The Literary Hooligan - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Once, I desired to evolve into a rotting tulip. That didn't work out. Once, I told a girl that I would rather be playing an online, text only RPG than fool around with her naked in my bed. She was a complete tart anyway, and was "just having fun." So, I wasn't that upset when that didn't work out. Once, I dated a girl for her N64 and her superior comic book collection. She dumped me when I refused to sleep with her. That didn't work out, either. Once, I read On the Road and immediately took a month long road trip. Ask me about Boondocks, Iowa. It exists, I assure you. That actually did work out for me in the end, and it's a great story. Once I froze my feet to the concrete in Minnesota in the middle of winter. That, pumous stone in hand, obviously didn't work out for me, good story regardless. I am full of stories, and that does actually work out for me. I have done lots of stupid things, slipping and sliding out of inept situations like the weasle that I am. Sometimes I am clever too. It's working out just fine, sort of.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

A girl worth dancing with. A girl who is willing to have a full drag wedding with me (and yes Jon, I WILL accomplish this...and you WILL be one of my bride's maids). Someone to make me less wishy-washy and indecisive. Yeah, I know...good fucking luck.

My Blog

Boozin’ in the basement!

Aho??y all??.So, ? it’?s abo?ut tha?t tim?e of yea?r whe?n I bec?ome? jus?t a lit?tle? bit? mor?e old? and? wor?thl?ess?...?so to fee?l you?nge?r, I am goi?ng to dri?nk my sor?row?s awa?y.Nex?t ...
Posted by on Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:51:00 GMT

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!

So yeah, I will be doing some basement boozing on the 6th.On the 6th, I will be having my graduation party. I want you ALL to show up.Party w...
Posted by on Tue, 01 Jan 2008 22:28:00 GMT

The "Thesis Procrastination" Scurvey Extra Dirty

69 Questions Guaranteed You've Never Answered1. Would you bang your neighbor?Fuck no.2. What describes your relationship?Again, that would be like dividing by 03. Where are you?Somewhere around the ri...
Posted by on Sat, 01 Dec 2007 20:49:00 GMT

Hawthorne

Watching traffic under pink-blue skyas seven skate punks ollie over bread rack mountains:shape waiting clouds out pace Camarys--dumpled vixe...
Posted by on Thu, 27 Sep 2007 00:06:00 GMT

King Riot

Joker-I, out of peotry with my potty mouthanusward and alabaster--The King Riot:cruel and clumsy, cunning his wayKateward across pages of post-historical blah.Fleet goes the damnation of castle doorwa...
Posted by on Thu, 27 Sep 2007 00:02:00 GMT

Little Details

Stuck to my sweaty palmare fifty-two meltingballs of sugar, I'dbeen rolling them across wet valleys of callous,but they prefer stasis:I tongue two throatward,cherry and lime, only to crushthem between...
Posted by on Wed, 26 Sep 2007 23:53:00 GMT

In an Office that’s not Mine

Late May, worried that poetry is slipping away,rhetoric warm on my lips, I endnote four months of collected text:thirty-five essays, what we want to learn;directions to my internship professor's house...
Posted by on Wed, 26 Sep 2007 23:50:00 GMT

Some Nostaligia Poetry

E. Knowles vs. E. B. BrowningMaybe art reveals your joy and negates eternity,AA batteries rolling between the skittles in your pursererolling revisions of sports bras and bandaids:youyou doubled in ti...
Posted by on Wed, 26 Sep 2007 23:39:00 GMT

Aberdeen Review

Notes from Aberdeen: First: If any of you guys live in the greater Baltimore/Baltimore County/Harford County areas and have not been to Ripken Stadium yet...GO! It was easily one of the top 10 b...
Posted by on Thu, 16 Aug 2007 00:55:00 GMT

Delmarva review

Notes from Delmarva:After an enjoyable drive down through the Eastern Shore (that is, after the gridlock 5 miles prior to the bay bridge...), an hour and a half of Thrashers and Sportsland skee-ball a...
Posted by on Thu, 16 Aug 2007 00:44:00 GMT