feeling of being expelled from the grace of Divinity, one was placed in psychiatric evaluation.The next eight years were mostly spent in a hell not unlike Dante's Inferno where things seemed to get worse and worse. One believed in God again, because hell was presented and started the disintegration of ego. Out of respect and gratitude there were glimpses of hope that kept one from "exiting this human-body." One knew the true definition of beauty.In 2007, an unanticipated voyage was initiated, and from this new found courage was the release of untold amounts of guilt, hatred and fear. One gave up most material possessions and renounced sex. The innate fear of dying was completely obliterated.This journey was also where one experienced 'Satori.'Satori and light became the only possible experience, no matter how fleeting or infrequent this event took place.The Tao was (or not) understood in it's entirety.