Gareth profile picture

Gareth

About Me

Well I'm dabbling in the garden trade and I make a tidy sum. But some of my deliveries have a very nasty hum (I'm not shifting this lot single-handed). So I collared Chas and Alfie, "Boys might I be so bold? If you shift this muck onto this truck, I'll get you into liquid gold". "That's 500 big ones" they said. Now to start a Liquid Gold account it took 500 pounds. But now it's only 25, the amount has come right down (silly me, I forgot to tell the lads). Well they weren't amused when they heard the news; I quickly won them round. You get a really top class savings account for only £25 (I always come up smelling of roses). Well the boys were very grateful, and they thanked me with a smile "We're very pleased we're with the Leeds, we can really make a pile."

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

That Joe out of the Royle Family so I could stick one on his Jewson head. Yeah, time's ticking away for you sunbeam and make no mistake.

My Blog

TOP TIPS

Here are a selection of my favourite Viz top tips: RECREATE the danger of a parachute jump in safety by visiting Google Earth and clicking the scroll bar until you reach the ground. Add realism to the...
Posted by on Sun, 11 Nov 2007 03:24:00 GMT

A QUESTION OF SPORT

Akabusi was rigid. It was Monday morning, and he had spent two hours standing naked in front of a mirror, combing his tache into the style of a young Ron Jeremy. The wind from the open window had tick...
Posted by on Fri, 14 Sep 2007 02:03:00 GMT

STARS IN THEIR EYES

We have all heard about a celebrity getting involved in some sort of scandal one way or another; for example the shenanigans of Michael, Theakston, Bacon, Barrymore, Winehouse, Bes...
Posted by on Wed, 05 Sep 2007 14:11:00 GMT

NORRIS ON THE SPOT

    On the way home from the station tonight, I skidded on some dog dirt and that got me thinking of the last time this happened to me.It was late 1983 and Timmy Mallett was all the rag...
Posted by on Fri, 18 May 2007 03:05:00 GMT

GREAT MYSTERIES OF OUR TIME

Are we as a race evolving? Are we becoming more cleverererer as each decade passes? A moot point I'd think you'd all agree so I've come up with a couple of posers for you all:1) I was watching a socce...
Posted by on Mon, 14 May 2007 07:44:00 GMT

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

I've long been an admirer of the work of Terence Trent D'Arby but did you know that young Tel has been keeping a secret from all of you?Yes a secret. And that secret will now be revealed by yours trul...
Posted by on Fri, 11 May 2007 05:57:00 GMT

THE GREAT STAMFORD BRIDGE SWINDLE

It came as a surprise to a lot of people when Sam "Fat Sam" Allardyce cashed in his chips at Bolton after a magnificent draw away to Chelsea at Stamford Bridge a couple of weeks back. However, it...
Posted by on Wed, 09 May 2007 10:53:00 GMT

SNOOKER LOOPY

It is a little known fact that when Dennis Taylor beat Steve Davis in the 1985 World Snooker Championship, Davis was far from the gracious loser.Not long after the pomp and ceremony of the Trophy pres...
Posted by on Sun, 06 May 2007 03:23:00 GMT

TOILET WARS

Now I, like most people, enjoy tackling a Sudoku when I'm in the khazi but, beware kids, the work latrine can have its hidden nasties. The particular menace I am going to cover today co...
Posted by on Fri, 04 May 2007 05:31:00 GMT