About Me
(nôm) , in folklore, tiny subterranean creature associated with mines and quarries. Usually represented as misshapen, frequently as hunchbacked, gnomes are said to be guardians of hidden treasures.IM a gnome. I used to live IN THE MOUNTAINS BITCHES! It was great. Snow is the greatest. It's like frozen water. So, about 3 years ago, some traveler found me and took me to his home. I was then sold in a yard sale. And now im forced to work in someones yard! BULL SHIT
Well, today I was looking around for berries, and I found some magical mushrooms. I took them and oh buddy....lemme tell ya....I saw things. My owner, Grandpa John kicked me because he found out I took drugs. I flew across the yard and hit a tree. What a damn retard. He brought some of his friends over, Kevin Brobeck, George McSweeny and Conor King. They were being mean to me so I threw dirt at them and they got confused. woot!
Man, how rude am I? I completely forgot to intruduce myself. My name is Ludwig. There you go. Life has been pretty peachy. My owner, Grandpa John has been nice. Maybe because his Mary has come back to him. He also has Betty on the side line. See he loves Mary, but Betty is just so good in the bed I guess. Betty has a gay son and he brought home a black boy once. Grandpa John shot that nigga. Yup, and he was running from the cops because they found out, so he stumbled into a yard sale where he found me. He grabbed me and ran....ran....and ran. He changed his name, his size, his face, his life, his dreams and so on. He wasn't GRANDPA JOHN when he found me. He didnt look the same either. I just dont understand. My cousin David says im retarded. IDIOT!
Ha haaaaaaaaa!!! Life has been swell. I met a girl gnome who happaned to live down the street from me. Im hoping she likes it rough. Around midnight tonight, im hoping to go to her back yard and get it on...gnome style. HA HAAAA!!! My owner is into coke at the moment. He tried to sell me the other day to a crack head for money. Fuck that shit. I bit him.
Ok so I will tell you the "girl gnome's" name. Her name is Hillary. She has curley hair and is very pretty. Me and her had alot of well, lets just say fun nights. I think she is pregnant. And when gnomes are pregnant, they have twins. I, Ludwig, will take FULL responibility for this great miracle that is happaning inside her tummy. Ha haaa.
