yung buTTah profile picture

yung buTTah

About Me

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.There can be only one

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Nerds, lots of them. I would like to form an army.

My Blog

JAPAN

This was our trip to Japan. If you want to see all the pictures go here.Why hello there tiny hostel room.  Will my tired and now somewhat sick body from 90+ degree heat and hour long train rides ...
Posted by on Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:55:00 GMT

Oeishi Asahi

Look at how big that thing is. Its huge! How big do you think it is? WOW!!! I hear alcohol is bad for you though. well.... .... You too Sa! PATAY!!! Rove...
Posted by on Mon, 14 Nov 2005 19:15:00 GMT

Random DC Pictures and stuff

Ok, I still have another day here, but I doubt Ill be taking many more pictures, sooooo here are the DC pics so far. Hey Callie, guess what I saw at the Smithsonian? LOL.  Sorry, phalic sym...
Posted by on Sun, 16 Oct 2005 22:13:00 GMT

New York, in review (pictures)

Ok, so, starting where I left off in my bulletin.  Sunday we woke up to no rain, and headed down to Times Square to TKTS and got tickets to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.  We went to Macys and...
Posted by on Tue, 11 Oct 2005 10:28:00 GMT

I think I may be done at AMC

Well, I think I may actually leave soon. After a fairlly unenjoyable day of work, with the exception of hanging out and talking with Carlo, and the allways lovelly Sarah and Allissa, I proceeded to s...
Posted by on Tue, 27 Sep 2005 02:01:00 GMT

End all be all of all time wasting surveys.

001. What is your name: John Berner 002. Spell your name backwards: no 003. Date of birth: July 15th 1984 004. Male or female: male 005. Astrological sign: cancer 006. Nicknames: Fuckin...
Posted by on Mon, 08 Aug 2005 12:14:00 GMT

Well it happened

I turned 21, and while I did get drunk; it wasn't the shit-faced-blackout-sex-with-a-hooker-then-pass-out drunk. Which in retrospect, was a good thing. I was lucky enough to hang out with Lisa and M...
Posted by on Sat, 16 Jul 2005 16:52:00 GMT

I enjoy life. Take a second to think about it.

Well, I finally had some free time, and thought, "this is why I got a new myspace profile" (other than the immense guilt I felt for having essentially deleting every message I ever made when I got rid...
Posted by on Thu, 23 Jun 2005 00:52:00 GMT

More naked pictures

Well if you feel like actually doing it again it would mean a lot to me. Actually, some of the questions should be answered every once in a while again, because they tend to change the more you get t...
Posted by on Fri, 17 Jun 2005 14:42:00 GMT