Crew

Crew was established by Ned and Pussycontin in January 2006. They joined forces after learning they both enjoyed the same thing, hand jobs at drive-in theaters. So after several chats and many hand jobs later Ned and Pussycontin decided to go on a search to find a third Crew member. After a massive nation wide search that took several minutes, Pussycontin sent a Toronto rapper/producer named The Power Glove a sneak peek at one of his comics he has been working on. When they started talking something connected. It was like magic! So then Pussycontin introduced The Power Glove (AKA Keyoteh) to Ned and they interviewed Glove for 13 days straight. Once Glove passed the physical and tested positive for cocaine, MDMA, marijuana and horse tranquilizers he was recruited. Crew was now stronger than ever and hand jobs were happening at least 5 times a day. Something was still missing and even though Pussycontin is a metal fan they needed a metal powerhouse on the team. Crew found Jay Weishaupt passed out drunk halfway inside a dog house. after Ned nudged him several times with a broom stick he crawled away and slept for 4 more days. Finally Jay woke up and Crew treated him to a nice meal where he drank 14 glasses of water and ate a loaf of bread with butter on it. After several questions of "dude what happened last night?" Glove told jay that it is currently 4 days later and that he slept in for a long time. So then Crew started asking the questions and were impressed at Jay's ability to get ripped drunk out of his mind and black out. Thus, Jay was deemed Crew status and joined their mighty force. Months after Jay entered Crew they met a Scottish drug dealer named Briso. Realizing that making a Scottish drug dealer a member of Crew would equal free drugs they teamed up with Briso. Briso would supply the cocaine and ecstasy which funded Crew. Now the word about Crew was spreading like a rash on your thigh from sweaty nuts. Then one night Crew was sitting in their opium den and thought about adding a girl to their Squad. Ned was talking about a slurry he knew from Australia named Carly and they were all intrigued. After meeting Carly, Crew all went into the other room with full blown erections from gazing at her tits and decided she was good to join. Finally, Crew was complete.. except for one thing, they needed a good lawyer. Pussycontin was out buying a case of keystone beer when he ran into a guy named Dave coming out of the bank next door. The two got to talking and it turned out he was a huge hip hop fan and also a lawyer, so Pussycontin invited him back to his castle. After many beers Pussycontin let Dave (AKA Alien) join Crew without even letting the other members state their opinions. It turned out Pussycontin was on 8 percocets at the time and would've probably let anyone join Crew that day. Dave was just in the right place at the right time. So to make a long story short Glove convinced Pussycontin to buy a microphone and Puss did. Pussycotin started writing and Jay also started writing raps during his free time away from his 2 metal bands, Wantmonster and Sleeper. With Glove mixing and producing their music these guys are unstoppable. As for the other members of Crew, Briso has been doing buisness behind the scenes dealing with drugs and Carly has been raising her child. Dave still comes around and keeps in touch and gives us advice about the law. As for Ned, well Ned disappeared. Ned, one of the founding fathers of Crew just packed up and left on October 8th, 2006 at 3:02 AM eastern United States time. Nobody knows where he went. Some say he started heavy into meth and others say he is building a bridge across the ocean. Nobody believes the rumor about his internet being canceled because that is pretty hard to believe. So now it is Glove, Jay and Pussycontin making a dent in hip hop as Crew with Briso, Carly and Dave having their back. And someday Ned shall return and see how big his empire has grown.