Andrew profile picture

Andrew

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

About Me

Why doesn't this randomly happen in the middle of movies anymore?I am the bastard child of a crack-addicted, transexual prostitute and a very confused hermaphrodite. The fetus that became me was actually carried to term by my father. Here's a little known fact about hermaphrodites: they lay eggs and sit on them until they hatch. Soon after my birth, I was traded to a street person for a quarter pounder with cheese. Days later, my current parents found me in a dumpster while discarding their latest failed attempt at raising a dog. Sometime during my teen years, I was involved in a nuclear accident that resulted in my homosexuality. I'm a writer. I used to think I wanted to be a journalist, but I thought it involved a lot more crime solving like it does on TV, so I've let that idea go. Mostly I want to write fiction, write and produce screenplays and TV shows, and ultimately, one day, write the X-men. Currently, I write for/help run two websites, www.2snaps.tv and www.horroryearbook.com , and my serving blog Your Waiter Hates You . I also want to act, but I feel ridiculous saying it out loud most of the time, especially because I was a waiter and therefore a walking cliche. I have a bachelor's from Temple in Communications, whatever the hell that means. I used to write for a newspaper, but now I just write for you (please re-read that sentence with mock enthusiasm.) I just finished a real estate course and I am preparing to take the licensing exam (by preparing I mean putting it off until I forget everything I've learned and why I took the course in the first place). I can be very focused and passionate about subjects I care about, sometimes to the point of insanity. I am currently all over the map (as you may have noticed). I am a loyal friend. If I disagree with you, I'll tell you in private, but always have your back in public. I want to travel and see the world. I've also always wanted to be a grifter, in the exciting movie way. I want to make a difference, but I'm not sure in what way. I think I'm one of the few people in the world who actually has bad credit at the library. I talk too much when I'm drunk (and too loudly). I love my family and I love my friends and I wouldn't trade them for anything. They know who I am and love me anyway. P.S. - I am a drunk text-er.
You Are 66% Evil
You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot. How Evil Are You?Your results:
You are Spider-Man
Spider-Man 95%
Hulk 85%
Catwoman 70%
Green Lantern 70%
Iron Man 55%
The Flash 55%
Robin 35%
Superman 30%
Wonder Woman 30%
Supergirl 20%
Batman 20% You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz
I'm really happy to be Spider-Man, but I could do without being 70% Catwoman...

My Interests

Getting old couples drunk and watching them argue because they have years worth of shit to argue about, and from my end it's pretty entertaining to watch, winning Survivor because I am that big of a nerd, travel, becoming a gazilionaire, trash talking, complaining, writing, acting,singing, drinking with my friends, running, swimming, religion and politics, and hopefully one day saying I'm retiring from serving/bartending and actually meaning it. I'm really competitive, so I love doing anything that brings that out. I seem to have become obsessed with blogging. This is what happens when you give a lunatic an outlet. Also, I am interested in you.

I'd like to meet:

A rich old woman who I can marry and inherit lots of money from, OR a producer with whom I can sleep my way to the top. Also, Batman.Who I don't want to meet: greedy little fat kids (the ones that aren't fighting genetics,but are in fact spoiled and rotten) plus the entire cast of Kid Nation.

Music:

Whatever catches my ear.

Movies:

Kill Bill, Jackie Brown,Zodiac, Children of Men, Dogville,Strangers with Candy, Manderlay, Bound, The Descent, Fight Club,Batman, Etenal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Cast Away, Grindhouse (both parts), The Nightmare on Elm Street Series, Before Sunrise/Sunset, The Professional, La Femme Nikita,Back to the Future,Requim for a Dream, Shaun of the Dead, Seed of Chucky, Lost in Translation, Switchblade Sisters, Maniac, The Grifters, Mulholland Drive, most movies by Pedro Almodovar, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, Death Becomes Her, Troop Beverly Hills, most super-hero movies, horror, kung-fu, musicals, anything with a female warrior(s), anything with a bitchy cheerleader, anything with a training montage, and anything else that moves me

Television:

Buffy,The Wire, Survivor, 30 Rock, Veronica Mars,American Idol, Heroes,The Office, Alias, Angel, How I Met Your Mother,Charm School, X-Files, Grey's Anatomy,Desperate Housewives, Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, Big Brother,America's Next Top Model, General Hospital,almost all reality shows

Books:

David Sedaris, Stephen King, Elmore Leonard, Jhumpa Lahiri, Kate Atkinson, Neil Gaiman, "Homicide" by David Simon, Calvin and Hobbes,"Eat, Pray, Love," by Elizabeth Gilbert,show biz biographies, random books that seem interesting, comics, in particular Astonishing X-Men, Batman , The Authority, Planetary, Justice League of America, New Avengers, The Ultimates, Preacher (so basically Joss Whedon, Grant Morrison,Chris Claremont, Warren Ellis, Mark Millar, Garth Ennis, Frank Miller) Books I don't like: INSTRUCTION MANUALS!

Heroes:

Joss Whedon. Tina Fey. Jack Donaghy. Mayor McCheese. Buffy the vampire slayer. Dr. Will Kirby. Regina George. Anyone who's ever over-tipped me.

My Blog

Tap That

Why are people so afraid of drinking tap water?  It's crazy not to.  You pay for it!  Don't you remember life before the invasion of bottled water?  We used to drink it all the tim...
Posted by Andrew on Sun, 05 Oct 2008 02:26:00 PST

A Haiku

I watch your smile Spread like the morning sunrise It brightens my day
Posted by Andrew on Sun, 05 Oct 2008 02:23:00 PST

A Mental Virus

You ever had a thought pop into your head that you can't get out?  It's like that one sentence, phrase, image, or idea just worms it's way through your skull and infects your entire consciousness...
Posted by Andrew on Sun, 20 Jul 2008 01:15:00 PST

You Are a Black Hole

There are a few people I have met over the years that all may as well have been the same person, and I have a few things I would like to say to them. Number first, tattoos and body piercings DO NOT ma...
Posted by Andrew on Fri, 06 Jun 2008 07:42:00 PST

Be Yourself? What the @$% is that supposed to MEAN?

Honestly, that is the worst advice I have ever heard in my life.  "Just be yourself."  I guess technically I'm supposed to know myself well enough to understand what is being asked of me, bu...
Posted by Andrew on Fri, 06 Jun 2008 07:19:00 PST

The Write Stuff

If I have learned one thing this last year it is that I am a writer.  It’s who I am and always will be.  I am also an actor, and secretly a singer, and when I’m feeling pretentio...
Posted by Andrew on Tue, 18 Mar 2008 11:21:00 PST

In case you ignore bulletins...

Hey everyone, Gary G. and I have begun a twelve week contest called IDOL WAR: ANDREW vs. GARY G, over on 2snaps and we need your support.  We have each been handed two randomly selected team...
Posted by Andrew on Tue, 11 Mar 2008 07:15:00 PST

Musical Insanity

I debated for so long over the purchase of my iPod nano.  I don't know if it's that guilty Catholic voice inside me that talks my sweat glands into overacting every time I make a large purchase, ...
Posted by Andrew on Sat, 08 Mar 2008 09:48:00 PST

Q-Tip Addiction

Why do they exist if I'm not supposed to use them in my ears?  What else are they supposed to be used for?  Cleaning the cracks between tiles?  I don't get it.  Why has modern scie...
Posted by Andrew on Fri, 08 Feb 2008 09:36:00 PST

The Boogeyman: A Sort-of Review

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you killed your mother's abusive boyfriend in front of a mirror, then twenty years later broke that mirror, reassembled it, bled on it, and hung it up in yo...
Posted by Andrew on Sun, 20 Jan 2008 11:41:00 PST