Patience is A Virtue.I was born in Beautiful British Columbia, Canada. I am currently enrolled for Associates of Arts Degree at Douglas College and transfer to Simon Fraser University and get my Bachelors of Psychology or Criminology. I love to dance, listening to main stream music. I like to have fun with my friends and love to go down town,eat out, play video games, pool, bowling and dance dance revolution.
I am an Independent Woman who Knows Herself, who is Confident and Knows What She Wants.I am an individual that speaks with my own mind.
I'm always fragile in friendships, relationships and it seems to me that I always have to be the first person to feel sorry and say sorry first, even though the reason would not be my fault. Everyone is sensitive. Me, I am more than just sensitive. I am a sensitive fragile human being. I easily get hurt and once they fuck with me, all they get back is shit all. There will be a time where a Universal time goes around and will kick in the ass, yea it's called Karma bitch.
The person I am from the outside, is just an image of me. It shows my characteristics of who I am. I may look tough, I maybe a bitch, I honestly don't care. Say whatever you like, that's your problem, not mine.But inside, I am soft, caring, lovable, sweet, gentle and kind, weak, understandable, reasonable, and honest person. Sometimes its hard to understand that we judge people by there appearance, but we never get to look of what's inside of them.
It is like having 2 different aspects. Me, I am me in and out, but very differently. Because of that, I lately made an effort for people because I have done nice things to them and for them. But they did not give me enough respect back. People treating me like trash, I take a stand.
Now that they don't have any respect from me, there is nothing else they can do other than to think about themselves. In general, people would not notice that I'm a kind understandable person just like everyone else in this world. People take dirt from me. So why can't I do that to others as well? Yes people were using me, well you know what,I don't give a damn shit of what they did to me because that was all in the past.
Now I am bringing it all back to them. For all the things they treated me, and for all the things they've done to me, and said to me, why are they gonna act like that towards me? Why not say shit all to my face if they got nerve to say it? Guy or Girl, I take them out. But really, I am a bigger person than that. I don't care. It's their problem. I didn't create a problem, they did, so they can fix it and bitch at themselves for no apparent reason. All I know that they don't know me at all, what so ever. If they don't know me that much, they should keep they're mouths shut. I know myself and I know better. Before, I had given seconds, thirds, fourths...a lot of chances and all I ever gotten is still shit from people. Sorry is not gonna do enough. Well from now on...they can just SCREW THEMSELVES.
I give up on people after I give them 3rd chances. There is no turning back. Once they treat me like shit, they will continuously repeat the same problem again or on a different situation. I don't want myself in that position again ever and that is why I give up on people that I don't trust, they end up messing it up even more. Once they fuck one thing that pisses me off, they're out. I don't like that, which means, I don't like them, so no giving any chances after the 3rd time.I am an Original.
Yes this is a really harsh message to all individuals because this is who I am. I am just being an open-minded honest person. If I have a problem, I share it with everyone, even it involves with people like you. I took a lot of guts to do this too .I don't care what they think about me. Because anything they say negative about me or to me ,I can accept it because that way,I can always accept it and I can just throw it away, not to let it bother me.So whatever. This is how it goes. You don't like me, I don't like you. There, we're even. Are we happy now? Problem solved then.
Couldn't they just think twice before they act? And think before you speak? That's what I always do. Is to be careful with they're actions and words. Actions are Louder Than Words.
To be honest, that is true. Actions are louder than words. Words can hurt feelings depends how they say it. I've been there and I've done that. And boy I've been hurt a lot of times and let me tell you, I had pay back. Pay Back is a Bitch. Yes I got my revenge and I still won for it. No one messes with me because I know that I am aggressive and assertive. I am strong, wise and confident. And want to know something else? I think of that always. So anything they say to me or do to me,I am gonna kick they're asses all the way to Asia not until they take back on what they said to me. Totally Disrespecting others like that will not do them good. I become a bigger person than them.
I always get the Last Laugh. Just think about it. Think about what I said here. Others might learn something new and hope that they will regret this and hoping themselves that they will not do this again to anyone.
Everyone feels the same way and think the same. This message is all about respecting and getting what we want. All I ever gotten was shit from people leaving me with a whole a lot of different things that I should not deserve. Everyone should treat everybody with respect. Imagine you done shit to others, you end up making yourself a bigger person and laughing away about it. Now, imagine that they are doing the same thing to you, making themselves like they are the bigger person and laughing away, then how would you feel? Exactly. We don't like to feel like we wanna be treated like shit. Think for others and think about the consequences. Ask yourself next time, what will happen? That's how it's gonna be and you can't change the past. What's Done IS Done.
"Sometimes you say things you don't really mean. You will see that what you said, hurt someone. At these times, you should know how to say nothing at all and keep it that way. At this point, some ideas are better left unspoken. Its worth a while to wait, but right now, it's impossible. The truth may turn out ugly, but at least we both know what we want at the end."I am who I am, and you just have to accept that.Remember, I don't care what you think about me.You don't Like Me,I Don't Like You. We can all agree or disagree with the argument. They are sides to choose but there are No right or wrong answers. It's the thing that what We think is right, not anyone else's. God gave us a mind and a conscience to choose what is right or wrong. Whether or not it's our choice to know what that is. No one is going to control our opinion. This is who we are. Don't be Afraid to Speak. We are the motivational speaker. We all have a listening ear. People may end up looking up to us or even they may say we are right. So say what ever we want. Be mature. We are all adults and have our own decision to make. Not our parents, not our friends but ourselves. That is why We trust ourselves. We have the right to say what ever we want, when ever we want.But make sure that we can understand it.People Are Hard to Trust
These days, people are really hard to trust, even though they seem like there great and all but honestly, deep down inside, there really bull shitters. They're just people that we meet. We don't know anything about them. We never know if they're gonna talk shit behind our backs. I rather have people who are straight up to me because they got nerve to say it. If they got a problem with me, they better say it to my face, other than keeping it to themselves. Like who knows, maybe we did make mistakes, just tell us what's wrong then we will go fix it. If they don't tell us, then they will fuck it up even more. Don't trust anybody, anybody can be a backstabber. We have to trust ourselves but not to others that we don't know about yet. That's why we have to be conscious around people that we feel suspicious about.Time is Not Running Out I really can't just think of the rewards I've been given because of the lack of the frustration that caused it. I maybe lost some where that I don't know where I belong, other than knowing that I am aware of Life.Life is full of surprises. We just never know when to expect them too happen.That is why we have to accept the things and the critizms that rubbed on our faces. Always throw away the things that we don't like and don't want. That way we can continue on and not have to bother worrying about it. Things change. We just have to realize that.
Recently, I've been thinking about what I have and what I have accomplished so far to succeed of what I achieved on. It seems very fair but also it seems that I am missing something out. Not all the time that I'm missing everything out, it's just that I never felt a way that a special person can mean something to me, not until things were sorted out. Some things are meant to be this way. Life does go on and see what is out there for us. Meet new people and make new friends with them all over again. At the end, they know they will appreciate that and hope for the best.My feelings can hurt but you can not hurt my heart.
I did felt like I wanted to forget about everything in the past that sucked the most. The good ones stay. There was a hole in my heart and no one was gonna fulfill it for me. Nothing has changed. I just keep doing the same old things like I always used to do before and it keeps me busy. I've become a wise person and I think positive. Nothing can let me down. If they do, I know I can resolve it on my own without anyone's help. People's advices confuse us because that is not what we want or not what we wanna hear. It's a good thing that they help but it's what we want to do and what other choices we can make.
I rather kiss away the bad stuff and reel in the good stuff.
Things may not always be the same but it's worth of giving it try. The past does haunt us but don't let that get to us. If they get to us, there is pain present in us because there is not much to do with it. What can we do about it? NADA. If its there, it's there. Who cares. We don't need to put bull shit in our heads. It's not gonna effect our lives but to leave it alone. The more to not think about it, the more we will have free fun time ass shit alone. The memories will not be erased from the past.
The past is a scar. Because for a reason, it just happens to be on there and stays with us. BUT we can get rid of it. A scar isn't just a scar, we can remove it by not paying attention to it. Also to not hurt ourselves even more if we choose to think about it. The more we think about the scar, the more we will get hurt and it stays. And if we choose to ignore the scar and put some healing and positive thinking in it, SUCCESS! We are HEALED!! The scar will not be there! EVER! Which is cool.
Feeling to suck in a hole, I rather climb back up again to a whole new start.
To Start Again Count how many stars there are in the sky,
Then count how many times I said sorry to you.
We have our ups and downs but we know that we can stand on our two feet back up again. Things happen and it's the way how life is. Seems like we don't know well enough of everybody's life, just remember to think that look how happy they are and to not interfere them.
Rather have things left to be unsaid other than hurting the people that we love.
It's good to know that but seriously, at times, we don't like what others think and what they thought about it. Right now is fine so far, just don't wreck it. I was back to the beginning again where I had to heal the wounds and took time. People don't know how much work I've went through. It took a lot of time. I thought possible. Like I said, no one is never going to get in my way. This involves with two people, not others. That's all it matters. Some we don't even trust people because they just put words in our heads and totally make us think twice.
At a point, I wanted to escape this route because I felt like I was in a math equation, trying to find the right answer, but in the middle of it, I was lost. Trying to rewind back is like a rebirth, to start all over again. Which basically, that's what did, Was to start again and hoped that there is no mistake in future notice. It is hard to keep up with this because we don't know what else to do or think. My brain was being a hard headed, hot headed, couldn't think straight because all these shit were happening to me. I felt like I was in a cage and felt that I was trapped. What is there to resolve this situation that I have now? Some how I want to run away.
In this world, everybody were to get hurt for a good reason.I've done good things and this is what I get back. Everyone is sensitive and we all have fragile hearts.
My heart is a special fragile heart because it has been hurt many times that it's not been healed for a longest time. He brought the broken pieces back up together with glue, bandages, tapes and all. My heart may not be a perfect heart as it seems, but at least someone was there to put them back in the correct place where it was supposed to be. It's not completely new, I still saw the broken pieces of my heart because it is still not perfect. A new heart represents new love and new beginning. At this stage, it's not ready to be loved yet. This stage is where someone found your heart and put its place. Before, my heart was telling me that bits of the pieces were falling apart slowly because it knew something went wrong. And I had to fix it again. No one can really see it except I do. Only I can feel it and its starting to make process. Now that I met this True person that I adore loving each day more and more, he makes my heart blush. My heart is now stable.
Guys were born as assholes and jerks, they can all die like one, and they should...except my family members.
Enough is Enough
There is a thin line between a person and I. If there was something I tried so hard and tried so much to make an effort into a relationship or a friendship and he or she decided to end it, I give up.What ever that was left behind, I rather let it be but at the same time, I would be confused knowing the person doesn't know what to do with themselves with me.Being friends with a person would be awkward to have break a relationship or a friendship.Things won't be the same as it was before. It's weird how we act and talk differently around them. But at the same time, I get mad because they end a good relationship with me.It's hard being normal around them, it's like I am not being myself no more.Couple weeks later, I would realize that I would still be confused because the person still doesn't know what to do with his life. I know for sure that person will think of a way to clear themselves up. Moving on is a great thing for them but me I struggle while they're processing of having a good time. That just feel a slap in the face and rubbing it into my face and making me feel bad and looking at them that they are having a blast.I hate that. I had to end it completely with that person. I can't be friends with that person.
I had to stop being so confused,stop getting mad, frustrated and waiting. I had to end it some how: "I think this is ridiculous.I can't stay friends with you.It's over," which meaning, stop calling,stop seeing them and stop talking to that person. I'm done and I'm gone. I am moving on with a smile on my face.
And while I'm doing that, I'm gonna pack up his stuff so he can take his shit back to the left...
Once it's over,it's over, no turning back. The past is the past.I don't wanna look back into the past.I would like to stay disconnected. He is my past,so no turning back.No contact and no looking back at him.
I don't make friends with an ex because it's not the same as it was before and it gets hard on me.But I have to stay strong and pretend that nothing happened between us. And it works.
Have fun and live life. If I see these people that I don't like again, I won't care. I live life and I let it happen. I live how I want it. God has a plan for me no matter what, He will always be there for me and to hear me out. He has seen and felt the pain I have gone through. He knows exactly what to do for me. I just have to follow it. I know I will forget about it.
If you got something to say, say it to my face.
I have enough of people putting them first because they don't show love. Where as, if they show love to us, we show love back. Love unto others as they love unto us. If I let them love and care about me, then I will know that I will do the same to them.
Who I am is who I am. And that is all your gonna get from me, is me. If you don't like what you see, then screw off. Because this is all your gonna get, is me. Say I'm crazy, maybe I am. Say I'm weird, cause that's me. Judge me all you want cause this is the person I am. Cause once you fuck with me, all you gonna get is shit back. No doubt and no questions ask. I can't handle this shit no more cause all people disrespecting me even though I've done something wrong or nothing wrong. Just tell me what's up. Hurt me, not hurt me I won't care. Do your thing and I will understand. You think I'll ball my eyes out, well you will have to get to know me first.
Outside is an image of me,like I said. This is what I am. Inside, others will see my personality. They like what they see, then we're cool. If they don't like what they see of me, then they can screw off. Why are they looking at me? First of all, why were they talking to me in the first place anyway? People we meet are different. It's hard to keep up with people that we used to know of. We purposely like to forget about them, then be it. We are not gonna stop ourselves from doing that. If we have a problem, we deal with it on our own. I say what's good for me.
Cause this is my life, I own it. If I feel like I don't wanna talk to them, I don't. Cause I'm not interested in them at the moment. We should know better. Now that we learned a lesson, we know a little about everything. We have to be careful with ourselves cause people out there still doesn't know who I am and who we are. We just have to become a bitch once in a while, but I'm not. I can be if I wanted to be.
If I like what I hear and see what I like, then I take my chances.
In life right now, it is possible to gain what we learn and lose what we've lost. Forget about the past and live life, continue on and start something new. That way we can all forget all the bad things. Let God guide us through his light, He will for sure lead you the way.
Who was Me?
That is what I was trying to figure out. For some reason, out of the blue, I wanted to take some time alone to be myself. I never had the chance and sit down and think, who I was. Did I make people happy? Did I please them? Some what, I was not feeling right. I could be the person that I was not. I didn't know what was under my skin, but all that I know, was that I wasn't myself. Something wasn't right. I was acting like the person that I was not.
Ever year, I spend time for myself. I am always busy with other things that involves with friends, school, and families. But I have not spend any time for myself. I always go downtown and take deep breaths of what it's like to be free. I don't want anybody get in my way. I like to focus on one thing and one thing only and that is school. I like to get things done and to get it over with.
So yes, I like to know the inner self of me. What do I like, who do I like, what to do for fun and what are my interests? What's going on with my life is like an up and down road for me trying to drive straight and to find the best high way for it. In order to do this, I rather be alone for once without having any disturbance.
"Live life, see what happens, then we will know what we want."... Thats what I always say to myself. Things happen for a reason, and let it be that way. The future is something that holds your whole life and trust to. Because anything we expect effects it. We plan on it and make a living for it. Take what we give. It does not matter what the chances are but we gotta know what is right for us. Accept the fact that what ever happens, happened. Who knows what happens in life, life supposed to be like that and it's gonna change the way we act. For example, I know many people on my side have many deaths involving with there family and friends. And it seems to me that life is not fair to them. The burdened with tears and sadness coming out from there eyes is a painful process to be at. With so many loss, it is hard to cope with the ones that we've lost. It is their life that ended. And one day who knows, maybe there was a reason behind all this and for sure that we will understand why it had happened. We know that it wasn't there time just yet, but it's the way how life goes on. God is there guiding them through His light. We all know that all our loved ones are in a better and in a special place right now with Him. That way we won't have to worry about them. They want us to be happy and to continue with ours. Don't waste time. Do what you do and live it. As long as your happy, we are happy. If anything goes wrong, God will help us in spirit.
It is sad that so many lives had ended in the past August - September. Even relationships. Hook ups can lead to break ups. And that is what is happening now. What such things have gone wrong with a relationship with a person just ends? We understand what went wrong but do we learn from it? Yes. Life is not ending. Keep in mind: Don't waste time. Do what you do. Live it because we are living in a world fill with so many lives. Everyday, a life always have to end someday. We all gonna die one day right? We can't just live forever. Any life can die in any time and any day. It is unexpected and we don't see it always. It happens with sudden. When ever a life ends, it never ends. It is a beginning. I believe in the after life, we know we have to start off somewhere after we die right?
Don't feel sorry. Feel sorry for what happened.