185187849

life story well lets see I was born in California in 1979 on flower street near Mojave I grew up never knowing my dad all my mother would tell me is that he was fat and lazy and it almost seems like it was a dig on me We moved around a lot and I never really had friends and then my mother who met Mike my stepfather but he lived in Alabama and so she up routed us all and it put us on a greyhound it took four days she went on ahead and had a friend put us on the buses we moved to Alabama when I was seven I had no friends in Alabama if you want a born in Alabama then you are ignored it is as if you don't exist back then I didn't have a very big attention Span and I was defiant to the end I had been uprooted from California shoved into this state and no one cared and my daddy be me severely almost daily especially when he was drinking he used to say children are meant to be seen and not heard what you're meant not to be seen are heard and if I do then I'll beat you tell my arm gives out and they'll switch hands I lived this way for about a year and so he beat me one good one and I could not sit down on the bus because my butt was bleeding my legs wouldn't stop bleeding my back wouldn't stop bleeding and I could not sit down the bus they told me to sit down and be quiet but I couldn't so the bus driver gave me a pop upside the head and told me if I did not sit down he'd do it again but I could not sit down so when I finally reached the school he took me to the principle and I explained that I could not sit down and they made a phone call to the DHr department of human resources At which time they made an appointment to come to the house and when they did they took me away from my family I did not know at the time how my life would be so changed at first they went and took me to Birmingham for a psychological evaluation and I was ever so defiant my mother had said that she could not take care of me because I was retarded so they labeled me and they put me on so much medication that when my mother came to the hospital she later told me years later that I did not even recognize her that time I don't remember much about but I remember a little and it wasn't good and then an eventually I got placed in a place called Daniel house at that time I was screwed up in the head I was stupid and so medicated Most of the time I was not in a school because I was being bounced around the system too much I spent all I can remember three are four years they're couple of group homes that were two overcrowded and eventually I got two old for all of these places and my social worker from the department of human resources in dadeville put me in a place called three springs of Courtland Alabama it's at the top of the state though I only spent one year here it was the worst year of my life I was one of the only white people on my END the two ends were the psychiatric and and a sex offender and I was on the psych ward which comprised of me the only white person and about twenty hardened criminals that were black on contrast the sex offender and was completely white so not only was there racial discrimination against me but the only white people that I could speak to were sex offenders so I said Hell no My days were comprised mostly of getting beat down some of my injuries included my ankle broke my other an ankle broke seven toes my shin bones broken spiral fractures Pins The cartilage in my knee ripped repeatedly legs ripped out of their sockets to vertebra broke four ribs broken Hands broke my right one six times left one four times skull fractured orbital socket fractured teeth knocked out stabbed nine times bruises contusions unconsciousness I think that is the full list of my injuries it was a very bad place magnetically sealed doors concrete beds no sheets Bars and diamond plate on the windows very aggressive staff members any way in 1998 after spending ten years of my life between and abused I got out which is really a miracle I was told two weeks before I turned eighteen that if I turned eighteen within three springs that they would send me to brice where I would be doped up for the remainder of my natural born life and only then did my mother care and the two get me out I got out I think two days before my birthday one cannot go through such things and not the hardend I did the things there that I am not proud of when pushed to the limits you will defend yourself at all costs : every day you could die you do whatever is necessary anyway and 98 I got out my stayed with my mother for a couple of weeks and promptly got my own place and Dadeville Alabama on shepherd street I guess you could call this point in my life a proving ground where I learned how to reintegrate into society had a talk to people how to have fun how to let down my guard how to trust people I spent five years there but I never could make a friend there there were only drug dealers there you could not trust them inside your house but you could sit outside and smoke dope and drink and socialize but this was so unfulfilling and the loneliness really started to get to me because I had opened my heart things did not work out so well near the crack dealers and dope slingers so I moved back in with my mother and I couldn't take it anymore I found out my sister had a place in Auburn opelika so I asked to move in and I moved in And there was a woman named rose that was living with my sister and one day she walked in on me well I was using the bathroom and as a backhanded knee jerk reaction I popped off with a comment if you wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask anyway later that month she did ask and we had a relationship for about three weeks when I went to my mother's to go help her she needed help with the yard work and digging holes planting moving the firewood bundles and a host of other things anyway when I got back I found that rose was moving out and for a long time I did not know why I thought there was something more and evidently she thought there was nothing less and she left me and a year later my sister moved and I helped her move so now I was living in valley Alabama most of the time I would burn trash play my PlayStation two that got old real quick And one day my sister had company over and I met Julia Collins well I really don't wanna talk about her she hurt too much but I'll just say it lasted six months and I was truly happy for all six months and I thought she might be the one but she proved me wrong and left me and at that time when she left me I've tried to cut my wrists but my sister stop me to the couple of weeks to heal but eventually it Did and then one day the church bus pulled up and I decided to go with them the first time I went to church I saw the most beautiful woman I've ever seen with the voice of an angel and I fell in love she told me that she had a boyfriend at the time I thought maybe she was joking or maybe she was not ready to have our relationship and was looking for an excuse to make me not ask any more but the preacher started to preach and I learned of god and every time I saw her I couldn't help but feel the way I do but to no avail one day I heard a preacher talking and he said one must be joined to a believer for what covenant does god have with the devil and what covenant does a believer have with an unbeliever And it seemed like my prayers had come true maybe there was a chance so I asked her again because I was seriously thinking about moving but alas she was not joking And she was not trying to just spare my feelings anyway I have to have faith in god because I was born I have the destiny I have a path set before me that I cannot see but I must Obey and trust and follow that path sometimes it hurts I know that god is here in my heart he is real that he did die for us I know that there is a plan for my life and sometimes it is hard time us remember it is me decreasing and him increasing and every time I look at her I feel guilty for I should not feel that way because she has somebody but I can always pray that maybe somehow we can be together I guess I've just got to keep my distance, though and keep my feelings to myself