About Me
Starting his musical career in the late 1950's when swing was starting to become less of a king, Rip Owczarski decided that his Vegas lounge act would have to adapt to the popular music of the times. Throughout the 1960's and the 1970's, Mr. Owczarski played all over the world as an international symbol of unique sexual prowess, being dubbed by Swank Tiger Magazine as "... a man so charming and yet vulgar that even I want to take my panties off and throw them at him." With the voice and fashion sense of a young Liberace, Rip found himself rising to the top of the music world, especially with the help of his hit song, "Making Love To Your..." By the mid-1980's Rip decided to call it quits, not only because he was facing legal troubles over the age of consent law in Indiana, but also to concentrate on his other love in life, Bourbon. In the 1990's Rip tried unsuccessfully at numerous comeback attempts, playing a few State Fair tours. After a short stint in jail, for reasons that I feel should not be mentioned, Rip took another hiatus from the entertainment world to work on another love in his life, gambling. Now that he has made it to the 21st century, Mr. Owczarski has decided to embark on what he calls, "his final comeback" with his new band, The Morning Afters.TIMELINE1950's-60's - Rip solo artist kind of like LiberaceMid 1970's Rip met Art at New Directions. Rip passed out in Mac and Cheese, Art woke him up. Rip says he is the greatest guitarist ever and gives him a note that reads "I pledge allegiance to my boner." Art is confused if Rip thinks he is a prostitute or wants to fuck him. The next day they meet up and have practice. Rip forgets Arts name for about 5 years after this.Late 70's Rip's first marriage and Art's fourth marriage together in Vegas. Married by Elvis minister Danny Mcdougal. Rip thinks he is really Elvis and steals his jump suit (which he stills wears today and it hasn't been cleaned since 1977). Rip says Elvis owes him money for a Fools Gold sandwich he didn't pay for, so the suit will make up for it. Danny was one of the few surviving members of the Jonestown Massacre. He was on the basketball team that was away playing a game. The night after Rip steals his jumpsuit Danny goes to New Directions incognito, dressed like Buddy Miles. He plans to kill Rip and take back the suit (he has a theme of doing terrible things and then reforming/finding Jesus), but misfires and kills the drummer. Rip and Art convince him to join the band.Mid 1980's Band is in Reno, NV where they meet Alfreda the Busch-Schwartz (refer to Theme Song for more info). Alfreda dies by passing out on the train tracks. Band meets her Uncle Lani at the wake where they perform the necrophiliac version of ... Lani takes her spot in the band.Early 90's Uncle Lani gets arrested for indecent exposure (takes peyote, gets nude and braids his pubes). Band is scheduled to play Jacqueline Daniels Flemming's (Art's daughter) High School Prom. The janitor at the school, Iceberg Lettuce, plays bass in place of Uncle Lani at the show. Iceberg joins the band, but a few weeks into their tour their plane crashed in Nebraska. The band doesn't think that they will be able to survive. Iceberg was the worst off, so they decide to eat him. A few hours after eating Iceberg Lettuce they realize that just over the hill from where they are is a highway. The band has had very bad luck over the years in Nebraska (Murdering and Eating Iceberg Lettuce, Saying Cornholers instead of Cornhuskers at a gig and inciting a riot, Milking Another Man's Cow, Destroying a Corn Maze, and Driving too slow on the interstate). They have had the same public defender, Col. Cream. When the band is tried for the murder of Iceberg Lettuce, Col. Cream gets them off by finding a Nebraska state law from the 19th century that states "One is allowed to eat anything they kill." Col. Cream decides that band needs some guidance and becomes their manager. Col. Cream owns several roadside attractions in Nebraska, which feature 2 headed cows, snakes, and the rarest animal on earth, the Flying Cougapuss. Col. Cream likes to dress in black leather suits with tassles, or wolf shirts with dream catcher earings. He is part Cherokee and part Irish. (Rip: Note to self, We need to incorporate more Coug in the act, Bob Segar medley?)Mid 90's Rip gets arrested over the age of consent law in Indiana. The band breaks up. During this time Art inherits his dad's lobster business. McDougal becomes a semi-pro golfer, but cannot never make it pro because he refuses to golf on Sunday, his Lords day of rest. He also starts the first Christian Rap record label called G SUS. Uncle Lani played synth for either Ace of Base or Milli Vanilli, but he can't quite remember. He also claims that he once formed a band called Stringer, which was a lot like the bands Striker and Winger. He also claims that he was cast as Uncle Lani on the television show Full House, but at the last second they decided to go with John Stamos and changed his character's name to Uncle Jessie.2006-Current Day The band is on their final comeback, the New Directions Tour. The tour will never end.Here's an Obituary for the former bass player and crusty old woman, Alfreda the Bush-Schwartz
Alfreda the Bush-Schwartz was hit by a train after leaving the bar where she and Rip and Arthur had been stuffing dollar bills into the pant pockets of half-naked drifters (their smell kept hands out of the lining of the guts of the pants). She followed one of the drifters out, and wasn't surprised to find he lived by the tracks. Stumblingly, she offered her saggy parts and was declined by the drifter's inability to even so much as clutch her ancient bosom. As she had no way of knowing how to get back, she sat down on the metal rail after having tripped over the wooden slats of the track. Drunkenly, she fell asleep. She might be missed.
