Feminism, being a barmaid, a superiority complex, vitamins disguised as chewy sweets, breasts and armpit hair, bourgeois academia, punk rock, making jam, darts, boxing, socialising primarily with the over-60s.
Oh, you definitely don't want to meet me. Besides, most people I've ever met are bullshit, and I need my self respect more than I need fake friends.
If, however, you are John Frusciante, you definitely do want to meet me, you are not bullshit, and you will marry me.
Perhaps if I get rid of the band names on here I'll stop getting all these bullshit friend requests from bands I will never like. Hardcore punk, jazz punk, soul punk, funk punk, folk punk, blues punk, live punk, die punk. Ani DiFranco, Bruce Springsteen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bad Brains, Jaco Pastorius, Jeff Buckley. Note - NOT bands who are trying to sound like Ani DiFranco, Bruce Springsteen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bad Brains, Jaco Pastorius or Jeff Buckley. Big, big difference.
Swords, laughs, weeping. Kurosawa, Luhrmann, Jeunet, Gondry, Yimou, Tarantino, Miyazaki, Leone. Recommend me a film, watch one with me.
Peep Show
French. Greek. Euripides, Zola, Homer, Camus, Catullus. Stick your pretensions up your arse and get some Aristophanes down you. I've read every Harry Potter book and I'll tell you the truth, I think they're bloody great.
There are people in history and music and so on that I admire for what they've done, but the real heroes are the people who really have an effect on your life.
Since he first offered me vanilla Coke and cheap Irish cream in his stinking uni room, Jack and I have been the best of friends. He's seen me at my best and at my very worst and he's still there for me. Some of my best memories of life would never have happened without Jack, from eating pick 'n' mix from his crotch to getting stranded in Brightlingsea blind drunk dressed as pirates to OACB taking Brixton by storm. We don't hang out every day like we used to, it would be fair to say that life's got in the way and we've drifted, but I'd still trust him with my life and if either of us needed anything the other would be there without question. This is the older brother I wasn't born with.
Working on the basis that the word soulmate doesn't refer just to romance, Alan is it without a shadow of a doubt. We've been at each other's throats at times over the years but we're tighter than tight. I'm convinced Alan knows me better than I know myself, he can read me like a book and knows all my secrets. We can be completely blunt and honest with each other with no hard feelings ever, there's nothing I can't tell him. He introduced me to hardcore and fuelled my love of live music. We can have fun together at any time, go absolutely crazy and then have a deep chat about life. I'm never going to lose this boy, he is absolutely the best person in my life and I love him to pieces.
I wish I had spent my high school years with Aimee. She is without a doubt my best girl, even though she is a God botherer and pretends she's from the ghetto. We have the best injokes and secrets together, whatever is wrong with the world we can make something to laugh about. Anything mean I want to say about anything or anybody I can say to Aimee and it just becomes a joke and I don't mind so much any more. The world's probably lucky we don't live in the same place, 'cause we'd bring the ruckus every damn day.
My little sister. Without Sally I'd have grown up an only child, so her very existence is something to be thankful for. For so much of our lives we've been at each other's throats, we've beaten each other up and screamed at each other and gone for days without speaking, but we love each other really. She's a bit of a pain sometimes but she is there for me unconditionally, we take care of each other. She can come across as a bit of an idiot but in some ways she is so mature, she's gone through things at a young age that I probably wouldn't even be able to deal with now, in some ways she's a real hero.
This kid. Rarely have I ever been so in awe of a guitarist. Jim is never lost for notes, a true king of riffs. He makes dangerous driving an adventure, trips to Tesco a leisure activity in itself, watching appalling TV the best of fun. Listening to records with him is the definition of peace. Nobody else I know would be able to make "making balls of plasticine" into a valid answer to "what have you done today?". I'm definitely tougher than him, we spend most of the time being ostensibly mean to each other but really he is kind and lovely. One of the oddest people in my life, but a true gem, genuinely unique.
An unexpected appearance, perhaps. This boy is no longer in my life and we're both better off for it, but I learned so much from him that he really deserves a mention. He taught me that you can't take anything for granted, that however certain it seems that someone is a permanent fixture, they can still abandon you when you need them most. Through him I learned about myself. I discovered that I'm not an island, I am fragile and I am vulnerable, but that I can eventually pull through the worst times. I'm stronger and more hardened because of him. I know that he won't be in my life again because he's not someone I ever want to speak to, but I hope for the best for him in the future, and that he will never make anyone as miserable as he made me, but always make people as happy as he made me.
This is one of my Classics tutors. He manages to extract every ounce of intelligence I have, has given me confidence in my opinions and intelligence, and helped me to speak up in front of people more intelligent than me. He takes the time out to help me with difficult things and is infinitely patient even when I'm being a bit stupid. I might have given up by now if it weren't for this.
This is my roommate/college husband Mike. He's brilliant at life; not only is he ridiculously clever but he is also a bandleader, has a long-term girlfriend and works on at least one theatre production a term. Without him I'd be terribly lonely a lot of the time and would have very limited access to the Rat Pack.
Last but so very far from least -
My lads are the best lads. Rory, Max and Jim are some of the most talented and lovely people I know. I've been so much happier in life since the birth of No Quarter, the chance to play music that I love with people that I love is something I'm eternally grateful for. I love my boys with everything.