So I was doing some self reflection in order to figure out what in the hell to put on this site. In moment of my deep gathering of insight I realized some pretty unpleasant things and did what any logical person would do: hurriedly got piss drunk. I sobered up then realized my opinion may be a little biased due to delusions of grandeur so I asked some male and female friends to describe me in a nutshell.Here are a few excerpts"You have got to be ******* kidding me", "You are an a$$", "Maybe you will actually meet someone who is not completely out of her mind like all of your ex's.", "Where the hell is the money you owe me", "I think you are a good guy behind a rough exterior", "You are absolutely hilarious and can always count on you to say inappropriate things in almost any situation", "Are you just trying to have sex with lots of different girls", "You are very sweet in your own unique and special way", "You know that restraining order is still in effect so stop calling me"Looks - Looks are not everything but its a good place to start. You must be decent looking. I really don't care whether you are the cute girl next door type or drop dead gorgeous where men follow you home and cars wreck as you walk by. If you are unsure of whether you fit this criteria just take a trip down memory lane. Did your parents make you go play in the shed when guests came over, has anyone ever yelled "baaby Ruuth" when you walked by, have you ever been to a haunted house and got handed an job application. When looking in the mirror do you see yourself as looking like a cross breed between a pug and Gary Coleman. If anything like this has happened in your life you are probably ugly.Whats important to me in regards to this area is being able to contribute to a conversation that does not involve shoes, purses, or Britney Spears latest manic episode. I am also amazed at how many people I have talked to that have absolutely no grasp for sarcasm. I walked up to a group of girls who were having about as much fun as a paraplegic in the 40 yard dash, and said "Wow you guys are the life of the party, I walked all the way from the other end of the bar because you all look like you are having so much fun". What is the first response I get? Girl - "we just got back from the mall." That was it. Nothing else. I was completely silenced. I was expecting something along the lines of "yeah we are insane" or maybe a little explanation but no "we just got back from the mall" Are you kidding me. If you feel you can relate to the girl in this story then we probably will not be able to have an effective conversation on any level whatsoever.Yes I am looking for someone fun to be around. Really most people who don't suck at life fit in this category. Emo's, complainers, prudes, religious nuts, and people who can't take a joke are not fun.I like to be coddled and pampered and of course I am usually willing to return the favor. Massages, home cooked meals, caring for me when I am sick/hungover. There is nothing more romantic than waking up to your girl mixing up a batch of Alka-Seltzer in her bra and panties because the previous night you drank yourself into a drunken stupor.My personal goals/aspirations - Well they tell you to talk about this above. One personal goal of mine is to start up and internet website that makes money while I sleep, party, workout, read, have sex, or anything related to not working. Once I start making some decent money from it I can take my highly valued US dollars to Costa Rica and live the life of a baller. I will drink martinis and sit out in the sun all day checking out all the hot ethnic girls in bikinis.After reading this if you think I am some sort of selfish a$$ you may want to read on. I greatly enjoy helping others in need. For instance: the other day I convinced a homeless guy to give up his cheap vodka and just go straight to Everclear. I explained to him that Everclear doesn't have all the unnecessary ingredients that don't get you drunk. Its just straight alcohol and for the price per percentage of alcohol it cannot be beaten. I felt this warm compassion in my heart from helping out someone less fortunate than me.
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